They're Random, Baby!

I don't exactly know what happened.............
Posted By: skavenger_s7 Date: 5/31/03 5:36 a.m.

Yes, I know.... The wrong time of year to be camping in Yosemite but hey there is like nobody else around right?

So me and my buddy Steve (DNA), along with Vector (my brother Gerald) and some other friends took a few days off from work, and Halo, and went up to Gods country. We settled in just out of site of the lodge on a snow packed night. The stars were as bright as ever and we were just enjoying the quiet and solitude. Our first night was pretty much nothing but relaxing by the fire. I was gently nursing a small tin of jack and we were all talking about the last round of CTF we played before we left. We won 5 to 4. It was 4 VS 8. Ok we were outnumbered and they did suck, but as the night got longer and the jack grew thinner.... I tell you.... We were freaking heroes!!!!

The fire was just starting to die down and I was elected to get more wood. We had skavenged all the loose stuff nearby and so grabbing a small axe and my pistol and slipping it behind and under my jacket off I went. My flashlight was dim but I knew my way around here. Been coming here for years. I was having very little luck finding anything not buried in snow. I decided to find something old and cut it down, or at least a few almost dead branches would be good. I paused to look for something lying down... OK, something leaning would be nice.... Ummm all right an old ANYTHING. I rubbed my eyes and looked closer. All the trees looked the new... and the same!! Like they were cloned. What the hell? I walked up and touched one; it was smooth to the touch. But as close as I could get my nose, it looked like it had texture. While not taking my eyes from the tree, I opened my tin of jack and poured it out. I drew back my axe and gave a heart tightening swing at the tree. Nothing! Not a dent! I stepped back and cracked off a round from my pistol at it and raced up to inspect. Nothing again, not a scratch... Puzzled, I turned back in the direction I thought I had come from when the earth started to shake and the moonlit cliff walls were tossing rubble into the canyon. I could hardly hold me footing. As I looked up a roar came over the canyon walls and I saw a jet on fire come streaming down into the opposite end of the valley. I could feel the heat on my face as it went overhead, and I raced to where the flames were glowing through the trees. I was just close enough to see the wreckage but couldn't make out the plane. I mean it must have broken up because it sure was small. There were bodies all over the place. It didn't look like anyone survived. I was out of breath and sat to chew some snow and wait for others to arrive. Within minutes a group of rescuers cam on the scene. I stumbled out with my hands up and was shouting that I had seen everything. The men, seeing me, took cover, and assumed offensive positions. I don't mean they were flipping me the bird, or I could tell they were gay or anything, I mean they were pointing rifles at me. It must be like the National Guard out here or something I thought. "On the ground maggot" one yelled. They ran around me and were still pointing weapons at me and also outside into the distance. "Form a perimeter" one said. "Hey man, I was just going to tell you what I saw". I didn't recognize their uniforms entirely, and their weapons were almost familiar. A man ran up and saluted what I took to be the leader. "No sign of the chief sir" "keep looking, widen the search pattern until you find him or tracks leading away" one said. A big guy grabbed me and stood me upright. A man walked over and said, "I'm Stacker...how the hell did you get way out here?" "Ummm, well I came up the 5 and turned right" I said with a halfhearted smile. "Listen you dumbshit, this is a war zone and you should be lucky we found you first" A war zone, what the hell was he talking about. I opened my mouth to speak and a soldier screamed out "I have movement.... all around...closing in fast"... Some device he held was blinking red and a high-pitched beeping was beeping faster. Everyone scattered to cover and I wet myself on the spot. (Maybe I should have left that part out.) He shut the device off and all became quiet. I crept under a few boulders out of sight and held my breath. I could make out deformed shadows in the distance. Just glimpses really coming and going between the trees.

