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Comments for 'The Center of Death' |
Helljumper
3:29 pm | April 27, 2004
Hey i got a shout out, i feel so special... sorry i lose my stone cold killer persona. Yea!
ODST
first to rise
last to fall
Helljumpers just kill stuff
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Helljumper
11:45 am | April 27, 2004
I couldn't read it because u kept useing As _____, as _____, it gets annoying
ODST
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CoLd BlooDed
1:39 am | April 27, 2004
Thanks for the mention, Nick! :)
Yeah, the story needs work, but since it's your first time I won't criticize you much either. Listen to what the others said and you should be fine.
Oh, and before I forget, don't go around using Nick Kang's name and callin' people faggots, and since we know it was you... don't do it anymore, not cool.
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Nick Kang
12:36 am | April 27, 2004
I know this 'shawn', so I get to rub stuff in his face. YAY!!!!
1. Okay, let's start by saying: you play it on Easy WAAAAAY too much. Five Marines against 2 Hunters...boom. One big blood-cake.
2. Covie dropships don't have cockpit windows...so how could Sarge shoot it out?
3. Need a lot more detail in there.
4. Not enough action...you need a certain amount of skill to make a story good without much action...something this story doesn't demonstrate very well.
Now I know this is your first fanfic, so I won't come down on you full force. For good examples of stories...read stuff by CoLd BlooDed, Helljumper, or any of the other great authors of the site.
NK
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Nick Kang
12:09 am | April 27, 2004
It was okay...I little choppy, and E14's name is Foehammer, not Full Hammer. Warthog is capitalized.
NK
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Nick Kang
12:07 am | April 27, 2004
Oh yeah Shawn... I quote:
"I am so much better at writing than you, Ben!"
NK
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The author
12:03 am | April 27, 2004
sry the story is so confusing. but this is just my first one. hofully they will get better as i write more. feel free to write some ideas to help me with other storys.
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