They're Random, Baby!

She kicked me out and kept the TV.........
Posted By: Skavenger_s7 <Skavenger_s7@hotmail.com> Date: 7/24/03 2:04 a.m.

I told you that I got a 42" plasma right? And hooked up halo first? Well we had a little discussion about it..........

So after my wife banned the game of Halo in our house for one month I was pretty upset. I needed to find a way to get my fix and I wanted it now. It seemed like I wandered the streets aimlessly for hours on end. But the truth was I hadn't even left my street and it was only about 20 minutes.

My buddy Doug across the street had heard about my 42" plasma and had gone out and gotten a projection TV. He bought a really bitchin' pull down screen and set it all up in his den. See, he had this monster wall that was just begging for a screen to be the center of attention. So seeing me alone he dragged me into a monster guy’s night of halo and beer. (Well I drank Pepsi but I still sort of fit in.)

I learned something about halo that night that I never knew. Did you guys know that if you wear 3-D glasses it works!!!! No lie! They never told us that but it was awesome. Now ad to it a cranked up stereo in surround sound mode and I tell you it feels like you were right there in the game!

I had to stop every so often and take the glasses off and walk away. It was making me motion sick from time to time. I first thought something was odd when the 3-D effect was making me sick and I raced to the sink to throw up. I recovered nicely but noticed something weird..... I had forgotten to put on my 3-D glasses. "Wow, this is really getting to me, I LOVE IT!"..... I threw up again and rinsed out my mouth to get ready to go back into it. I turned off the water...and there was silence...........like nothing. I could almost hear the light bulb buzzing in the bathroom I was in. Gone were the pounding bass of the game and the roar of Doug and his crew. Maybe they were just taking a break I thought. I slowly opened the creaking door and went down the hallway. I couldn't hear a voice anywhere. I peeked with one eye around the doorway into the room. It was empty. The game was still running but all the controllers were lying on the floor. "Hello?.... Hey guys this isn't funny!" I sat down with my knees together and my hands folded. I thought I would just wait a bit.

While I was sitting I thought might get a little edge on things and play a few minutes and ramp up my score some. My controller didn't work. It was still plugged in too.....? None of the controllers worked....? "What the hell?" I sat back into a chair and just stared at the screen. I couldn't figure out where they went or why the game wouldn't let me play it. I looked up at the clock and then stared back at the screen. The game wasn't frozen up because we were still on Sidewinder and the snow was still falling.......... "Wait a second....... I don't remember snow actually falling on sidewinder." My heart began to race and I backed away from the screen. The farther back away I got the more I could see......... the screen was divided into four parts.... but it formed ONE background. It was ONE scene...... somewhere in AotCR I suspected. I watched the snow fall silently on the screen and I slowly dropped behind the couch just far enough to allow me to see. There was one controller I hadn't touched yet. I reached over the cushions and as I turned it over I must have pressed a button....the screen fizzled for a second and the dividing lines were gone. I held my breath and swallowed slowly. A slow breeze from the screen blew in at me and brought a whisper of snow into the den floor. My eyes went as wide as saucers. I focused a bit more and could see footprints leading away..... away into the canyon. After half an hour I got up my courage to move in a bit. I got close to the screen and could feel the coldness surrounding me. I reached my hand out to touch the screen and visions of Stargate went through my head. "I can see it now.... headlines read big fat guy touches screen and disappears to other side of the galaxy" My hand went into the screen without anything happening. "OK, just like James Spader......close your eyes and step through..." Whap! Right into the snow face first I went. I looked back and could see the den. It looked like a window from this side too, kind of like the other side. I turned with a little more confidence, as I knew the way home, and figured I would explore a little bit. The snow was deep. It made walking very slow. After 10 minutes I had only gotten about 200 feet. I kept looking back, determined to not lose site of my doorway home. I glanced back again, but this time I freaked out!! I could see Doug's wife in the den, she was looking around. I yelled at her.....yelled to get her to look at the screen. I started running back; I saw her turn the stereo off. "Oh no! She can't hear me anymore!" She walked over to the Xbox, and knelt down. "NOOOO!!!!" I screamed. She gave a half look to the screen...right at me...and turned it off............... All at once my view of the den went away, and I was alone. I was cold and the wind was blowing slowly as the snow fell. I had no choice but to follow the footsteps and see where they went.

