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Comments for 'A New Masada'



Berconius
8:24 pm | October 24, 2003
Thanks for the info, i am pushing to have it put on the T-shirts for my Science Olympiad team now. ^_^0
Walker
1:39 am | October 23, 2003
Eh, I should probably be starting it. Before you start crying, MasterGrunt, just know I'll try to finish it as fast as I can.

Semper Fi

-Walker
MasterGrunt
12:12 am | October 23, 2003
When is the next COTGB chapter coming out? Please tell me(begins to jump up and down like a five year old).
SOS.Odin
9:12 pm | October 21, 2003
great story man
all urs are pimp
and thx for readin my stuff man
Mainevent
8:45 pm | October 21, 2003
The elite commander looked on with subtle interest, he hadn't heard anything more than "we're making progress" from his infiltration team since they left. Suddenly, the earth started boiling, and it blew up. He turned to his prophet buddy, looked him cold in the eye, and said "Shit."
Walker
11:06 am | October 21, 2003
They might have had to, but they didn't. And we all know what happened...
Walker
1:01 am | October 21, 2003
That's the happiest ending I can imagine, under the circumstances. To go out with a bang. To deprive the enemy of the resource which is the very thing you have destroyed your own species to protect: Earth. To ruin the conquest of the Covenant. That's what humanity accomplished on its Final Day. If you want to see what its like on the other side of the whole event, you can read it in the companion story I'm writing when it comes out. Hope you enjoy.
Mainevent
12:23 am | October 21, 2003
We can still dream they had a happy ending....*goes comatose*
Mainevent
8:15 pm | October 20, 2003
Yea, I watched a history channel show on it. It was a nicely built fortress too. Rock slide traps the occupying jews could let loose, the combination of rock and wood walls. It's all good. But in the end they ran out of food, and had to give up...
Walker
11:31 am | October 20, 2003
Yeah, I know it was a stupid order. I've seen Enemy at the Gates, you know. Thanks for your comments.

Semper Fi

-Walker
hornet34
11:09 am | October 20, 2003
O.K. Walker, I love your stories so I'm going to crtitique the way it should be done. First off, this like all your stories was well-written and grammatically excellent. Nice job using so many cities spread around the globe. It really brought that sense of an entire world at war. n Good historical references with Masada and Stalin's order of "Not one step backward."

BUT, no one has done the extensive dissecting that you only usually get from Wado, something necessary to help all authors improve, so I'll try and fill in.

First, during dialouge the question was brought up, What are our options? Riley began saying "Surrender" but he should have known that that could never be an option because the Covenant's purpose of war is to annihilate humans. Therefore surrender should not be an option.

Also, what I said about the Stalin order; that might inspire loyalty but tacticully its suicide. It was suicide in 1941 when the German Wermarcht used speed to surround these settled stationary Russian positions and force surrender, it was suicide in 1944-1945 when Germany was being beaten back and tried the same thing, and I'm guessing in an even more mobile battle such as those that would take place in the 26th century it would be even more the foolish of strategies. Now that quote might have been purely for inspiration, but just something to watch for.

O.k, so not to bad, keep it up
Hawk7886
4:42 am | October 20, 2003
How the Hell did I miss this story?

"No, it doesn't," Admiral Cohen said shortly. "What are our options?"
"Surrend" Lieutenant Colonel Riley began.
"That is never an option," Admiral Cohen said solemnly.

Did you mean 'Flak'?

Also,

"Sir, permission to say, 'fuck you'."
"Permission granted."
"Sir, fuck you."

Cool :)

Like Alpha said, "ten-ten".
Ace
1:42 am | October 20, 2003
Well, everyone's used most of the compliments I could give you for that incredible fanfic, so I hope it'll suffice to say that I hope any of my fanfictions could possibly reach the level that yours are at. Very creepy, excellent storytelling and dialogue.
Ishkabibbl
1:41 am | October 20, 2003
When you think about it, the first Spartans weren't all to different in 1v1 combat, but it was really their team-work that helped them excell, and poor MC has nobody but puny marines to work with ;-)
Javier Fernandez-Vina
5:58 pm | October 19, 2003
I also saw a show on spartans. Did you know that spartan boys were trained scince the age of ten, that the babies who were though weak were left to die.And that a spartan boy who was told to steal by his master stold a animal and got caught. Instead of admitting it he let the animal eat his stomach because he did't want to reveal it(he hid it within his shirt). They were the best warriors but sadly when it came to peace they could not hold their empire together and most of greece turned againt them.
Javier Fernandez-Vina
5:58 pm | October 19, 2003
You really should get the history channel, you'll have field day.Every day.You'll love it.
You need to feed that fiery passion man.
Alpha Lance
5:51 pm | October 19, 2003
OOOOOO HEEEEEEELLLLLLL YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mainevent
5:40 pm | October 19, 2003
Can I get a hell yea for mah main man Walker?
Alpha Lance
5:02 pm | October 19, 2003
Man that was just amazing Walker, ten-ten.

