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Comments for 'The Enemy Within-Chapter Six: ...And The Cracked Flood Gates Finally Fell'

4:19 pm | May 15, 2004
Your ideas are cool and you're keeping that eery(who the hell's shootin who) atmosphere. Criticising is a hard job when your working with good material.

Dammit Jenkins Fire Your Weapon!!!

P.S.-I found out that a tentacle for an arm ROCKS!!!!!
7:30 pm | April 10, 2004
To Anonymous (yes I know that is there just because they didn't enter a real name): sorry if I anoyed you by asking those types of questions. I guess I knew that my detail and writing style was good, but I'm a naturaly curious fellow. I like to know exactly what about my stories make them good [in detail and writing style].

When I write the first part of this story, I was in a strange mood, so I ended up writing it like I did. With a poo load of detail and stuff. At the time, I though it would just sound and feel just plain weird. Guess I was wrong, it actually worked out.

3:11 pm | March 26, 2004
Someone really came back to this like three weeks later...maybe not that long ago, but still.
Well, don't worry, I'll get chap. 7 out sooner or later. After I finish building my new PC, i'll be back to the every post, post thing. Hopefully.
Well, guess it's time to get back to that school work...

12:42 pm | March 23, 2004
I'm 12 but unlike you guys I don't have writing talent (sob) but who the hell cares I'm a reader not a writer.
12:29 pm | March 23, 2004
How could you ask questions about your descriptions? Your story was very detailed and you want to know how the descriptions were good? Uh you hade stuff like saying the elites muscles were tense and saying purple hued shields instead of the shields and Shades kept their trio of energy focusing prongs hovering instead of just saying the shades kept facing the open space and etc. You want critism so I'll give you critism. You spelled quickly quicky and drop ships should be spelled dropships but who the hell knows that and warriors should be worrior's and blood splattered should be blood-splattered and so on. You just had little mistakes which can be easily fixed if you use word check on ms word.
12:29 pm | March 23, 2004
Oh yeah I forgot. Use semi-colons, semi colon and semi-colon are correct spelling.
6:00 pm | March 11, 2004
To IAmDelta: Thanks, I'm glad to know I have a lot of potential. But...just because I'm curious and liek to ask this sort of thing about my writing; how were the descriptions and combat good? Just wondering.
And about the character, I know I have to do that, but the developement I have right now is in the previous stories. This was one to keep the series up and running. I'll try to add more of an emotional aspect to the combat to up the fealing for the human characters. Note I said human. In this story at least I'm trying to make you feel more towards the humans, a little on the covies, but mostly on the humans. Traped and alone, wanting to get home, you know.
As for the getting excited, yes I know what you mean, as I was reading through H:FS I got excited like all the way through. I couldn't pu the book down for fear I wouldn't find out what happened, or the MC would go on without me. You know? Of course you do. I'm trying to do that, but it takes time and developement skills. And since I'm a newb, I don't get a lot of readers yet. But, I'll try my best.
Oh, and just you wait. As for incorperating thing into my stories, you will see. I'm planning on having connections with some of my future series to other stories. A little inter connecting in there if you know what I mean. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself.

I hope you guys get to read this, but you prob. wont be back to this comments page. I thank you all for your continued support!!

MC's Cousin
2:41 pm | March 11, 2004
Drat, I'm late. Well anyway, I suppose I'll continue the prevailing subject. You guys write for fun? Great, it is a great hobby. Keep aspiring to write. But CoLd, share your writing with a friend, or family even, just practice more and more, not just here. Sure this can be a good environment, but do it elsewhere too, just a tip. This applies to all great FF writers.

Signing Off

CoLd BlooDed
3:44 pm | March 10, 2004
Phew... your older.

Ok, I'm 13, I write for fun too, I think I have talent (I'm pretty sure of it) and will continue writing until I grow old. It's one of my favourite hobbies and I enjoy it alot, but the only way for me to share my writing with others is over HBO, so that's why I write about Halo. :D

I still love it though, it's fun. :P
2:37 pm | March 10, 2004
Thx guys, I'll try to work on all that stuff for you. It kinda makes me feel good to know that I'm good enough not to need a lot of correction.

