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Comments for 'Hit Hard Ch. 3: --Siege--' |
Dispraiser
5:01 am | February 19, 2004
Why write "the author" as your name? Nothing bad, granted, but I have only seen one or twother people do it You should use your online name, if anything...
Anyways, the story. Actually, for the first time in recent HBO history, the grammar ISN'T the problem. However, there is a difference between romanticism and realism that dooms your story... A romantic hero is James Bond. A realistic hero is... Well, honestly I can't think of one that is an action style person. BUt a realistic hero faces the consequences and difficulties of their problems. A romantic one is just a rah rah rah type slaughterfest.
Example: In Die Hard the main character slaughters doens of people, some in front of his kid (was that Die hard 2 or 3 or something?). This is all a romantic notion, that he is an action hero. In a realistic story, his son would face the consequences of the trauma. The "happy" ending is generally jsut the least sad in msot cases. I can't really explain this too well at 2 in the morning with jet lag. But, if you really want an indepth explanation and believe I can help, feel free to email me at Justing1 at ameritech dot net. Typed that out to make it botproof, sorry for any troubles.
Nice that you kicked grammar's ass though...
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The Author
9:09 pm | February 18, 2004
Yeah my mom is working on getting her Masters Degree over the computer so I haven't had much time to be on the computer lately.
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MC's Cousin
3:13 pm | February 18, 2004
I'll go with IAmDelta's opinion to back up what I mean. No real plot or anything behind your story. That's what made taking the city seam like shooing bird away, or stepping on big ants (big fire ants).
Signing Off
MCC
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IAmDelta
4:11 am | February 18, 2004
That was way too easy... The action was good, but a story is about plot too, and you can't have plot if its that short. If you don't agree, forget it, but it seems to me that the story would be better if it was DIFFICULT for the humans to retake the city.
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The Author
2:06 am | February 18, 2004
They had just captured it. Besides they probably weren't expecting a few Scorpions to come along.
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MC's Cousin
2:50 pm | February 17, 2004
Pretty good. Although it seemed as if the city was underfortified for a city having been taken over by the Covenant, or mabye you were keeping it short.
Signing Off
MCC
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