Comments for 'Shipmaster [Part 1]'
9:30 pm | June 22, 2004
thanks guys, im away from home right now but i will be back in a week
2:49 pm | June 20, 2004
Very well written. No action, but I'm sure that will change in the coming chapters.
1:21 pm | June 20, 2004
I think it's out of place for me to say welcome since I wasn't around last time you were here(I think). So I'll just say great story.
11:38 am | June 20, 2004
'bout time we saw some of you again Nosolee, and another brilliant creation. I can't wait to continue to read more amigo
10:03 pm | June 19, 2004
Welcome back, 'Nosolee, and thank you for this amazing piece of work.
I liked how you made 'Krrana ask that question, it was interesting. Unfortunately, that's the only word I can think of right now, but I loved the dialogue between the two Elites; I can picture this particular chapter as a movie. That's a good thing.
Anyways, I think that 'Laikosee should've addressed 'Krrana as "Excellency," that's what I did in my Forced Betrayal series, and that is also what they did in the books.
|343 Salty Beans
11:58 am | June 19, 2004
I personally enjoyed it alot.
I did notice a few grammatical errors, and the same Covenant/human mistakes that MCC pointed out. And the thing with Kranna/Dranna.
I especially liked the part where 'Kranna told Laikosee (or whatever the hell his name is) to rely on instinct rather than technology. It reminded me of MC and the Spartans, and how similar and yet so different the Spartans and Elites are.
10:33 pm | June 18, 2004
Oh and, its good to see Vets like you writing again, truly warms my heart.
10:30 pm | June 18, 2004
Niicce story man, I'll surely read the next stories once they are in.
8:02 pm | June 18, 2004
Good job. Though I think that some of your terms (like "sir" in Elite speak, I would think more towards "Master" or something, they just didn't sound fully 'Elite like'; "High Command" is with Humans, the High Charity is Covenant, you can check those out in the Epilogue of First Strike) made the Elites and the atmosphere not sound as Covenant and Elite as it could have. During the first part of the first paragraph I almost thought we were talking about a Human setting!
But overall, it was written very well. I enjoyed it, and will try to read the next one(s).
1:08 pm | June 18, 2004
The Fall of Fate series! I completely remember those! I saved them to Word because they were so good.
This was a particularily excellent story that you have written, with only a few, easily looked-over errors. Good job!
12:54 pm | June 18, 2004
Damn you! You wrote īKrrana as Drrana once! Grr...
Naw just kidding. This was an excellent story. Good job, keep it up.
11:58 am | June 18, 2004