I walked for hours.........................

I walked until I could hardly feel my feet and fingers anymore. I came around a bend and noticed a small camp ahead. Quietly I made my way behind some rocks and close enough to where I could see who was there. It was a covenant camp, more specifically a grunt camp. They were all asleep. I counted over 50 of them and that was just what I could see from where I was standing. My eyes glazed over at the site of the warm fire. So with my courage up to speed (or my desperation in control) I walked slowly to the flames. I knew the rules here, NO TOUCHY and they would keep snoring like my passed out drunk uncle Bob. I sat close to the fire and kept a sharp look out for any Covenant on patrols. Only a few minuets there and I was feeling better. I could see quite a ways around me. The canyon was really wide here. Over against one cliff was a make shift cell. "Huh, I didn't think the Covies took prisoners" I made my way back the way I'd came, and circled around toward the cells. Behind a rock was a huge pile of human weapons. All covered in blood. I grabbed a pistol and an SR. I paused for a moment and looked at the blood everywhere, and then I wiped some of it in stripes across my face. I was beginning to get pumped up. I used the rifle and zoomed in on the cells. All the grunt guards were asleep and the cells were filled. They were hap-hazardly stacked together and I counted 7 cells from my position. I made my way from the cover of the rocks and went right at the cells. "Man, this freaking thing is a lot heavier to carry in real life...geeeez" I got to the first cell undetected. Most of the marines were dead. A few were alive but nobody was really aware of me being there. A serious tone ran through my body when I hit the second cell. Holding onto the bars with both hands, and his face pressed against the cold steel was Louis. I ran around and dropped in front of him. "Shit! Dude! How did you get here???" He looked up with total surprised eyes and said "Skav! Man I can't believe it's you.... get me out" I started on the lock as he told me about his LAN party that just went bad. "We all were sucked in and started running for our lives. I was the farthest away from the Covenant AND hiding, yet they caught me first from my group. I glanced down and then back up... "It couldn't be this bright yellow tie-dye shirt you’re sporting could it?" A scowl came over his face and he blurted out "Just get me out". The lock came undone and Louis said, "Did you bring me a gun?"..."Umm, no. I could only carry 2 weapons for some reason" I replied. He said, "You know there is a way to carry 3... you just have to look it up" "I know", I said.... "But you know I suck at looking stuff up Louis." "Well give me the sniper rifle, you know you can't hit shit with one anyways," he said. "Shut up Louis, go get your own. There’s a bunch of stuff behind those rocks." I growled back as I pointed. I came upon Break Point next. He was wearing sandals and cut off Levi shorts, a wife beater and a long straw hat with shades. "Skav," he yelled. "Dude, quiet! You trying to wake them all up??" I took a small step back...."Man, I don't know how you got here, but I got to ask... where you playing Halo dressed like that?” I asked. Break looked me over, "uh look who's talking Indian boy, what's with the blood on your face? I know! (Pointing at me) Rambo, right?" I was biting my lips in anger... Break stopped my comments with ...."Hey what's with the SR Skav? You know you can't hit shit with that." "Damnit Break shut up!" The last cell had only a handful of people in it; Click-clay and haloGod were among them. "Better leave some here to not make it really obvious" I said under my breath, and off I went.

I rejoined the group not too far away in some trees near a place where the canyon splits. They were discussing strategy.

Louis: OK, what we need to do is get to the POA.

Red Loser: Why?

Louis: Well, it is the only place where there is a ship that can get us out of here.

Guy Who Doesn't Post: OK, great idea, why don't we live in the 'NOW’. I mean it is crashed somewhere in the desert remember? And we are in the snow, therefore I can assume we either have a really long walk to get there, or we are really close by and we just need to wait for the seasons to change!!!!

