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Comments for 'Even In Death' |
JJiggssaw
11:26 pm | March 7, 2004
Thanks guys,
Yes I know it was weird. I do write good poetry; that was not an example. It was my treatment for severe writer's block and combined with a ginger ale float I am now cured. Please don't take it so seriously. My father said that it brought up a serious question of ethics in the Halo universe etc. etc. yawwwwwwwwwwn so now i regret showing it to my family. Ho hum...
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CoLd BlooDed
10:59 pm | March 7, 2004
I still liked it, even though it was a bit out of format.
Say JJigg, have you read any of my TSTS stories? Just wonderin'. :P
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Jon M
2:51 pm | March 6, 2004
Perhaps I'm suffering from paternalistic instincts here, but that didn't seem all that bad. There are two ways to look at it. It is either incredibly free-form - or there are some serious rythm and meter issues. I think it's the former. However, go down to the used record store and check out the lyrics of a bunch of songs you don't know. It seems pretty disjointed until you hear it with the music - so it could be that. Since it is most likely free form, I'd like to see it longer and tell a more complete story, and don't hate me, but that ending was hokey. It could be less hokey if you described, "that divine place beyond iife," metaphorically. In fact, the whole thing could be vastly improved with some good metaphorical descriptions of what's going on. Anyway, don't stop doing this kind of thing. Challenging yourself as a writer only improves your skills.
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Thomas....
1:32 pm | March 6, 2004
when u write a poem try to keep each sentence ABOUT the same length, because if u dont do that then it sorta starts lookin like a story more than a poem plus it makes it more confusing. but hey i just posted a poem to see what would happen so who nos mine may be worst. but i do have to say that my favorite powm THAT I HAVE EVER READ was by walker called One Last Bullet. but this one was ok other than that.
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Solidus Snake
12:22 pm | March 6, 2004
Hmm... didn't really seem that good to me. To me it doesn't flow...
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Sentinel
11:03 pm | March 5, 2004
Hm...
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Jagged
10:50 pm | March 5, 2004
Interesting, i liked it. From a grunt's perspective perhaps? the whole running and hiding part anyway.....keep it up....
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ToFu
5:08 pm | March 5, 2004
Interesting indeed...
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Ermac of VGPro
4:12 pm | March 5, 2004
Very descriptive, I liked the "death's velvet grasp" part. Good writing.
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CoLd BlooDed
3:45 pm | March 5, 2004
That was good. Keep it up.
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