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Comments for 'Underestimated: Chapter 1 (revised) and Chapter 2' |
Flu
11:03 pm | March 24, 2004
I tried so hard to post on your story but it kept f'ing up and I lost it.
Here's the 'gist. Too much dialogue. In my original *lost* post I compared dialogue to game-map ground texture. It's necessary and if its good it adds immeasurably to the experience, but if there's too much of it, it bogs the whole thing down. I said it this way because I know you're a map-modder. There can only be one Ikabuianman...
Anyway, Lots of grammar problems too like sentence fragments, and style issues like what the characers actually say and what you say about what they say.
All-in-all a respectable early effort. Keep modding...er writing... this story.
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