Red Loser: Why if it is close to do we have to wait? Who cares if it is covered in snow?

Matt: Well, I think that some of the physics rules will apply here, and one of them tells me that the POA needs to be where I put it... in the sand... So he's right. Either we walk far... or if we are close we wait.

Louis: Speaking of that, Matthew, why don't you pull some 'TRON USER’ features out of your ass and shoot some light beams up and get us outta here.

Matt: I don't think it works that way.

Louis: Oh, so how does it work Matt? We fight our way out against the Covenant and the flood? What if Skav left the game on Legendary???? Then what???? Do we have a chance?

Skav: Hey, wait how do we know you are all in my game, maybe I'm in yours???? I mean if we are all in someone’s game then lets hope it's Goatrope's.... he always plays it on "easy".... he he he

Goatrope: Shut up Skav, I play it on hard settings you dick!

****************** Covenant dropship on approach! ******************

(everyone dropped to the ground)

Louis: Holy shit that was Cortana's voice...and really loud too!

Jamirus: Well I picked up a helmet with a headset from one of our dead buddies.... (smacking himself in the head) I just can't turn off the speakers on this freaking helmet!!!! And it is stuck on my head too!! Help me get this off. (Red puts his foot square in Jami's face and begins to pull.)

Skav: (looking around sees BOLL still standing looking closely at a tree.) BOLL, this is hardly the time to be impressed with someone's programming skills, unless you are finding a way to get us out of here.... GET THE F**K down!

The dropship went passed us about 300 yards and then another one landed to the south of us. They both hovered for a second. Then landed. Out came elites... nothing but elites! It woke up the grunts at that makeshift camp and the canyon filled with this really loud music. We could hardly even hear ourselves talking.

Matt: Oh, nice Marty! Could this be more annoying? Just what we need, a canyon loaded with the best of the Royal Phil Harmonic!

Louis: What? Is Marty here too?????

Matt: No, I am just saying..........

Just then a crash shook the ground. It was some sort of plasma explosion, probably a Wraith nearby. The first grunts were bearing down on us... I decided that while these guys were going to sit and discuss life I was going to handle the situation.............. I leaped forward and started cracking off sniper rounds like it was my job. 20 shots later, and a canyon now filled with vapor trails pointing back and giving away our location.... one grunt was dead.

Louis: Nice shooting Skav! ..............Dumbass!

Skav: Hey one is dead!

Goatrope: yea you gave him a heart attack with a near death experience...

Skav: OK, that joke is getting old.

Guy Who Doesn't Post: Behind us!

We all glanced back and the elites from the dropship were getting nearer and their plasma rifle fire was now getting really close. When all at once a Puma... umm, warthog came sliding around the corner. It ran over 6 of the grunts and the chain gun was spilling hot shells like rain. The sniper in the front seat was pulling double head shots on elites faster than I could count. All at once courage overcame fear and Red, Guy, Jami, and Goat stood up and led a mad charge behind the hog firing like maniacs and screaming as loud as they could. I stood there in total disbelief and the hair on my arms stood straight out. I developed a big grin as I began to take it all in. I raised my pistol and went to work.

