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Comments for 'The Enemy Within-Chapter Eleven: Ill Conceived Actions'

1:08 am | July 15, 2004
What the poo do roller coasters have to do with my story?
...Well, actually, now that I think of it...maybe that neat little pull before the drop is like what's pulling the reader along before the climax or mini-climax. And I suppose that if you have holes in your coaster that could cause problems...but maybe I'm just crazy about all this.

1:08 am | June 24, 2004
I hate wooden ones...they feel like that theyre goanna shake themselves apart. Along with my head. Except for the Hurler...It shakes like hell, but who cares...its fast. And fun. And did I mention fast?
9:12 pm | June 23, 2004
I love roller coasters. Cept woodens. Metal=Cool.

1:21 pm | June 23, 2004
Was there any good rides, Cold?
CoLd BlooDed
11:33 am | June 23, 2004
Ugh... I feel sick right now, this is the second to last day before I get out of school and we went to an amusement park for the entire day.

Anyways, the story was spectacular. I continue to love the way you make connections and descriptions on everything that's happening. Keep it up, MAP.
7:59 pm | June 22, 2004
Actually my best friend is always poking fun at me about how oneday my books will fall apart and I'll be surprised.
In reality, the covers show every place they've been, with dents and scars. The pages are smudged here and there, with a few stains. And yes, the page glue is starting to fail. I have to be careful when I flip through the more sensitive spots.

343 Salty Beans
6:18 pm | June 22, 2004
I didn't really read it all the way through, because I'm really, really, lazy. But I enjoyed the material and detail within. You must read the books alot (are the covers falling off yet?). The "EB Green" inclusion was great. I really like it when people follow the books.

MC's Cousin
4:30 pm | June 22, 2004
Well, I think it was a little better than the last one, but not the best out of the whole series.
I see your incorporating a more emotional aspect to the soldiers. And it will be interesting to see if Kyle will find out about where that stuff came from.
You are making those Marines a little more tough than I remember them, but your working with a limited character cast. Still...

I agree with russ687 that a higher goal or plot bit could be added. To make it more interesting to follow. Hmm...

Signing Off

3:56 pm | June 22, 2004
Actually, this whole series is kinda a linking piece for two more I plan to construct with a friend in the future.
For the story in this one...survival is the main theme. In the current setting, there isn't much else to strive for. In the future, I will tie in more in depth plot stuff though. I love that more than anything in a story myself.

Black Titan
1:26 pm | June 22, 2004
That was awesome. the series is grat. can't wait to see what happens next.
4:19 am | June 22, 2004
This is good stuff, but make sure that you give a little more storyline to it. What I've seen so far is them trying to survive (which is fine) but there needs to be a higher goal for your characters, and it needs to be put into the story. All in all, an excellent job.
1:55 am | June 22, 2004

I liked the last two alot better than the first nine, not that they sucked or anything but I think that you have finally gotten every readers full attention

12:07 am | June 22, 2004

12:39 pm | June 21, 2004
good story, did you know that there is a very anti liberal book with the name "the enemy within"