They're Random, Baby!

Fan Fiction

The Mis-adventures of master chief: part 2 (a comedy)
Posted By: el_halo_diablo<funkmonker3lite@hotmail.com>
Date: 22 July 2002, 1:15 am

Read/Post Comments

The master chief was done screaming....after 4 hours of continuous screaming
"finally," Cortana said,"I was just about to kill myself."
"Too bad u didnt," MC murmered
"Hey i heard that", cortana said snidly
"Your giving me a headache Cortana."
"Thats because i live INSIDE your head."
MC shuddered at the thought.
"hey, if u are in my brain, can u read what im thinking right now?"
"yah....,"Cortana went through his thoughts,"oh MC grow up!"
"Hehe,"MC chuckled.
"And just to straighten things out, NO, the hologram of myself is not nude"
"Darn," MC said glumly.
"well are u guys going to order something or block my lines?" 343 said to them.
"but 343, there hasnt been anyone behind us for the whole time we've been in here"
"DAMNIT, someone must've drew stick figures on my viewing lens again" 343 said frustrated.
MC quickly hid the marker behind his back.
"We'll Barbarian, hurry up and order, im getting sick of having u think about food in ur head." Cortana said impatiently.
"Then what if i think about...THIS!" MC said with a smirk.
"AAUGH...u seriously need to get laid." cortana said sickened.
MC was getting really annoyed with Cortana,"hey 343, how much will u pay me for a high quality AI to work as cashier?," MC said as-a-matter-of-factly.
"hmmm,do u mean Cortana?" 343 GS said interested.
"Percisly," MC said with a grin on his face.
"Nooooo, no-no-no-no NO!" Cortana said with deseration,"you'll be selling UNSC equipment! which, might i add, is ILLEGEAL!"
"Meh, i'll just tell them I'm sorry," MC said carelessly, "so how much 343?"
"hmmm she could be usefull, but i cant give u money, how bout a free meal?"
"Are u serious, with a deal like that i CANT refuse!" MC said, as he started to disengage Cortana.
"WAIT U CANT DO THIS, I've saved your butt bunces of times now your gunna sell me for a 'Greasy Burger' 'Cosmic fries' and a beer?!?" Cortana said enraged.
"hey i never said i was gunna get that how'd ya know?"
"I read your mind dumbshit" cortana said.
"oh yeah" MC said as he popped out the chip holding cortana, and put her into the cash register.
"welcome to Greasy's, may i take our order?" cortana said lamely. A holopanel showed her in a Greasy's apron, ad matching hat.
"Nice apron Cortana!" MC commented to Cortana while she flipped him off.
When MC sat down with his food, he just remembered,"wait a second, i dont eat food."
Before he left, he felt he had to settle the fight between him and 343 GS. so he went into the bathroom takig his burger and took a dump in it, "how can i not eat but i can take a crap?" MC wondered.
he snuck the burger back into the batch of the other burgers waiting to be ordered. "heh heh," he chuckled.
He left the resturant, waving to Cortana, while she still had her middle finger in the air at him.
He climbed into the longsword and started out into space. He turned on the TV to find the news: "We now have reports that the Master Chief, Spartan John 117, might have survived his escape from Halo, in which he destroyed to elliminate the flood and a covenant armada," the news reporter said,"HAHAHAHAHA!!! Im just joking people, now who would belive THAT kinda bs. some guy came into the station,beat up, with plasma scars, and told me about his 'voyage to Halo with MC and thier discoveries', and then he died right after he finished his sentence about how MC escaped. I've never heard such a load of bs. Yah, heh heh, and im sure MC 'just left Greasy's Fast Food resturant' HAHAHAHA," the reporter wiped the smile off his face,"in other news, Metafire a.k.a. Frogblast has just discovered his 100th trick in the game of Hal-"
MC turned off the TV, and played around with a chinese finger trap, and couldnt get his fingers out of it, so he piloted his longsword to the closest planet to find if anyone could figure out this complicated contraption.
When he landed all he saw was desolation, a whole town was silent he read the sign of the town, he read it out loud, "Welcome to Irony Town: The town of a thousand for-shadowings" he thought for a while "this town scares me-"
then he hear a squeaky voice in the air, "HEEELP!"
"huh?" MC said.
Then a pebble flew in the air and hit him in the head.
then he noticed a alive grunt, with no legs,"Excuse me sir but i have seemed to mis-placed my legs, AHHHH ITS YOU!!!!!!!"
"Give me one reason i shouldnt end your pitiful life right now." MC stated
"I'm a cripple, u wouldnt dare kill a cripple, would you?"
MC looked at the grunt with the sad puppy eyes then shifted his eyes to the readied MA5B, then back to the defenseless grunt, then back again to the MA5B, he did this for a couple of hours before he said, "I reluctlantly accept."
"Oh thank you, thank you so very much!" the legless grunt said.
"no problem, by the way, where are your legs and your covie team-mates?"
"oh me and my other grunty fiends were scouting and when i went to sleep, they tied me upside-down by my feet, as a prank. unfortunatly my legs popped off and a group of humans attacked us my grunty friends carried me untill they were all dead, now i need my legs which are quite far away from here... can u get them?"
"hmmm sure." MC said with an evil grin on his face.
He found a bag and went off to find the grunt's legs. He had an evil smile on his face because he planned to get back at the grunt for throwing a rock at his head. He came to a spot that was ironnicly filled with covenant legs.
--2 hours later--
um why did it just go to 2 hours later?

--another 2 hours later???--


--um..um..another 2 hours later???--

NO-NO-NO ur an idiot, here give me that!

--NO! u cant have the time progressor--

Come on Im the friggin NARRORATOR, now GIMMIE!

--but i dont wanna--

u kno what? your fired.

--too bad because i already quit!--



okay where were we? okay lets just start from when the MC comes back with the legs for the grunt.
"I'm just gunna give u a injection that will put u to sleep, so i can put your legs on." MC said
"okay, whatever just give me back my legs!" the grunt said with desperation.
the MC gave him the injection and started to put his legs on.

an hour later the grunt woke up,"hey i fell my legs moving one feels a little unbalanced, limmie open up my eyes and- WAAAAAAA?!?!?!?!?!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"heh heh hahahaha"MC Broke out in a laugh.
"how come I have 1 grunt leg and 1 ELITE LEG???!!!"
"hey its not my fault" MC said laughing, "i never was the best at that game 'operation'."
"NO NO, u HAVE to change the leg!" the grunt screamed.
"well... u shouldnt have thrown that rock, that kinda hurt my feelings." MC looked at the ground.
"hey," the grunt put his hand on MC's shoulder,"your gay also???"
"NO!!!" The MC shouted
"Oh-i mean-thats too bad-i mean-me neither." the grunt said as his cheeks turned purple(wait arent they already purple? oh well).
"hey do u need a sidekick?" the grunt asked inquizentively.
"huh?"the MC asked,"whats inquizentively???"
shutup MC im trying to act smart in this story....so uh just pay attention to the part your playing.
"well i know my grunty comrades wont accept me and my off balanced leg."
"well, this wouldnt be called a mis-adventure if i didnt have a weird sidekick"
"alright! Besides i always wanted to be a main character in a story" the grunt said happily.
"who does this grunt think he is Narrorator?" MC asked me,"are you giving him the main role, because if you do...."
oh MC dont shake your fist at me. besides im sure the grunt will die in part 3.
the MC looked puzzed, "part 3???."