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Comments for 'Battle for Cryon:Part 1 the begining of the end.' |
masterchiefsdog
9:02 pm | April 10, 2004
i havent been looking at posts and comments for awhile so ive maybe not seen your other comments but ive read them now,
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masterchiefsdog
9:00 pm | April 10, 2004
so you guys want me to write another story
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Anonymous
12:24 pm | March 23, 2004
Oh yeah, one more thing. If a secret planet has so much valuable stuff wouldn't it have orbital guns like Reach?
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Anonymous
12:20 pm | March 23, 2004
You seem young because you have spelling errors. Like sarcasticly and threw not through. Overall that story was cool man with super strong shots that are as strong as the sniper rifle. I like your ending where Carlson is betrayed by somebody that assume is a human. Can't wait for part two and I'm probably younger than you, that's why I don't have a friggin name.
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IAmDelta
4:30 am | March 10, 2004
Lol. I don't know what very very young is but it sounds like you're just looking for an excuse. Don't worry about it bud, we all had to suck some time. Just read all the advice and make it better next time. No big deal. Good luck.
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A.P.N JJiggssaw
10:07 pm | March 9, 2004
Not bad. What I was going to say has already been said...
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CoLd BlooDed
3:51 pm | March 9, 2004
You can't be that young, and no, there is no way to delete this story.
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masterchiefsdog
2:08 pm | March 9, 2004
masterchiefsdog
but i used microsoft checking on my computer.
Yes, im new and im very very young so is there anyway i can delete this story
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Thomas Harper
12:44 pm | March 9, 2004
g-r-a-m-m-a-r....=:D
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Da Mann
7:16 am | March 9, 2004
This story has some cool weapons, but it lacks continuity and flow; it's pace is too frenetic and sudden. Like 'and then he got his gun, and then something blew up, and then a dead guy hit him'. A pace like that is fine if you explained how it was that stuff blew up and how the weapons dude ended up with a load of shrapnel in his head, hence giving the story more flow.
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SpartanMarkIII
5:46 am | March 9, 2004
Pretty cool considering the weapons. Like the others, grammar. Something I don't get is that why would a person say "don't even friggen move." Unless your planning treason, that doesn't make sense because the covenant use translaters for human language,english, but I don't think they use human slang.
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Phalanx3580
8:46 pm | March 8, 2004
pretty original but the grammar was baaaad
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'Nosolee
4:32 pm | March 8, 2004
Slightly choppy in the sense that you need to tighten up the language, but other than that the story seems origional and interesting.
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