Wado
6:18 am | September 24, 2002
I take it that this is the first part in a series. The story has potential. Honestly I think your writing skills overshadow the story. In other words you write very well but the plot of this story didn't seem all that great. The story skipped around some. Maybe try to take more time explaining what is going on. Use more descriptive text to clue in the reader to facial expressions and body language or just come out and tell us how each character feels. What kind of emotions go with the dialog. For instance, why is it at all important that the AI resembles the Captain's daughter (did I remember that right?). Does this affect the decisions the Captain makes? Does the AI really look that much like his daughter or is the Captain just believing that the AI does because deep down he feels guilty for leaving his daughter or something. I guess that is my only complaint. Keep going, hope to see your next story post soon.
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