There were garbled low voices coming right at us. Nobody was moving.... not even a whisper from what I was hoping were my new friends. All at once a creature not unlike anything I had ever seen came closer to the burning wreckage. The light from the smoldering wreck shown on him as bright as could be. I closed my eyes and prayed to God. "Dear Lord...if I open my eyes and there is NOT a blue elite from that blasted video game standing right in front of me I swear... uh, I mean I promise... I will never mislead anyone again...in HBO. I will post a public apology for whatever I have done...please" I opened my eyes and he was looking right at me. He rose his gun..."Holy shit!" I yelled and the led started to fly. Out of the darkness came these soldiers and right behind them was covenant! I scrambled out from under the rock and headed down the side of the hill. As I was running down I saw what I knew to be another group of marines heading up to help their buddies out. Something caught my eye, and I stopped for a moment and stared down at them. "Huh, I never really noticed how obvious having a flashlight tied to the end of your rifle must look to the enemy" As they got to me one stopped. "I am cap...”..."Keyes" I interrupted... "I know... Hey your boys are getting their ass kicked up there so you go help them ...I'll go get more help." Keyes said, "no way son...this is it. There are no more" "what??? You’re kidding me,” I cried. I reached for my gun; it was gone. Keyes handed me a pistol and said... "I don't keep it loaded son...you'll have to find ammo as you go along" "What the F***??? That wasn't funny the first time I heard you say it...it's less funny now!!! What kind of an ass...." Keyes looked back at me along with 5 marines... "OK, sorry...just slipped out. Won't happen again" Keyes: "Lets go!" Up the hill we all ran. Back into the battle. I rounded a rock formation and took a plasma pistol shot right in the arm. "OUUUUCH!!! HOLY SHIT!!! OUUUUUWWWCH!" A medic came and slapped a white patch on my arm and it started to heal. "You’ll be fine son, that was a little scratch, watch out for the blue ones..." "Shut up you dumbass, this freaking hurts." Oh my god this hurts, I thought. I got up and came out from behind a tree just in time to see a yellow elite come sailing through the air and knock my punkass down.... I was out cold...

When I awoke I was in the middle of a makeshift camp, it was still dark. I saw a marine standing post, and mumbled, "Oh thank god, I am in the good guys' camp" My weary eyes started to get in focus, and there he was. I was wondering how long this dream would continue without the Master Chief showing up. He was walking around the camp with Keyes. They were discussing what the Covenant were doing here. I couldn't wait to tell them what I knew...I knew everything...well some stuff. I raced over to them and was so awestruck by the chief I could hardly speak. I told them I knew what was up with battle plan and Keyes said he would listen for 5 minutes unless I actually started to make sense. "OK...(I gathered my composure). There is this big ring, we might even be on it, I can't tell its too dark right now, and when you turn it on it destroys food...well us... it destroys us...unless we are on it, I don't think it kills us if we are actually on the ring because it might kill the ring too, and what would be the point. Anyways, there are these dudes called the flood, and halo kills their food so they die. But since we are their food, which is bad for us... See?" Keyes and the chief briefly looked at each other, then back at me...."And there are as many as 10 of these halo rings and at the least as few as 4 out here in our galaxy...We haven't really figured out that part yet. Wait what galaxy are we in? It could be more if this galaxy is bigger than mine. Shit! Am I babbling?" A simultaneous "YES" came from them both. As I started to get my thoughts straight, a covenant drop ship came in hard and fast, followed by another and another....

