halo.bungie.org

They're Random, Baby!

Fan Fiction


Comments for 'THE LAST WARRIOR: Part 1'



Jessica
6:21 am | July 16, 2004
Um, even if that Gal dude isnt part of Team Halo, this is like the first time i've seen somebody come into HBO with that name...so why would somebody try and impersonate a new writer like yourselves? They'd more or less try and impersonate Helljumper, Wiley, or Wado...or some kind of legendary writer on HBO...but not some newbie...And yea, russ has it right...don't blame your story on somebody else...it's like saying to your teacher after you failed a test, "This wasn't me that wrote it! It was somebody that looked like me!"

Jess
dave
2:40 am | July 16, 2004
the only thing i didnt like was the "movie style," if you will. you two also made the covies seem a little to human.


- dave
The NEW Zak
2:11 am | July 16, 2004
I'm the youngest: just turned 12 and still going.(LOL)
Wiley
12:18 am | July 16, 2004
Oh, and I get my learners .....yesterday! w00t! im officialy a n00b at driving!
Wiley
12:16 am | July 16, 2004
Nick Kang
11:39 AM | July 14, 2004
Yeah, 343SB! I loved getting my drivers license! Oh...wait...I don't have a driver's license...I'm only 12 :(


You're only 12? I thought you were at least 14.....
I guess you learn something new each day....
!@#$
10:57 pm | July 15, 2004
The people who wrote this story is part of your "Team Halo". Just because this story didnt turn out too well it doesnt mean you should kick them out and blame everything on them. Isnt Gallagher part of your "Team Halo"? You should help him not saying insults to him.
russ687
9:09 pm | July 15, 2004
Not cool, Team Halo.

Your name is on this peice of art, so you need to take the fall (or success) for writing it. It really eats me up when people don't take accountability for their actions.

Suck it up and do not blame anyone else, or you will be hated by at least one person. Don't sound like your ten years old.
Team Halo
6:48 pm | July 15, 2004
plus this was going to be a rip-off of "The Last Samuari".


so becuz of opening things, we canned the project
Team Halo
6:43 pm | July 15, 2004
well we got rid of this story sence all of the ppl who wrote this crap story are now "gone" so expect a little better stories.


Plus, we didn't write this. the author who sucks ass"or Gallagher" wrote this, so make fun of him. he writes some bad shit
Red Ghost
5:31 pm | July 15, 2004
Ummm...is this story kind of a parallel to the war in Iraq? I mean, the last paragraph almost says that with the whole politics ignoring people that are dying thing. Also, you guys need to explain more what is going on. You had a lot of twists in the plot but you didn't execute them properly to not confuse the reader. Also, I would suggest having a brief history of what has happened leading up to your story. Example- the MC rebelling, why there is Covenant/ Human relations now. Yeah, man a lot of people here ARE young. Any of you older people remember the cartoon "Biker Mice from Mars"? Yeah! Rock on!!
MC's Cousin
4:03 pm | July 15, 2004
Finally some backing, thanks Hawk.

You know "Team Halo"-*MCC scratches his head thinking: what kind of a name for a group of n00bs is that?*-coming in here telling us not to be too hard on you is like goign to the Olimpics and saying: "Hey, I'm new at this, this is my first time, so can you guys go easy on the judging?"
Sounds stupid doesn't it? Well...

Hey, critics do this type of thing to every writer. Heck, if one of the so called "super writers" writes crap, don't think I won't tell them.

Signing Off


MCC
russ687
3:41 pm | July 15, 2004
lol Nick, I would if I had cable.

Maybe I'll just blow something up instead...
CoLd BlooDed
11:40 am | July 15, 2004
LOL Nick, you think Jilly is only 11 years old? Try 16. :P

Say, how old are you, russ?
Hawk7886
7:30 am | July 15, 2004
First of all, calling the critics here 'assholes' is not a good way to be loved. Secondly, MCC is right to every point.

The Fan-Fiction submission form gives plenty of advice on the code. Your own education of the Enlglish language should pick it up from there.

You don't have to be a 'super writer' to know basic English.

In closing: Stop being a dick, listen to the advice, spellcheck, and have fun.
OpeningAct
6:09 am | July 15, 2004
I'm only 12 too, but I think we've discussed this over at HFS
CoLd BlooDed
4:57 am | July 15, 2004
You know... chillin' with friends is a good thing, too.
Nick Kang
1:01 am | July 15, 2004
A long time ago I said I thought I was the youngest on the site and someone said so and so was 11, I thought it was Jillybean, but I'm not sure.
And russ, make sure you go watch MTV and listen to rock music and do all the stuff that I normally do.

NK
russ687
12:43 am | July 15, 2004
I dunno if I want to post that all over HBO; I'll tell you what, its higher then 15, but less then ninteen, and it contains the most common found number in Halo.
Team Halo
12:41 am | July 15, 2004
Thank you for your comments. We need ppl like you to help us
russ687
9:23 pm | July 14, 2004
Make sure you refuse to eat your vegetables, watch Veggie Tale's, and Sponge Bob. I remember the good old cartoons; Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers, Goof Troop, that one show with the bears and they flew that plane (Baloo was his name, but I don't remember the title of the show)...
Nick Kang
9:16 pm | July 14, 2004
I believe I am the youngest person that comes on regularly. I think Jillybean might be 11 though...

