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Comments for 'A John Before Halo: Part 16 Chapter 2'

3:09 am | April 12, 2004
12:52 am | April 1, 2004
2:06 am | March 31, 2004
w00t thx sentinel, hey if you want a part in the story (I'm gonna need fresh meat soon lol) then contact me in these ways:
Email: gjm_25@yahoo.com
AIM: MasterChief 510
MSN: gjm_25@yahoo.com
10:35 pm | March 29, 2004
Very good. The series was good from the beginning (yes, I was here then but didn't start wrighting right away).
5:27 pm | March 28, 2004
dude awesome
5:10 pm | March 27, 2004
same here, wait i already said that, i knew that champange was gettin to my head...
CoLd BlooDed
5:53 am | March 27, 2004
I make up my whole storyline, well, guideline, before I actually start typing my series.
5:46 am | March 27, 2004
not the section lol, i meant the story. hell i spend 2 weeks planning a section and a month forgetting about it lol
Hell Starter
12:51 pm | March 26, 2004
You have been working on just this section, or the whole story since last july? O well, my story, The story of the Survivng Spartan IIs, was started in november, and took from january to now to edit, and im still working on it kind of, lol!
11:26 pm | March 25, 2004
1:07 am | March 25, 2004
very good man very good
10:00 pm | March 24, 2004
thx flu, and my word messed up right there sorry, another thing this takes place between 2436 and 2450 m'kay, o yeah. keep writing? lol I've been writing this story since july of last year.
7:57 pm | March 24, 2004
Got a minute?

First off, “in till” should be: until

There are plenty of sentence fragments, improper punctuation in appositives, tense changes and passive voice. The following paragraph has all of these: “yelled John as he sighted in and pulled the trigger, the antique gun from the early 1950's giving him smooth recoil. The 7.62 mm bullet went threw a Rebel's neck, grabbing it the Rebel went down into the ground.”

It could be fixed in the following way: yelled John as he sighted in and pulled the trigger. The antique gun, from the early 1950’s, gave him smooth recoil. The 7.62mm bullet went through a Rebel’s neck. The Rebel grabbed it and went down to the ground.

Good effort. Keep writing.
Snake Solid 117
7:09 pm | March 24, 2004
A cool story. A new idea as far as I know. WHat year is this in, because all of the wepaons named in the story are used now. Cool story though.

I love the G3A3, that gun rocks. (7.62mm NATO)
4:30 pm | March 24, 2004
12:15 pm | March 24, 2004
thx, and harper: VManJr was in a physco rage lol, and hell starter, i gave my story to agent shade to proffread and he said it was OK, and i won't change the paragraphs because i like to write short and to the point if u know wat i mean m'kay?
Hell Starter
12:13 pm | March 24, 2004
I read most of it and some things shouted to me. First like harper said you need to make some bigger paragraphs. Second your spelling and grammer needs to be a little better. Example 'till' that until. The story was pretty good though. :D keep working at it!
Thomas Harper
10:00 pm | March 23, 2004
hey sorry about posting so much. but finally hyere we go with ur story.

first of all i saw 2 things while reading. one was that u started a new paragraph after about each sentences so thast made them really small. also what was with VmanJr?

other than that there were some other formatting problems and some grammar problems but other than that it was ok.
Thomas Harper
9:54 pm | March 23, 2004
i am not a newb just to let u no since ive already been called one today. not pointing any fingers though. *caugh* flu *caugh*
Thomas Harper
1:21 pm | March 23, 2004
once i read ur story ill say something about it.

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE READ MY STORY BECAUSE NO ONE HAS AND I WANT TO KNOW IF U LIKED IT OR IF I NEED TO FIX SOMETHING!!!! thank you. the title is Halo2: The Covenant Wars [part 2]. please read it. thanks again.