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Fan Fiction

Comments for 'The Enemy Within-Chapter Eight: The Torrent Awaits'

4:26 pm | July 19, 2004
Once again you have failed to make me sick. Watch the spelling errors though. Nice content.

Dammit Jenkins fire your weapon!!!
10:39 pm | June 21, 2004
I LOVE these stories! They are a lot better than mine/all the others. I haven't posted mine yet, but it's coming. The only part I don't understand is I get confused between the two battles and squads, if there are two? i don't know. But I like the action.
1:21 pm | May 5, 2004
Burny: By the way, why not 11/10 or 20/10 or 100/10, wow, that would have to be a really great story.
This next one I'm working up should be good, and show you all a few surprises in the characters' personalities. Maybe...

1:46 am | May 1, 2004
Wow! Thanks a lot guys. Phew, more insperation to write!

By the way-here's my Marine quote of the day!
"See? They're not so tough. In fact, I thought some of them were wearing skirts!"

10:26 pm | April 30, 2004
I thought you did a really good job of writing these stories. I don't completely understand everthing, but maybe that's just my simple mind. You could elaborate a little more on some things and a little less on others, but other than that I thought it was really good.

Marine Quote of the Day:
"Come back to class so I can School you again!"

MC's Cousin
12:48 pm | April 30, 2004
I will say that your more current chapters have been most impressive. You seem to have writing style that agrees with many people.
It has good flow, which, as has been posted on your other stories, makes it easier to read along. As one commenter once said, it is like the story draws you in and takes you somewhere, not making you have to push though and run along side it. I think you may have good potential here.
This story is a little lacking, though. It seemed that you were not having a moment of "motivation" there. But, hopefully this will not be a regular occurance.
Cliffhangars, you seem to like them. Just about all of your stories, I have noticed, have a cliff ending, not setting a definitive end, to lead readers to the next story. This is good, but readers will loose interest if you do not get the next chapter out in due time.

Signing Off

11:35 am | April 30, 2004
Pretty good. You can feel the momentum and excitement.
10:55 am | April 30, 2004
Omfg, mate, I seriously frickin love this story. It doesn't matter if it's short. As long as it coems out and it's up to your quality, it will be an awesome story.

4:01 pm | April 29, 2004
This story has it's absolutely incredible moments like when the flood are attacking the Covenant force's, it almost strikes fear into anyone who reads it, they will fear the Flood when and if they come into combat with them -Die quickly! but PAINFULLY!-
12:45 pm | April 29, 2004
I must first say, yes, I know it is short.
This piece was more to connect a few things together, and so anyone interested in my series will have SOMETING to look at until I have the time to write the next chapter.

I know this is a little choppy, and short. But, I will endevor to make the next meet the expectations I have brought about from my other chapters.