I can't believe you don't have the History Channel. That's my favorite channel to watch, it got a lot of shows I like to watch, like Mailcall, Modern Marvels, a lot of great line up. Knowledge has never been so sweet.
Jinkaiden-XI
5:00 pm | October 19, 2003
In order to avoid long explanantions, I'll stick to the easiest part of this comment:

That story right there was beyond excellent. One of my favorite parts was when the officer asked for permission to cuss at his superior and he granted it...I nearly died laughing, and I'm not sure why.

I think if you tried, this single story could spawn an unbelievable series, but that is up to you.
Walker
4:28 pm | October 19, 2003
Questions, questions, never-ending questions...

Semper Fidelis: "Always Faithful", motto of the Marine Corps, commonly said as simply "Semper Fi".

No, Dispraiser, Riley was meant to say both those sentences. He said what he knew, then jumped to a conclusion.

Unfortunately, I have no History Channel. Only a fiery passion for history. I use any material I can get my hands on, pretty much. For example, I watched a show about hoplites, and wouldn't you know that the Spartan warrior culture was a celebrated bisexual one? Many soldiers often had "friends", who were fellow soldiers and on those long and dusty roads very "friendly" fellows. They had wives, who had babies nonstop. They also had many mistresses, and wives were often shared between fellow soldiers with an aim to produce more Spartans. Lysander, probably the most famous Spartan general, was a half-breed Spartan who had to fight for a spot at the military academy, the Agoge, at age six, a spot usually reserved for full-breed Spartan boys. At the Agoge, Spartan boys were introduced to a trainer at age fourteen who also served as a sexual partner, priest and parent. A little to much information for you? Well, that's Sparta...


I think I'll make a second story to supplement this one... not a sequel, really, but a companion story. What do you think? Actually, you can tell me when it comes out.

Semper Fi

-Walker
Dispraiser
4:03 pm | October 19, 2003
Always Faithful. He was asked the same thing in one of my fanfics. It is the motto of the Marines.
Berconius
3:45 pm | October 19, 2003
God job, Walker! one question, what exactly does Semper Fi mean?
Dispraiser
1:01 pm | October 19, 2003
Anyone who wants to can use flackfic. I did find on e little error though, I think. When they are referring to that mountain he says "when they came up they were all dead. Are you suggesting we all slit our throats?" I think that was meant to be two seperate people, but instead got dropped on one. That's all I could find...
Javier Fernandez-Vina
12:47 pm | October 19, 2003
Walker, you seem to know alot about history.Do yous study military history or something of the like.Or do you just watch the history channel a lot(like me).I just see endless references to history in your fics and comments even.
Ishkabibbl
12:14 pm | October 19, 2003
Sniff, well now my fanfic's got a title...just not a positive one.
Sergeant B
11:45 am | October 19, 2003
Good man! I love it. Actually, I love all your stories.....................
Walker
11:20 am | October 19, 2003
Heh heh... thanks, Dispraiser. Glad you enjoyed it. Your stories are equally great. If you use "flackfic" enough in a few months the greatest compliment on HBO will be "This ain't no flackfic". Can I use the word? I'll credit you. Anyways, hope you read more of my stuff, and hope you come out with more Derailed. Like I said, it's one of the top ten series in the history of HBO.

Semper Fi

-Walker
Dispraiser
4:41 am | October 19, 2003
Also, sorry if that is a little incoherent, but it is 2 AM, and I am very, very tired...
Dispraiser
4:35 am | October 19, 2003
You've reviewed enough of my fanfics that you deserve me to read yours... This one was awesome. My fanfics have generally suffered form a lack of creative dialogue, but the little fuck you segment towards the end of this one showcased perfectly what someone can do with good dialogue. I've never been good at giving any constructive comments once the writers get past grammar and spelling, so... Good job!

I wish every writer on HBO was up to the standards you and Wado set for a fanfic, then there wouldn't be so much "flackfic". That's my new word... I just decided that.

flah-k-fik: Noun (?)
Any fanfic that degrades other fanfic's reputation or worth by lowering the bar greatly or by presenting an already stated, or otherwise worthless plot.


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