They're Random, Baby!

Fan Fiction

Comments for 'A Marine's Tale: Vengeance is Mine'

Alpha Lance
8:40 pm | September 1, 2003
Man that was long. My eyes started to bleed, lol. But it was a good story. And the writtting formation was real good. Keep it up.

And also look at my signiture.
Alpha Lance: creator of Halo Trilogy
7:55 am | September 1, 2003
There was a rediculous amount of typos in this story, you really should proofread your work before you send it in. It seemed like you rushed the Cryo-Longsword-crash part, like you were bored or eager and just wanted to get it out there. Which is perfectly understandable. The story has enormous potential, I hope to see an excellent piece of work come from this series.

6:11 pm | August 30, 2003
I agree. As always, all the typical Ryan and Dunbar moments were fantastic, but alot of things needed more description.

1:06 pm | August 30, 2003
i thought i'd be really excited about reading the next part in this series, but there was just something missing that took a lot of the fun out of it... i don't know.

what i do know, however, is that you need to elaborate. the whole thing with the baby could have been extended a lot more than the few lines you alotted to it. also you didn't give much description to what it looked like when Dunbar and Bynam were walking around, so we had to imagine a lot for ourselves. it would have been better if you put things in like "...a shadow moved out of the corner of Bynam's eye. In an instant the pistol Dunbar had given him was in his hand, his finger tight around the trigger..."

overall it was pretty good. 9.2/10. but i know you can do better.

That's pretty much it, except for you made the Longsword seem like a full-sized ship (maybe it really is big, i don't know) and you were carrying a lot of weaponry for someone whose got out of cryo-sleep just two seconds ago. it usually takes awhile to get back your sense of balance.

well, that's it. keep 'em coming, i enjoy this series a lot.

Semper Fi