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Hunter Interview
Posted By: Gasmask
Date: 21 December 2002, 1:12 am

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The SubjectOh, the mighty hunter. He spreads fear and distress wherever he goes, killing off every human he sees. But, what of the being inside the crunchy blue candy shell? What is he really thinking? Seeing the gap of knowledge, Gasmask Newsletters Inc. went behind the scenes to get the true story. To do this, we had to dress up as elites and grunts. Thankfully, we weren't detected, and we were able to capture this segment.

Gasmask: So, where are you from, originally?
Hunter: I'm from the planet Muldune, about three light years away from the covenant home world.

Gasmask: What was your life like before the Cove...I mean, we came in and recruited you into the fold?
Hunter: Well, it was interesting, to say the least. It's a barren, desert-like place, and we enjoy making caves and having contests of strength. It got really hot, but it was home. Anyways, I had a wife and two young ones around my feet, wrestling, and getting into all sorts of trouble. It was interesting, coming home after the hunt every day to find my wife threatening the kids within an inch of their lives, and the usual, "You wait until your father gets home! He'll blast your butts off with a fuel rod cannon, and I'm not going to stop him this time!"

Franky (assistant editor): So, what other interesting tales did you and your wife make up to scare your kids into obedience?
Hunter: Well, there was the one about when the kids were born. Whenever my wife told the tots that I'd blow them to smithereens, she'd usually tell them that when they were born, I said, "Kill them." Of course, that's not true, just an interesting method of parenting. Anyway, one day, the kids were causing death, destruction, and mayhem over some trivial injustice. As you know, parents are not interested in justice. They are interested in the pursuit of quiet. Anyway, that day, I got them both to sit down, and I told them, "Watch your step. I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out of it." That got them to quiet down.

Gasmask: What do you enjoy most about working for the Covenant?
Hunter: Well, definitely the armor and weaponry. We didn't have anything this advanced back on Muldune, and it's really nice. And the health and insurance benefits are great. Plus, I get to help clean the galaxy of all the unclean races. I love my job.

Franky: Yeah, well who gave you the right to decide who's clean or not?
Hunter: What?

Franky: You heard me! How can you possibly determine who's unclean and clean!
Gasmask: That's enough.
Franky: No, it's not! Look you, who are you to determine who lives or dies?
Hunter: I kill whoever is p***ing me off. You will be my next kill.

Franky: Oh, crap!

At this time, Franky, in the grunt costume, ran like the dickens, and got his butt blown off. Like I said, we weren't detected. It's just one of us ignored common sense. I was able to smooth things over with the Hunter. I bought him a drink, then got back to the Marathon. So, folks, I guess the moral of this interview is, don't make a Hunter mad.