Makin' It Real (Comedy) Part 2 of 2
Posted By: CoLd BlooDed<firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: 12 April 2004, 4:17 AM
Then again, he decided he was just going to make it up, considering that he had no idea what he was going to write.
"So, CoLd, you done the second part yet?" asked Mainevent quietly.
"No! I just started!"
"Okay, good." and the HBOer returned to his confused expression.
Wu had been staring at them, wondering what they were talking about, "Silence! Stop talking, it's getting annoying."
"Oh, don't worry CoLd, I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the CoLd in the story."
Oh, okay. Now let me return to typing.
"Stop making me sound stupid!" Mainevent cried abruptly.
Screw you; I can do whatever I want.
Suddenly and swiftly, the HBOer exploded, showering the others all in fleshy goodness. Everyone groaned, including Louis.
Sorry, that was stupid.
Everything froze in place with teemus vomiting, Wu laughing, and the body parts falling, then slowly "re-winded" like a movie, or more specifically, my story. Mainevent soon became whole, teemus' spew was sucked back into his mouth, and Wu stopped laughing. It was as if nothing had happened.
There we go, now, let's stop this and get back to the story.
Then the HBO website-host led the HBOers to another HBO display, behind the HBO-built glass were HBO benches, and the color of the walls were HBO-branded blue. Branded on the blue wall were the words
HBO RESPAWN ROOM
CoLd raised an eyebrow, obviously confused at the displays importance, and waited for one of the others to ask the question, nervous that the name actually meant what it meant, if that makes sense . . .
"Well?" asked Wu, "Isn't it impressive?"
"What is it?" asked Awacar, CoLd sniggered loudly, sounding much like an obese man having a heart attack. Everyone stared at him, and once he stopped and blushed, they returned their attention to Wu.
"What does it say?" he replied.
"It says 'HBO Respawn Room"." replied Walker.
"Exactly," Louis stopped, realizing that the guests were still confused, and sighed, "This is where the Homelan players, more distinctively, HBOers, come when they die in the game."
"What? So you're saying that Halo multiplayer is real too?" asked Helljumper.
The host looked into the glass, and sitting on the bench was mr. n00b and KP, chatting amongst themselves looking sullen and tired. CoLd noticed a timer up in the corner of the room, glowing red:
Remaining Time: 10 Seconds
The HBOers stood in silence as the clock counted down, listening to the high-pitched tone it emitted after a second passed, and once it reached zero the Homelan players sitting down rose up and walked out a door. But as KP opened the door, CoLd got a glimpse of what appeared to be Blood Gulch in all its grassy goodness.
"What's the matter?" asked Wu in alarm.
"He gasped." replied Awacar.
"Oh, I see."
"Stop talking, now."
"Alright! Sheesh, someone's cranky."
"I thought you said stop talking."
"I did, so let's stop."
So they stopped.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Hawk at the top of his lungs after the arguing pair had finished, everyone looked at him, watching, carefully examining, and driving him to the breaking point. "Don't look at me, you freaks, I won't talk like you, I'll die first!" Everyone continued to stare as the HBOer rambled on, changing words that originally belonged in the level transcripts, "Mind your own talking place, you bastards are everywhere! Be loud! That's what I did . . . be loud. They took the HBOers, oh, God, I can still hear that goddamn conversation!"
"Quiet Hawk." CoLd said angrily.
"Bastards," the HBOer sobbed, then he screamed, "Just leave me alone! CoLd? Awacar? Louis Wu? Oh, God . . . they talked . . . and stopped, get it? Stopped! They won't make me talk, oh, no, please don't let them make me talk, please, God . . ."
"Wow, that was useless," Wu said confusedly, "but if you redirect your attention to the display . . ."
"Uh, Louis, I think Hawk just had a nervous breakdown." informed 'Nosolee.
"That's too bad."
"Okay, let's not get into this again."
"I completely agree."
"What the fuck? That doesn't even make sense."
Hawk whimpered. CoLd ignored him and asked Wu to move on to the next display, the webmaster led them to it. Behind the glass were people, not lots, but some, and CoLd recognized them instantly.
"What the hell is this supposed to be?" he asked suddenly.
"This is where the people go that want to be in your story," the host replied, "They've been waiting here since Part 1."
"Well, this is stupid."
"Hey, kid, shut up, this is your story."
CoLd looked up where the glass ended and was replaced by a metal wall, in large, bold letters read
Random HBOers Who Wish to be in CoLd BlooDed's Comedy
As he looked at every face of the people inside, he listed them out-loud, "Sentinel . . . Hell Starter . . . MCC (Also known as MC's Cousin) . . . Nick Kang . . . JJiggsaww, and teemus."
Wait, how did teemus get in there?
"How the fuck did you get in there, teemus?" asked CoLd quizzically.
"I got lost!" he pressed his face up against the glass, "I can't breathe and it smells in here! I think it's MCC."
CoLd ignored him and looked at the others, they looked sad, they wanted a line, and he knew it. The sympathetic HBOer looked at Wu, blinked twice, and opened his mouth to speak, then blinked again.
"Let's give 'em what they deserve!" he said happily.
"Aye aye, you frequently-blinking asshole." replied Wu.
