They're Random, Baby!

So which one of you HBO guys took my money?
Posted By: Skavenger_s7 Date: 4/28/03 5:10 a.m.

I walked down the isle at Target scanning the latest games. I was flipping through the rack of some Xbox games, reading the backs.... As some women approached my area. I moved over to a place out of the way, to let them by me, but they stopped. They were talking about buying games for their twin boys’ birthday. They really had no idea what to get so I stepped in an offered my advice to see if I could get a read on what sort of gamer they were raising. As usual they really didn't know, and despite my questions, I was no further along in helping them then when I began.

Of course my default answer was Halo, and I was holding it in my hand when the little brats came racing down the isle screaming at the top of their lungs. The mom and her friends asked the kids (all 5 of them) if they would be interested in Halo. They all laughed and said some of the most childish responses that you have ever heard! "That game is for kids...” "Nobody plays that old game anymore”, “it’s too easy, we played at mikes house and we beat it in like under 3 hours on the hardest setting and even unlocked the secret levels", "It sucks”. “We found everything in it"

I asked little junior if he had found the Yellow Banshee? I said, "Hey there...if you are that good show me where it is" "I'll give you a hundred bucks if you can". Our little corner of the room went silent as his mother tried to decide if I was a con or a jerk or both. The kids all had a certain smirk as we all moved to the game display. The counter jockey opened up the case dropped in Halo, and the brat began to play. I said, “Well if you beat the whole game on the hardest setting in under 3 hours, finding this yellow banshee should be a cakewalk right?" He barely glanced at me and asked me to show him the big bill. I held out a crisp 100 dollar bill.

The boy played on as the rumor sped through the store. Soon the crowd swelled to over a hundred. People were sitting on shelves and display stands as far as I could see. He was showing his skill at the "3 gun trick" and then killed a computer guy on the bridge!!! "What the hell?" I said. "You're screwed now" I boasted. And I almost put away my money when a loud crash came from behind me. It was just some dork who fell of the Johnson and Johnson display. I turned back to the screen only to see the kid fighting his way through the mess hall. "WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I looked around and only a few others knew the significance of what had occurred. I was shocked........dumbfounded.........and the kids smirk grew wider. When he got to level 2, he slid a hog sideways and "popped" up to the top of the level. And with sniper rifle in hand began to pick frozen enemies at will. I didn't even think this could be done. He breezed through the level and was off and running again. I began to wonder how old frogblast was, I couldn't for the life of me remember. I felt like Butch and Sundance, I didn't know who this kid was.......but he was SOMEBODY!

He jumped off the Pelican and was supposed to stay high and to the right, he didn't. He ran full speed at the covies with sniper rifle on zoom, and no illumination on! He was firing that thing like a pistol, and was at the grav lift in moments. He hit that lift and was pointing straight up! He was picking guys as they came down at him. He owned that lift, and barely covenant could even draw there weapon and they were dead. He let the next cut scene play through as he smiled at me with a look of total control. I asked him his name and he said...."Ricky.... Ricky Jones”. I gulped. "So, do you like.... know anyone at Bungie?"............."Just my uncle, Jason."

He shot from a black Shade; he barrel rolled a Banshee through the open doors in AotCR. He killed a Hunter with only two shots to the head!

I took a step back. What the hell was going on??? I was just about to make him my new best friend when he began to speak..........

"You know I have a friend, the less agile guy who fell earlier? His name is Roger. Recognize him?" I didn't really see him so I said no. And the guy to my far left.....well his name is Tony Clifton." "So", I said. "Am I supposed to know them?" A little darker skinned man who I could barely see before came up and said, "We have been waiting to put an end to your bullshit for a year now Skavenger". It all came into focus. The kid who fell was Roger.... T-money. Tony was Click-Clay. The screaming psycho girl that kept annoying everyone with nonsense from the back row was Meg; and a host of others that had thought I wronged them in some way, quickly showed themselves. I quickly turned back to the dark man in front of me and said..."Well Miguel, I thought you would be taller". Then I turned away.

I was trying to keep myself together as I looked back at the screen just in time to see him riding the lift up for the final run. Out of the corner of my eye was another familiar face...with an unmistakable bright shirt. "Cla.... uh...Louis! What the hell is this?" He said, "Well man, if you can't take it...don't dish it out in such big helpings" He smiled and stood there looking at me. I thought that this was a little overkill for the king of mediocrity, but I resided myself to find out how he was going to pull a Yellow Banshee out of his ass!

He began his run and I felt popcorn and ice cubes start pinging me in the back of the head. The sea of people was angry that day my friends! He arrived at the checkpoint for Foehammer with only 2 minutes gone by. He got out and stood there.....and stood there... he could have changed the oil and rotated the tires with the time he had! I looked over at him; he took a sip of soda from his friend’s cup and said to him, "It does look more like a Puma doesn't it?" Well now it came to this. Foehammer turned that corner already on fire. She was flaming worse than the posts to follow. He made short work of the Banshees and then tossed a grenade to the side of his hog. The hog went into a flat spin off the ledge and he jumped into the gunner’s seat as it did. And right as I thought Yellow barrier was surely going to end my nightmare he jumped...............

.............and landed on a ledge. He quickly turned up and looked directly into the sunlight. And God as my witness............ with the noise of wind chimes straight from the desert of Cottonwood Arizona, the most spectacular Yellow Banshee emerged from the light!!! ................

He paused the game............................. The crowd was now silent. What was I to do? His mom slipped the bill from my sweat drenched fingers. She gave me a kiss on the cheek, for pity only I was sure and walked away. The crowd started to disband. Some laughing softly, others smiling with complete content, and a few flipping me the bird. I fell to my knees. How could this have happened to me? I sat there covered in soda and popcorn, broke!

After awhile I reached up and held the controller in my hand. I wanted to see more of my Yellow Banshee. I unpaused it.........nothing happened??? I pressed it again...nothing??? I slammed up against the glass, the XBox was running, and the controller plugged in....what the...? I grabbed the geek at the counter by the throat and took his keys. He screamed and hit the security button. But it was too late, I was in! I pulled the cord out of the Xbox! The TV showed the game still paused! "SHIT!!!!!" I climbed up to the TV and began to pull the coax cable to find its source. Half way down the isle, and after knocking every piece of software off the second shelf.....there it was..... A VCR. Playing a tape. When I ejected the tape, I could here the TV go snowy. "Bastards!!" The pounding I took from security and the blood from the tightly placed cuffs didn't change my blank expression or my focus. I had one thing on my mind.................REVENGE!

I just needed to find out who that kid was!

Was it you?

sk-out and looking!

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