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Comments for 'The Rise of Humanity: Chapter One' |
Sarge
11:27 am | August 19, 2003
I have a question for everyone... why do we only use Marines where's the Army and Navy and all the other armed forces besides North America...
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Mike
2:44 am | August 19, 2003
Oh and a couple writing techniques,
1) don't use parenthesis, it just never fits
2) don't use the word 'way' describe how it was better but, dont say it was 'way' better
3) one of the things that i try to do is avoid numbers. don't say there were 32 regiments of marines, or 80,000 covenant ships destroyed because then it becomes just really crazy. i'd never believe that anyone lost 2900 ships in one engagement, or that the remaining 500 fled.
nice start, not bad at all
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Mike
2:42 am | August 19, 2003
No one seems to realize that Master Chief is a rank not a name. and we use marines, because well it makes sense, the navy is now in space, and the marines are with the navy as expeditionary forces.
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bloodsoldier4
2:13 am | August 19, 2003
it wuz good i also thought of sum stuff...but who cares
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The Master of Disaster
2:11 am | August 19, 2003
Oh, and thanks for all your comments people..i really appreciate it!
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The Master of Disaster
2:11 am | August 19, 2003
isn't Master Chief Navy?
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Crazy Dan
7:51 pm | August 18, 2003
This story is pretty good. Well, as the others said, why not keep some things about the Forerunner more secret then unreveal them to make it more interesting?
Also, one thing I notice, you made a mistake: "We've contacted them, and they identify themselves as the Covenant. They've had a long history with the Covenant."
Well, you should had mean "they identify themselves as the Forerunners"?
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DUDE
7:08 pm | August 18, 2003
Pretty good. Be sure not to overkill on how much better the Forerunner are.
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Shadowrunner
12:48 pm | August 18, 2003
This is good. It really is. And not just half-good-that-i-am-telling-you-cuz-i-want-to-cheer-you-up good... Can't wait 'till next chapter :p
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The Master of Disaster (Kaboose)
11:09 am | August 18, 2003
Note: If you thought, 'What the hell is this? It looks like it came out of a deceased baboon's ass!' Well...then tell me in the Comments section. This is my first ever Fan Fiction, so please give some constructive criticism. Not only 'This Sucks!' etc.
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