We were... ok "they" were heavily outnumbered and dropships closed in to get us. It started to circle and I found myself almost running looking up to see where the hell it was going to land. I must have run in a circle 4 times trying to change directions as it did. Finally as I got to the pick up point (man I was really missing the old NAV point about now) they were already leaving. "WAIT!!!" I screamed. The last drop ship took off. I was standing there in the dark with sounds that nightmares are made of closing in. I wet myself again. I turned slowly and raised the pistol in my shaking hands. "I am not going down like a punk!!" I told myself. A flicker of headlights came over the embankment first, then a hog running at max speed. I dove to my right and as it barely missed me a steel hand jerked me over the steering wheel and into the passenger’s seat almost snapping my neck. "Master Chief?"...He glanced over, "you looked like you could use some help, what were you doing?” I gave him a look of disbelief..."What do you mean? I was giving cover so our boys could get on the pelicans safely" Same as you would do right?" He nodded and we raced on........... We drove until daylight then stopped for a few. He wanted to make contact with Keyes, and I needed to stretch. We had stopped on a beach. The water was clear, and except for some small little green sea bugs, I couldn't see a fish anywhere. All at once I realized where I was...On the Silent Cartographer! Cool! "Hey!” I asked...."If this is an island how did we get here?" The chief looked at me and said “Secret tunnels"..."LOL"...I strolled up with my head down and said, "look here bub, I invented the secret tunnel routine, so drop it will you?" He took a plasma grenade and tossed it right at the cliff wall.... it went right through the wall...."A secret tunnel. Wait until the guys see this..." The Chief went off to get a better signal, and I wandered off around the bend. After walking for a few minutes I came around a cliff, and there it was. "THE" arch! I went to the side... the light side... and climbed up the face of the cliff to the right about 8 feet. I had a Blackstone rock in my hand and drew like an Indian pictogram. It showed a hog being blown over the arch. Then I scratched in "R.G.". Just then the Chief showed up. "Hey, what the hell are you doing"..."nothing", I said. I climbed down. "SO, what’s our next move?" He replied..."first you change your pants, those can't absorb anymore". I frowned, as I walked over to the hog............................"Like you have never been scared", I muttered.

I pulled out an extra uniform that was so big I looked like Beetle Bailey. The shirt could make me sail away in a strong wind, the pants could fit me in one leg, and the belt went around me twice! I was a real looker that's for sure. "So, how do I look?" I asked. The chief took a quick glance and said, “About as I expected" I hopped in and we drove off. As we came around the island we got to a big concrete structure. I started to tell the Chief how I once blew a hog over it with grenades, and filmed it, the called it hurricane halo. He was quiet.............. Like for a long time... I looked at him, “What?" He stopped the hog. "Why would you do that?” he asked. "I don't know,” I said. "It hadn't been done before I guess" "Are you an idiot????" the Chief asked. "Nobody has swum out into the ocean for a few days want to try that one? Or jumped off a waterfall just to see what was at the bottom????" the Chief shouted. And right as he started to go again, he stopped.................."By the way... where did you get enough grenades to accomplish this?" Trying to push the memory of dead marines out of my head I said, "Your right I am an idiot, can we please go now?" We drove off...I reasoned some good ways to put how I was feeling, and managed the courage to speak.... Then I tried to explain that I was really good at this stuff, and it was just a matter of time till I got the hang of things and became a real asset. He looked over at me and just stared.........stared like he was holding back every bad word he could think of. "Don't worry", I said..."I'll prove myself to you". We got to an extraction point at the top of the island, and a dropship took us away. They let us out at the end of a narrow canyon. I followed him down a ways until we emerged behind a rock and we were high above a canyon looking down at a base. He handed me a sniper rifle and told me to wait here, and cover him if I could. The Chief dove over the cliff and slid down firing his pistol. I rose up, zoomed in and started cracking off rounds like it was my job. The base was swarming with red shaded guys and they were dropping like flies! As I reloaded I saw my chance to close in. I slid down the cliff wall and raced to the base. Firing as I went, the valley floor was covered in gray smoke from all my vapor trails and his pistol fire. I reached the top of the ramp and met him there with a big kool-aid smile. "We really kicked their ass didn't we?” I yelled. The Chief looked at me and said, “You fired 37 times and didn’t hit a damn thing!"..."What?? Are you out of your mind!?!? I was clearing the field for you while you were popping off those little caps one at a time.... damn Chief...I was rolling those boys" Just then another red guy appeared up the ramp in front of me, I grabbed the rifle and swung the butt end like Hank Aaron at his head...He ducked, I missed...he smacked me in the head and I feel back into the bottom of the base...the Chief gave him a head shot and his body fell lifeless onto mine. I hit the ground with a THUD, and when the body fell on me I thought I broke 3 of my ribs when it landed. I could barely open my eyes and the Chief was looking over at me. "You OK?", he asked. "I hit my head pretty hard when I landed", I replied. The Chief rose up, put his gun on his shoulder and said, "Well that's the first thing you have hit all day"................."Go to hell Chief!!!' I groaned. As he walked away I heard him say, "You're proving yourself all right..." I didn't have the strength for a good comeback.

I wanted to go home....................................................

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