The fight was going well for us, each Covie ship that dropped in; we had one of our own with fresh men to help. (fresh like "new" not fresh "horny") The hardest parts to fight against were some very well placed Shades mounted into the cliff walls in a way hard to take down. Vector came around from a rock pile I screamed at him to get those things off the walls!!! All at once a hog blew almost straight up!! WAY UP!! Then another and another... Out of the 3, one hit a wall mounted Shade and sent it tumbling down. R.G. Was running backwards with a stopwatch...counting...and laughing out loud. He ran up to me, "Dude, 35 seconds and I smoked one of those bastards!" I was dumbfounded...with my mouth wide open. "Man, you really are the best at that aren't you" I yelled to him. All at once I could hear Louis, "Retreat!!!!! Run for the door!!!" I looked around to see close to 30 Ghosts coming up the canyon, each had a gold elite driving and they were killing everything, even there own guys. I made a mad dash along the canyon wall trying to get to that long downhill entrance. I wasn't going to make it. As the Covenant got closer I laid down and pretended to be dead. They went right by me. I saw Odd flip a hog into position right as a ghost went by, he went up and flipped upside down, and Red plugged him 6 times before the son of a bitch even touched down. "Nice work" I said to myself. I caught a glimpse of Jamirus running full speed to the door yelling at Cortana and pulling on his stolen helmet (that was NOT coming off)..."Shut up! Shut up! I freaking heard you damnit!! This IS what I do best I run!!!" Guy, Louis and Matt got to the Hunters first. They dropped down and started to load them up with everything they had. Matt said, "We have to get past them and get that door open NOW!!!" The covenant were closing in. The defense line at their flank was closing up fast and everyone was going to be trapped. The Hunters started a slow march up the ramp of snow right at the guys. The elites were systematically executing soldiers as the pressed our group into a smaller and smaller circle. I was frozen; I could do nothing but watch and cry. They were all going to be dead within 60 seconds.............

What the hell was I even doing here........................

I felt a tap on my shoulder... BANG!! I squeezed off a round and almost shot my foot off, I spun around, and there was Goatrope. "Man I am I glad to see you" he said. "Me too" I replied. We both looked on and counted the seconds. "I don't know what to do,” I said with what felt like my last breath. I turned to him again... "How did you get away from them?" Goat said, “I hid behind that Scorpion tank and when...." "WHAT? WHAT TANK? WHERE??"I exclaimed. Goat pointed to some rocks close by and I could see the turret sticking out from behind them. I ran to it and jumped in. "Hello, and welcome to the..." "Shut the hell up Sheila and drive!!!!” I screamed out. I barreled around the corner and came up over a knoll. I was tight, I was ready, and I was going to kill something. The rumble from inside this tank was pure power. I wasn't going to miss, I wasn't going to stop; I cleared the trees and skidded to a long sideways halt. What I saw in front of me changed my life. 2 wraith tanks pointing at me, 3 cliff mounted Shades, 20 to 30 grunts, 12 elites with swords, and the shadows moving on the ground led me to believe 3 or 4 banshees were about. The covenant were staring at me laughing. The guys (my friends) were all tied up together looking at me crying. And Louis, sitting in the center of our captured party... Looked up at me and gasped like his last great hope for his survival had been placed in the hands of the king of mediocrity. "Don't worry Louis, I may not do anything best but this time................THIS TIME it will be good enough." I ground those gears to metal shavings; I took that engine to places it had never seen before in the red zone, and let it all fly. I spun off a round out of the main cannon that cleared the field and covered my guys with snow. The covenant charged at me. I strafed the ground troops with machine gun fire setting half of them back into their own blood. The guys all started a mean roar of attack! At that moment 2 wraith cannon shots hit me and threw me like a dead soldier in Randy's video 500 feet across the canyon. I had a pretty good view before I was knocked out from the impact with frozen rock. But, what I saw made me proud, all the captured guys from HBO stood up and with hands tied, darted into the rage. Louis and Matt were driving Ghosts with their feet and Guy and Red body checking full blown elites with swords to slow them down. But the thing I saw that amazed me most was Shishka! Coming out of his ropes like the hulk. He stopped a downward slice from a yellow elite that should have killed him and turned it into an oncoming Hunter. The hunter died and his fuel rod firing as he left this world took out the elite.

********************* everything went black *********************

I awoke hours later deep in the forest near a campfire. A skinny Hispanic guy was hovering over me. So close it scared the shit out of me. "Are you OK,” he asked. "'Cause you took a pretty good hit to the head." Man this guy was talking fast. "Were you there?” I asked as I struggled to an upright sitting position. “Yes, I was there... I was shooting and fighting and I was like in this Ghost and I came out of the cave and I was all, GET OUT OF MY WAY, and then I jumped out and was throwing grenades and was killing people and then I never got hit once and I saved you" ......... "Dude! Shut the F**K up, geese calm down" ... "Who are you?" He looked at me... stood up straight and proud, put out his hand to shake mine, "I am KORHAL" I fell back into the snow. “Holy shit this day just keeps getting better and better"

Skav: What happened to the others?

