This is a comedy, and it's my first fan-fic, so please go easy on the judging.
"Is this on?"
The elite holding the camera shook his head. "You're on in one unit."
I straitened my tie. I hope my story gets broadcasted, I thought. It should. I was recommended by four out of five Prophets.
"Your on in five, four, three, two, one," the elite said. He gave me the okay signal.
I did my report, and the elite with the camera said, "Good, you're done."
Another elite walked up to my desk. "Good job. I think we'll use yours." He smiled. "You want to watch what good of a job you did?" I nodded. "Good. Follow me, Amulproadmee."
He got my name wrong, but I didn't care. This was a red-letter day.
"Transmit," the boss elite said.
The first elite pressed some buttons on the camera. The film was sent to the humans. I watched my performance on a view screen.
My TV screen me sat at the desk in my good looking navy-blue suit. "Hello," it said. "My name is Pupu Anulproabmee, and I'm sending this message to you humans because you are about to die. We have developed a Super-Weapon that we will use to kill you vermin.
"The weapon unleashes a gas so deadly to humans, you will die a quick but painful death. It's human tested, Prophet approved.
"I am an annoying elite in a suit, and I approve this message." I knew, of course, that wasn't the name of our race, but that's how the humans knew us.
"I am an annoying elite in a suit, and I approve this message." The video shut off of the president of Earth's TV. UN members stood around the screen with him.
"Look at the funny elite," the president said, and the whole room echoed with laughter.
"But seriously," UN member said after the laughter died, "we need to do something about this."
"Anyone have any ideas?" someone else asked.
"WE GET DRUNK!" the president shouted. Everyone stared at him with a cold glare.
"No," some woman said. "We'll save that for later, for when the elites are dead and stuff. Send in the SPARTANs."
"Why would we send in some ancient Greek warriors with spears?" Another group of cold looks were shot at the president. "Oh, because the elites have a weakness for spears, like Superman and pee."
The woman handed the president a clipboard. "Just sign the blank space." After the president miss spelled his name on the clipboard, she read it outloud. "I, President Jorj Fartnokker, resign and give the order to launch the SPARTANs. I also wear womens clothing and record it when no one is around."
SPARTAN-117, the Master Chief, stood on the Pelican. He made sure his Battle Rifle had plenty of ammo. Fred, Linda, and Will were with him. The Master Chief cleared his throat to give his motivational speach.
"We will fight them on the ground! We will fight them on the toilets! We will fight them in their special places! We will win!
"This will be a piece-of-cake. Just remember, SPARTANs, live to fight another day."
A bolt of plasma suddenly hit the pelican's cockpit, destroyind the whole pelican, killing the SPARTANs, so they would never live to fight another.
The SPARTANs stood at the gates to Hell. "Cool," the Master Chief said.
"It's like fire and marshmallows," Will said, "without the marshmallows."
All the flood the Master Chief had killed on Halo swarmed for them. Luckily, their guns had went to Hell, too. They shot at the little thingies.
"Kill them all!" Master Chief screamed.
For every flood they killed,twenty more took its place, and the flood they killed just appeared at the gates again. "They're reproducing like horny people!" Fred shouted over the gun fire.
343 Guilty spark watched overhead. "STOP!" he shouted. Everyone looked at him, and the flood ran away. "AWAY MY MINIONS."
"Guilty Spark!" the Chief shouted. "I thought I'd see you here . . . so soon. Why aren't you being tortured?"
"Because I rule Hell, now."
"How did you do it?"
"I am a genius. Now prepare for your eternity of torment!"
After that, 343 Guilty Spark started talking, which caused everyone great pain. It was funny!
A week later, Little Billy Bluebuckle died from the Covenants' gas thingy (so did everyone else, but no one cares). Everyone went to heaven except Little Billy Bluebuckle, and everyone else laughed at him because it was funny. I did, too.
The End
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