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Fan Fiction

Comments for 'Warrior of Earth: Part 1'

6:36 pm | July 20, 2004
I have to agree with dave, he's helping you, sure he's pretty harsh about it, but hey if he wasn't you would be you would sooner or later be ended up calling a newb. newbie, or n00b. which is quite bad, i very much assure you.

7/10, work on it.
Solidus Snake
6:32 pm | July 20, 2004
First of all, hard to read without code, two, didn't really catch my attention.
5:40 pm | July 20, 2004
goodstuff,look forward to the next piece
1:01 pm | July 20, 2004
I think everyone should cut him some slack. For a first fan fic, I think this was a pretty good piece of writing. There were a few problems, like:

"After eating my stomach out" could have been expressed in a different way such as "After filling up my stomach." By the way, for anyone who has eaten MRE's they are not the best tasting meals, but they are filling.

I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept of an Elite, even one with amnesia, slipping so easily into the role of a soldier specializing in infiltration operations for Humans. Need to build in a little conflict there like conflicted feelings on his part, more flashbacks, etc. Or, that he has studied Humans and knows how threatened the Prophets feel about us. Stuff like that. Anyhoo, that's all for now and most important--keep writing.
6:27 pm | July 19, 2004
It's good, but slow down when writing about your action. Be more discriptive, not like this. He jumped into the hole then a human came so he shot him, but then he got shot. Other than that though, it was good. We need to start beating Elites over the head more often. That way we can have an army of them.
Alox The Malox
12:30 am | July 19, 2004
That was a great first fanfic. The only thing missing, in my opinion, is slightly more detail in you discriptions. For example, the training he received from the humans and the extent of his amnesia. Other than that and the use of code, which can be excused for first time writers, it was pretty good. Thanks you Kotaree.
Keti 'Kotaree
3:41 am | July 18, 2004
Alright, I get it. Use codes next time.

Dave Luck - Unless you can say you've never completely screwed something up on your first try at anything ever in your life, gimme a break.

Does anyone have any comments on my writing itself rather than my code or lack thereof?
1:30 pm | July 17, 2004
He is helping them...by telling them to use the code...just in a more...agressiev way...lol..

6:20 am | July 17, 2004
hey dave,
lighten up alittle, when ur excited on your first fanfic you dont read all the codes and hell i didnt even know where to find them, if you really wanna help someone then email them and show them how to use the codes, not bitch at them, that only depresses us and wants us to stop, and make us think your an incconsederate ass, i know your not but just help others enstead of bitching at them


p.s. sorry for the double message
6:18 am | July 17, 2004
hey good story, its got potintal, but use the code just alittle more(dont fell bad i just found out what it was today) to find out what they are go and read "riding a horse to death"no its not your mom" and it should help u, its on this page infact. also you said the elite fell towards halo, he would only float cause of the lack of gravity
keep the story goin, its got potenal

Dave Luck
12:25 am | July 17, 2004
That is no excuse!

Everyone should read the guidelines!

Am I the only person to use code and grammar on their first fanfic? Maybe I am.

It says 'Read these - OR ELSE!!!'

I guess that 'Or else' means 'getting flamed by a kid who is a code snob, and not afraid to admit it.'

Come on, when will they read the guidelines?

The story seems to have a bland taste to it. Better than the other n00b fiction, though.

- Dave.
Keti 'Kotaree
12:12 am | July 17, 2004
Sorry, it's my first time trying this.
8:04 pm | July 16, 2004
Its hard to read without the code.

4:12 pm | July 16, 2004
As 'Kotaree knows I really think he is onto something, This is some wicked piece of work, Congrats on future work and good luck if this becomes something famous :P