But I still blow shit up and stuff like that. Why just a few days ago me and my friend were enjoying leaving action figures in the middle of the road and watching them get mutilated.

NK
russ687
8:47 pm | July 14, 2004
Nick Kang is only 12 YEARS OLD?!? Why am I even here? Dude, when I was your age I was climbing trees and blowing shit up, not writing (okay, I was writing, but not like that). Now I shall ponder who else is also very young....
Dave Luck
6:25 pm | July 14, 2004
I've got an idea for you.

"Why don't you read the guidelines?"

- Dave.
CoLd BlooDed
5:49 pm | July 14, 2004
It was okay. Better than most of the stuff out here. I agree with MCC, though, listen to OpeningAct and Vengeance. You gotta use the code...

Also, you've got to start a new paragraph every time someone speaks.

Example:

"With all due respect, sir, this war already has enough dead heroes." said Cortana, her hands placed on her hips.
"It's okay, Cortana, just get ready for the after party at McDonalds."

Just something like that. If you guys work together better, you might come up with something that everyone will like. Also, put your stuff through a spellchecker before submitting. Good luck though, guys.
Team Halo
5:47 pm | July 14, 2004
First of all, We stopped whining, you asshole. Second, like we said, "We're noobs at fanfics" so don't judge us so bad. So stop think we're superwriters like agent_shade and helljumper
MC's Cousin
4:42 pm | July 14, 2004
Here's a tip: don't ever post here and ask not to be judged. If you post here you are subjecting yourself to the readers' scrutiny.
Let's see, I managed to read that in all of...oh I'd say, ten seconds. One, you didn't impliment the code. ALWAYS, impliment the code. I don't care if ten of you wrote it on your pants, use the code.
As for other comments, I will only go to say that OpeningAct and Vengeance would be worth listening to. You have your drivers license? Well then start acting more...something. Quit whining that your more than one writer, were not all good writers here, and blah blah blah; suck it up, listen to our advice, and make yourselves get better.

Signing Off


MCC
The Collector
3:48 pm | July 14, 2004
Hmmm...
Team Halo
3:16 pm | July 14, 2004
well, at least all of Team Halo gots one
Team Halo
3:16 pm | July 14, 2004
thnx nick.

oh, and 343beans, we all got a driver license
Nick Kang
2:24 pm | July 14, 2004
Oh, forgot to comment on the story. It was okay, but it could have been better :)

NK
Nick Kang
10:39 am | July 14, 2004
Yeah, 343SB! I loved getting my drivers license! Oh...wait...I don't have a driver's license...I'm only 12 :(

NK
Team Halo
3:54 am | July 14, 2004
we're like noobs at fanfics, except for Gallagher, but he sucks

but anyways, like we said, "We ain't superwriters" like Jessica and the rest of the ppl in this comment page
Jessica
1:28 am | July 14, 2004
Not really...i'm writing a Fan Fic with somebody else, and people on HBO seem to like it...

Jess
343 Salty Beans
1:08 am | July 14, 2004
Read comments below. I'll be busy eating my chili cheese fries and enjoying my BRAND NEW DRIVER'S LICENSE! w00000t!

343SB

PS: Did I mention read the comments below?
Anonymous
8:47 pm | July 13, 2004
1. Grunts, Elites, and all the other Covenant races are capitalized.
2. Use the code. Use [Indent] at the begaining of a paragraph to indent. Put an [i] in front of something to italicize something like a ship name, then use a [/i] at the end to finish it. U can also make something bold faced the same way you italicize somnething, only put a B in and not an I.
3.Take your time on your writing, type it up in Word and reread your work several times to make sure that it's good.
Vengeance
8:47 pm | July 13, 2004
1. Grunts, Elites, and all the other Covenant races are capitalized.
2. Use the code. Use [Indent] at the begaining of a paragraph to indent. Put an [i] in front of something to italicize something like a ship name, then use a [/i] at the end to finish it. U can also make something bold faced the same way you italicize somnething, only put a B in and not an I.
3.Take your time on your writing, type it up in Word and reread your work several times to make sure that it's good.
Team Halo
8:31 pm | July 13, 2004
thnx for the criqtue OpeningAct. we need that kind of help
OpeningAct
7:23 pm | July 13, 2004
I don't think you can use that as an excuse. Really with two people it should be quite good, so all you need to do is slow down, concentrate, work hard on the next part and youu'll do fine.
Good Luck :)
Team Halo
7:14 pm | July 13, 2004
Well like we said
its hard with two ppl writing a story
russ687
5:33 pm | July 13, 2004
I don't know...not something I would invest in if I were a publisher.
looks like rain...
2:00 pm | July 13, 2004
hOnEsTlY tHaT KiNdA StANk.


WHeRes mY umBrElLa?


bungie.org
brr!