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Fan Fiction

Comments for 'The Longsword[H & R 3]'

12:02 am | August 26, 2003
According to Halo: Combat Evolved, which you took parts of, they NEED the neural implants to activate the Autumn's Self Destruct Sequence. So it made adsolutely no sense to have Chiefy destroy them.

Then make Cortana act slow by asking, "But what would cause such an blast?" When is was her idea to use, and I quote the GAME, "Not much. A well-placed grenade perhaps-"

The CHIEF is the one who asked, "How much firepower would you need to crack one of the engine's shields?"

Spelling and Capitalizational errors abound; "shotgun" is one word, "Elite" is capatalized, "Chief" is capatalized; since his full TITLE (yes, you capitalize TITLES)is MASTER CHIEF PETTY OFFICER.

It is very hard to make a variation of the actual game, I have read a few stories that attempted this and failed. I'm not picking on you, merely criticising your work; so don't take it as a personal insult. Ask Elfster and Huntr-Killr, I'm just as critical on their work as everyone else's.

Good luck with the story writing in the future; I hope you learn from your mistakes.


6:39 pm | August 25, 2003
That was a pretty creative attempt at modifying the Halo game script. I don't know why more people don't comment on your stories.

Your grammar wasn't too bad and the action flowed nicely. I also like how most of the story you stayed from Daxia's point of view -- that was a good move to keep things from getting too complicated by introducing too much information.

I got the feeling, however, that you rushed the story a bit too much, especially the last parts. Maybe now that you are through to the end of Halo, you can slow it down a bit and explore more of your own territories and ideas.

Definitely keep up the good writing.