The Mis-adventures of master chief: part 3 (a comedy)
Posted By: el_halo_diablo<firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: 25 July 2002, 7:30 pm
"Halo, its finished", Cortana said slowly.
"No I think we're just getting started."
STOP! STOP THE STORY!
Oh crap, WHO REWOUND STORYTELLER??!?!?
This thing isnt a toy u kno
--Heh, i just didnt see part two--
Oh so you jeprodize the viewing pleasure of my, um
viewers just so you can see part 2?
Remember what i did to you last time you screwed with my story?
DO YOU WANT ME TO DO IT AGAIN?!?
--NO! NO MORE ATOMIC WEDGIES!!--
Sorry about that mess folks, just allow me to fast-forward this story....
And then Monkeys ravaged the world with the help and leadership of Cortana...
WHOA I went a little too far, let me try this one....
yes i got it: The MC and his grunt side-kick were sitting down next to the fire roasting marshmellows and making smores.
"After all the technological advances they still can't find out how to make a perfect smore," MC said puzzled,"It's a physical impossibility i guess."
"That may be true. Either that, or u should not put the marshmellows in the coles." the Grunt suggested.
"You kno what," the MC said,"you need a nick name."
"yah your right i do, how about Bruiser?"the Grunt asked.
"sounds like a dog name," MC said.
"um, how about slasher?"
"hmmm how about Marty O'donnel?"
"oooh too scary"
"ummm how about...off-balaced-Grunt-that-got-teamed-up-with-master-chief-because-he's-a-freak?"
"you read my mind," the MC said smiling,"wait what was it again?"
"nevermind," the grunt said,"how about a popular showbiz nick name?"
"i got just the one, Nic-Nac." MC said.
"who the F*** is Nic-Nac?!?" The grunt asked.
"you know that 2 foot tall midget servant that tried to kill James Bond on the movie "Man With the Golden gun"?"
"oh... well im calling you nic-nac from now on" MC said bossily.
"OK, narrorator, if you dont kno how to spell a word, DONT put it in the story" MC ordered me.
dude dont tell me what to do, I can friggin give u pink hair or something, remember I controll this story....like....THIS!!!
MC and Nic-Nac walked into a gay bar, strangely MC felt at home.
"OK This is NOT funny, Narrorator!" MC yelled at me.
Dont yell at me!
"I can if I want," MC replied.
And then, ten homosexual men walked over to MC and started saying things like,"Do you work out?" and "nice ass".
"OKAY! OKAY YOU WIN NARRORATOR!" MC cried desperately
heh heh i love my job.
"HEY! watch where your hands are going Matt Soel!" MC Screamed to one of the gay men that was fondeling him.
heh heh alright i'll spare you this time, but next time, you arent gunna get any savior from those men.
"Fine, im sorry," MC glumly said,"Hey, where exactly is Nic-Nac?"
hmm i dont exactly kno.....AUGGHHH!!!
Nic-Nac was getting lap danced by a man, and was enjoying it, stuffing money in his pokets.
"WHAT! I SWEAR THEY MADE ME DO IT!" the Grunt screamed.
"uh-huh suuure." MC said "That's just downright disgusting Nic-Nac."
"hey come on" the Grunt said with desperation in his voice,"every covenant needs a little enjoyment."
"I have a question." MC said "Are all covenant Gay?"
"Well duh, why do you think all of our vehicles are PURPLE!!?!!"
"huh I guess i never thought of it that way." MC said slowly,"wait a second,"MC said slowly,"your friend Stephen was wondering how the covenant 'procreate'," MC said to me.
alright lets get along with the story shall we? heh you know what? I just now thought about that whole thing with the purple vehicles and i was like, wtf? ANYWAYS!
Procreate? why didnt Stephen just say 'how do they get it on' or something like that *invites Stephen over to the computer*. Stephen, where did you get 'procreate' from?
--the story is pretty good so far--
Yah, do you know ur in it?
--ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?--
--HI MOM HEY ANT! ryan ur a homo! I wanna give a shout out to--
alright enough of that.
soooo..... u wanna smosh?
ok i'll just put the story on auto.
Nic-Nac and MC walked out of the bar, each with mixed emotions,(the grunt was happy, and the MC's face was meloncholy)without a word they each climbed into the cockpit of the longsword and took off into space.
"I love this ship." MC said "look it even has a TV!"
"whoooooaaaaah" the grunt was completly impressed. "this would be really fun to play Game Cube on." the Grunt said. They looked at eachother, "AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"What a piece of shit, heh heh."
"yah what an awful game system."
"i use thier CD's as cup coasters."
they high-fived eachother.
"so do you have an XBOX on here?" the Grunt asked.
"Never go without it."
"hey lets play Hal-"Nic Nac said but had his sentece inturrupted.
"HEY LOOK! I have Fuzion Frenzy!"MC yelled
"but the best game is HAL-"Nic-Nac said but had his sentence cut off again
"OR we could play Mad Dash Racing!" MC Said
"ah forget it."the grunt said, giving up,"whats on TV? do you have a channel guide?"
"Yah its somewhere buried under all my old sweaty socks."
Nic-Nac turned swiveled his seat around to face the back of the ship and saw the mounds of dirty socks.
"auhhg, I think I'm gunna barf, are you sure there arent creatures living in those piles of socks?" the grunt asked.
"no, but if I were you, I'd put on a Haz-Mat suit before you pass the dirty tighty-whitie pile near them."
The Grunt shuddered at the thought and said" You know what I think I'll catch up on my meditation."
"well i guess that does prove that covenant ARE gay," MC muttered under his breath.
"hey just because I have one leg twice the size of my other doesnt mean that my grunty ears can't hear a thing."the grunt said in a Gruntily way.
GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS! GET UP COMEON GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS!
"Hey narrorator, why are you listening to that crap?"
Are you making fun of disturbed's "Down with the Sickness"?
"Yah, and by the way, KWOD(rock radio) sucks!" MC Screamed.
Dude shutup im trying to listen to Earshot: HOW, MUCH, MUST, I, LIVE, THROUGH, JUST to GET AWAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
"NARRORATOR! JUST SHUTUP!!!" MC screamed
Alright! I'm getting sick of you MC, have a nice life in the gay bar.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" MC yelled crying.
"WOOOOHOOOO!" the Grunt jumped with joy.
"you'll get me outta this place in part 4 right?"
Part 4? I never said anything about a part 4. MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
Special thanks for my guest Stephen and his crazy word 'procreate'.
all other material originated from the twisted mind of Ian a.k.a. el_halo_diablo, so if you're thinking that I beat up little johnny for this script...well....uh just dont tell his parents.