To CoLd: I would have named the Hunters correctly, but right now my friend has the book. I didn't think it was that important at the time (big mistake) but I suppose it turned out alright.

To CoLd again: Well, I've been writing since I was about nine years old. Random stories about whatever popped into my MIND and AFFECTED me. My parents and friends, young and old, always told me I had talent in writing. So I kept with it. Now I'm trying to work on my own story as big as the Halo story, just for the fun of it. The ones I have posted are obviously about Halo. Just the powerfulness of Halo makes it easy for me to write well. It gives me insperation, and makes me want to specualate about it all. To end this post, I'm 15, and still going (sixteen soon). I wish I would have started writing here sooner, but I hadn't found it yet. I hope I can keep thinking up the goodness for you guys.

I write like this for fun. It's exciting for me to do. Almost as fun as playing video games, almost.

CoLd BlooDed
12:11 pm | March 10, 2004
I meant younger... ;)
CoLd BlooDed
12:06 pm | March 10, 2004
I agree with you completely. Wu should really tighten up on letting those terribly written stories through. :P

Say MAP, how old are you anyways?

(Please not older, please not older...)
CoLd BlooDed
12:00 pm | March 9, 2004
Good, I liked it, no critisizm at all.

Nah, just joking, I'll say a couple of small things.

For Elite names, make it so it goes: ie. Polo 'Ralamee. Put an apostrophie before the name so it's easily recognized as an Elite, it helped in my FB series, kinda.

Hunter names too, they have three conjoined names, if you've read "The Flood" you'll know what I'm talking about.

And I saw some careless spelling errors in there as well, like the last word of the chapter, overall, I loved it, keep it up.
4:36 am | March 9, 2004
VERY good. We (myself included) don't give you nearly enough credit. This is a story after my own heart. The description was good (that is to say detailed but not so much as to make it boring or slow up the story). Combat was well written (you didn't get ahead of yourself like most people do).

Um...since you asked for criticism I'm trying to give you some. Well, there were a few mispelled words, for what its worth, but I see Cold already mentioned that. Perhaps if I had read some of the earlier chapters completely (I might go do that when I'm done) I would have a different opinion, but the next step would be to make the characters mean more to the reader. Of course its hard when they're fighting and dying all the time, but it would enhance the reader's experience to have an emotional investment in the story. Does that make sense?

And I can't tell you how to do this (I'm not sure I know), but you know how sometimes you read a book and you get seriously excited when a certain thing is happening? We all know books that we couldn't put down, and, although this applies to most fics including mine, not much of the stuff on HBO is like that. Now this might just be for me because I've read too many good books and have too high expectations, but I think that the HBO fanfic community in general should work on making stories that are like that. And thats good criticism, no BS. I'm constantly trying to incorporate things into my stories which will keep the reader going, although its tough and I'm not the greatest at it. I think you already do this, but try even harder...I guess.

Well I hope that helped somewhat. In any case, great job. Trust me, the reason you're not getting criticism is that you don't need it. Keep up the good work.
5:55 pm | March 8, 2004
You know i've been getting a lot of good comments lately, not that don't like them. But, I have yet to get any real critasizm (spelled wrong). I mean, sure tell me what you really think about it. You can tell me it was good, or even kick-ass-great, but let me know what i'm doing wrong and what I need to improve upon. That's what I would like. Now I AM NOT telling you all to start totally bash me, just a couple tips along with the comment, like I see on all the other stories around here. I hope this lack of...whatever...in the comments isn't because I'm new around here.

To Mastergrunt: well, I figured you would say that considering your post on the fourth chapter, but he wasn't really a big character, just a foil to tie some things together and add more to the story. I'll try to include some more prominent Grunty characters, but I don't know what major thing I could do with them. I'll get to thinkin' though.

2:48 pm | March 8, 2004
Nice story, although I would have liked it better had Dwegol survived.