KORHAL: Most of them died, the ones that lived they took to the Monitor.

Skav: What for?

KORHAL: They wanted them to tell where the index was.

Skav: What? None of us have the index, what a bunch of dumbasses.

I looked around at the few weapons and things KORHAL had gathered from the battle. I found Jamirus' helmet.

KORHAL: You going to put that on like Master Chief and see what happened?

Skav: No, (like I wanted to see a replay of Jamirus running into everything with a helmet stuck covering his eyes yelling at Cortana......... he probably lived the longest because the covenant thought he was a mental case)

KORHAL: Hey why is it you treat me so bad all the time? I did save your life.

Skav: Well, it’s like this. You said so much stuff that not even god could do.......... And then you hid behind the lie of "no way to record" all the bullshit you supposedly did......... well you get the idea.

KORHAL: yes, but there was some stuff Louis even said I was first to bring up. It is in there, go and look

Skav: No, I never really was any good at archived stuff

KORHAL: And!!!! Over the last few months I have contributed good sensible things.

Skav: sorry never read any of those.

KORHAL: Well people have accepted me and I have earned a spot there in HBO for months now.

Skav: Well, I have been gone for a bit. Maybe you are accepted and maybe your not.

I started to get up and gather a few things to go and try to rescue the guys.

Skav: And don't try to follow...come along... or help either. I can't take liars with me.

KORHAL: WHAT? Lies? Name one lie!

I looked hard at him to show what a bad ass I really was, and clear as day I said... "YELLOW BANSHEE"

KORHAL: NO! That wasn't me!

Skav: The whole forum said it was you. You know you shouldn't prey on unsuspecting newbies. It is really unbecoming a forum regular.

KORHAL: NO, NO, NO! I swear it wasn't me!!!

I turned quickly right at him.

Skav: Man, I trusted you back then. I looked for hours and hours for that yellow banshee you prick! (I started to shed a tear) I was made a fool by you in front of everyone.

Korhal was quiet. He walked up to me and put his hand on my shoulder from behind. "I'm sorry. It was just some joke. I am very sorry. Let me go with you and I'll do whatever you say.

(changing my demeanor) I snapped up my gear and said "Cool, let's go" He looked a little confused as to my sincerity but he decided not to question me right now, and follow me he did. As we started off he said, "Hey, before you got in the tank... how did you get away from the Covenant?"... I responded with a little arrogance in my voice,” I laid down and pretended I was dead." KORHAL said, "Oooooh nice one Skav! Wait, they should put that in the next game!"... I said, "Yes, I think so too" Korhal kept quiet for about 2 seconds...."Hey can I stripe my face like that too? I once had my face covered with..." I put my hands over my ears. Just then as we began to leave his camp, Goatrope stepped out from behind a tree.

Skav: How long have you been there goat?

Goatrope: Long enough to know you are more full of shit than any 2 people I know!

Skav: Ok, so what... he he he Anyways Korhal is coming with us. But we ain't buddies and we ain't friends. He is just along for the ride.

Goatrope: Whatever, when I first saw you two he looked like he was bent over kissing you.

I turned and pressed my gun to goats head.

Goatrope: wow, ok. It’s cool. If you say nuthin's up then nuthin's up. I'm cool with that.

I pulled it back.

Skav: OK, we go to try to help our friends... nothing more.

Korhal danced along with us, "Cool! this is like the fellowship of the ring.... only there are only 3 of us...YES! Just like at the end ...I want to be Legolas? I wanna be Legolas. Can I be Legolas? We are the fellowship of Louis, no...ummm HBO. Yep, The fellowship of HBO!

Skav and Goat: "SHUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I just really wanted to go home...............

Back to Index | Original Post