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Comments for 'ONI Black Operations Chapter 1'

7:18 pm | February 11, 2003
great, i got a little confused in parts but other then that excellent
7:14 pm | February 6, 2003
Nice job.
12:51 pm | February 6, 2003
Well, heh you got the paragraphing down, but it looks like you need to use more puncuation still. Not oodles of errors, but no one's perfect.
12:51 pm | February 6, 2003
Hey thanks, im a bit rusty, i haven't written anything in a looong time. Im happy that i didn't screw up on this and believe me its gonna get very interesting. I like ur input and i'd like to hear more.

P.S. This might be a little hint and all, read my last two series over again, as i get into this u might notice something. Thx
3:53 am | February 6, 2003
oops, forgot to put this, the soliders are Marines and Orbital Drop Shock Troopers, the best from both. The character made it appernt that he didn't know why or wanted to kill but that was his duty. Sometimes though this could be stretched....
3:51 am | February 6, 2003
Office of Naval Intelegence, the squads follow orders, im going to get into detail bout this later on.....
3:45 am | February 6, 2003
But im just asking, They're on the same side of a war they are losing, why would they have to infiltrate a human base in the first place?
And what does ONI stand for anyway?
1:29 am | February 6, 2003
Hey, i ain't the master essay writer give me some time and ill get back up to speed, Bloodcider i didn't say they were there to kill the marines, if you were infiltrating a base wouldn't you kill a sentry that was in ur way?
1:14 am | February 6, 2003
I liked it. But why would Marines be killing other Marines?
11:37 pm | February 5, 2003
Hey, this was pretty cool. You managed to escape your little dialogue loops for the most part, though the descriptions on the unit may have been a little shorter.

Use indirect dialogue, or something. Might enhance the piece a bit. Overall I have no major complaints.