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Comments for 'The Death of Our Hero' |
Voi
11:04 am | June 25, 2004
It's ok for a MC death story. It still doesn't compare to "the fall of the covenant and the death of a hero" story, submited some months ago.
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Void
11:04 am | June 25, 2004
oops, I mean, the end of the convenant and the fall of a hero.
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Wiley
4:12 am | June 25, 2004
Hey! Red Bull is ok..if you wanna taste Oblivion, drink Pepsi Blue. GAH! We had a LAN party and out of 18 people, they all brought Pepsi Blue. It was a nightmare. I wanted to shoot myself...
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343 Salty Beans
2:00 am | June 25, 2004
Mmm...nuts....I mean...
I was never here. If you say anything about this to anyone, you will taste oblivion!...Which tastes just like Red Bull!...Which is disgusting!
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Dave Luck
8:49 pm | June 24, 2004
I''m not a regular, but I will go nuts on you, Jeff.
NUTS! NUTS!!! NUTS!!!!
Touching to the last, but the grammar and spelling hold back whatever goes.
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343 Salty Beans
7:53 pm | June 24, 2004
OK! Now that I'm reading YOUR story, I'll point out the wrong stuff.
1. When you indent, italicize, and bolden your text in your word-editing program, it doesn't carry over to your FF. That's why you proofread and check for mistakes. To do the things above, do this:
to italicize a block of text, put [i] before the block, and [/i] to end it. To bolden, do [b], [/b], and underlining is [u], [/u].
Indenting helps seperate paragraphs. To put an indent, put a [indent] where you want it to show up.
Finally, for a horizontal rule, put [hr] between two paragraphs. A horizontal rule usually shows a change in time, place, or other major switch in the story.
Yeah, there's the code. Use it, or the regulars go nuts on you.
Some uncapitalized words, missed punctuation, and mispellings. A few sentences seemed short and choppy, too.
Hunters come in pairs only, not three at once. And when you typed that, type out the whole word (two) instead of just the number (2).
Also, capitalize Covenant races. Instead of grunts, its Grunts, elites are Elites, etc. Ditto goes for Marines!
And the MC died. Not a normal story, but still, interesting plot.
343SB
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343 Salty Beans
7:53 pm | June 24, 2004
Oops...scratch that last comment...I was reading another story on accident :P. Forget anything I said.
343SB
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343 Salty Beans
7:50 pm | June 24, 2004
An....interesting...plot, but mispellings, grammatical errors, run-on sentences, and mispunctuation held the story back from flowing smoothly.
343SB
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Anon
4:57 pm | June 24, 2004
Not bad. Interesting that someone chose to kill off the MC, but I find it a little difficult to believe that he couldn't escape from that.
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Black Titan
1:37 pm | June 24, 2004
SORRY. I SPELLED DYING WRONG ON MY FIRST ENTRY.
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Black Titan
1:35 pm | June 24, 2004
So, You killed the MC huh? It was ok. Its always good to see how someone imagines him ding. (personaly, i will never kill him in a story. He's the last hope for humanit, except for the ODST's of course)
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