The display room suddenly exploded, vaporizing the people in the room before the guests' eyes, CoLd rubbed his hands together. "Hope that'll get rid of them, those desperate bastards, they shouldn't have asked to be in this story."
Louis scribbled something on the glass.
Soon to be a Starbucks
"Damn, that company is going to rule the world." said Odin thoughtfully as he took a sip of his Mocha, and then muttered, "Bastards."
"Now, onto the next section, although I warn you, it may not be pretty." Wu said and led them to another display; the inside looked very much like an office, and at one of the desks sat someone. "That's . . . Stuntmutt."
The HBOers looked into the glass, Stuntmutt was scribbling frantically, muttering to himself: "Gotta reach the deadline, come on, Stuntmutt, think, THINK!" Then he noticed Wu and his guests staring in on him, the One One Se7en creator pulled out one of the Halo Shotguns and fired into the glass. "I'm not an animal; I shouldn't have a freakin' glass pane in my office!" Stuntmutt fired again, "You bastards, stop looking at me!"
Louis chuckled heartily, "That foo doesn't know what he's talking about."
The door inside the exposed workplace opened suddenly, and inside walked the people who had been blown up in the previous display, except teemus, he was dead. JJiggssaw walked up to the window and pressed his face against it, the glass become foggy every breath the HBOer took.
"Come on man, at least let me have one line, I can even become a n00b!" JJiggssaw yelled, his voice slightly muffled.
"There you go!" replied CoLd.
JJiggssaw attempted to talk again, but his skin grew over his mouth so he couldn't talk. Nick Kang stepped up to the window and tried to talk, but CoLd had had enough.
The display room—yes, you guessed it—exploded, enveloping the HBOers (and the forgotten Stuntmutt) in a sudden white flash. Wu sighed.
Just then, an AI appeared on a pedestal beside the host, "Louis, the army is outside, threatening to bomb the HQ."
"Which army is it?"
"Oh, well, that's not a problem."
"They claimed to have Bottle Rockets and Roman Candles!" the female AI said urgently, "Wu, I suggest you take the proper precautions."
"Fine! Send out the Helljumpers."
"Yes, Louis." the AI flickered and disappeared.
"Great, now that that's taken care of—" Wu was cut off by a screeching sound.
"They're opening up with their Bottle Rockets, return fire!" a stern voice, perhaps belonging to Captain Keyes (or the voice actor), echoed over the P.A. Everyone inside the building started to scream and run around frantically.
CoLd slapped his face.
"Now they're dropping the Mighty Mites! Take cover!"
Several dull thumps echoed through the large, single room which made the HBO HQ, everyone looked up and laughed when nothing followed the thuds.
"False alarm, they were duds . . . and rocks."
"Well, that concludes the tour," Louis said, "Sorry for such an abrupt end, but since we are under a minor attack"—there was an explosion, most likely from the ODST's outside—"you have to go, if you can kill someone, it would be very appreciated."
"Hey, Wu." whispered Mainevent.
"It took you two parts of a series to construct this HBO HQ?"
"Yeah, it was inflatable."
Mainevent sighed as several more bumps emanated through the chamber. Then looked at CoLd, "You suck, making me look so stupid."
"That hurts." CoLd replied with a frown.
"Deal with it."
"No, seriously, you're stepping on my foot."
"And I said deal with it."
The fictional CoLd looked at me.
What do you want, ugly?
"Hey, you just called yourself ugly! Dumbass . . .
he paused and then added, "But I was gonna say, this comedy is getting out of hand, I suggest you end it."
No! Make me.
"Oh, hell naw, it's on."
CoLd lunged for me, I sidestepped and kicked him in the stomach, but I dropped to the ground gasping for air . . . as did the fictional CoLd.
"Son of a bitch!" he cried and punched me in the face, he clutched his eye.
I kicked him in the nuts. Realizing what I had done, I cried out and dropped to the floor, wondering if I would ever have children.
"Stop hitting! Stop!" yelled Louis suddenly, I stopped and returned behind my computer and typed.
I'm sick of this shit; you all deserve to die, except you Wu, because you're cool.
An explosion rumbled through the HQ suddenly, engulfing every single HBOer in a brilliant flash while Louis flew with his jetpack out of the wreckage to safety.
"Well, looks like they did have a working Mighty Mite, and it weighed over three-hundred pounds!" the man said over the P.A before the HBO building was destroyed.
A man stepped out in front of me, he was wearing a black suit and a tie, "Damn, man, where's my Starbucks gonna go now, huh?"
Sorry, but this was just a story.
I had no other choice but to pull the plug on my computer, leaving everything I had recently typed to fade into nothingness.
"Yeah, dude, the end." Nick Kang said, I had completely forgotten he was supposed to get lines!
Oh, sorry, might as well give everyone who wanted in a line.
"Dude, why'd you end it like that?" asked Sentinel.
"See? I told you I was in the story." MCC said happily.
"Hah! That was great." stated Hell Starter.
"Me equals invincible!" yelled teemus.
You already got lines, jerk. teemus exploded. Okay, now it is:
Oh, shit, sorry for not mentioning some of the people in this one that I did in the last, such as Hunter_Killer, Agent Shade, and 'Nosolee. If I forgot to mention someone who was in the first part, just say.