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Comments for 'Force Recon, Scout Sniper part 1' |
343 Salty Beans
7:01 pm | July 21, 2004
A few grammar errors, some missed commas, and the sentences were a little choppy. Other than that, I'm lovin it.
343SB
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MadJackal
11:40 am | July 3, 2004
Oh, I haven't read the story yet, but I will soon. I was skimming over the comments and would like to point out that Force Recon is not an organization, merely a military name for recon behind enemy lines with a lot of firepower and a lot of calling in artillery and air strikes. There are many books about Force Recon written by Marines in Vietnam who were part of such teams. I've read some of them and their pretty good.
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russ687
6:23 pm | June 30, 2004
Ahhh, so we've narrowed it down to...the Prophet? Anyways, bring out the next part soon so I can find out.
one shot, one kill, right?
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russ687
6:23 pm | June 30, 2004
Ahhh, so we've narrowed it down to...the Prophet? Anyways, bring out the next part soon so I can find out.
one shot, one kill, right?
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Helljumper
6:18 pm | June 30, 2004
I got the idea about this series from watching the HIstory channel and they did this show on snipers and talked about Force REcon Scout Snipers. Then i remembered an episode of JAG where they did stuff with Force REcon, then i saw a more recent episode about Force REcon. Plus i wanted to do a story about snipers cause i've read some of the crappy ones that noobies post. Your idea is hot, but i already know where i'm going with this. I'll say that you were close with your first post.
ODST
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russ687
6:03 pm | June 30, 2004
Well, similiar, I'm just hoping that that its going to involve some mystery.
Speaking of which, did you get the Marine Force Recon idea from me? The Halo books don't mention such an orgnaiztion, so you couldn't have gotten it from there...
OK, how about this then:
The human planet ________ is being invaded, not glassed, by Covenant forces. But this time, UNSC forces expect that the reason (and they get this idea from Ackerson) the planet they are defending holds some sacred object. The Marine sniper is deployed with Ackerson's backing (because Ackerson has heard great things about this sniper) to assist a unit already at the planet in finding the object. Why? Becuase this Marine has a history, and that history will prove to be something in the story
Cold or hot?
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Helljumper
5:56 pm | June 30, 2004
your guess sounds kinda like your story or is it just me?
ODST
First to rise, last to fall
Helljumpers do it all
Feet first into Hell
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Helljumper
5:54 pm | June 30, 2004
Sorry Russ but I am not at Liberty to disclose that information at the current time. (ONI rules and all)But you'll have to wait for the next part which i'm working on now.
ODST
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Pho
5:20 pm | June 30, 2004
haha yah, i can't help but picture that one sniper part from Clear and Present Danger, either. Good story.
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russ687
5:15 pm | June 30, 2004
How about this for your sniper's mission:
ONI has found a Covenant planet (not thier homeworld, but just a planet that they find sacred), and a covert task force is heading there to not only investigate, but to capture a Covenant Prophet; similar to what the books were like.
And the snipers mission is to do the dirty deed if the mission fails: kill the Covenant Prophet if needed.
But instead of finding a Prophet on this world they find a huge Pryramid, guarded closly by the Covenant of course. The group, being covert and all, find a way in and discover _______ .....
Or, the sniper's going to be sent to a unit and live out his life on a ship. You never know...
How close was I?
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Helljumper
4:03 am | June 30, 2004
interesting Wiley i actually thought about that but i won't confirm or deny you guys just have to wait, any others.
ODST
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Wiley
3:38 am | June 30, 2004
Assinate a SPARTAN. What Ackerson would do. he HATES SPARTANS to the core.
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hunter_that_dances
2:22 am | June 30, 2004
pretty good, and keep it up. (see, i dont criticize those who critisize me)
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teemus
9:45 pm | June 29, 2004
Liked it alot Helljumper. Looking forward to the next parts.
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Helljumper
6:30 pm | June 29, 2004
Anyone want to take a guess at what the sniper's mission is going to be. I won't agree or disagree with what you guys say but it would be good to know wat u think
ODST
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Flying Battle Man
5:31 pm | June 29, 2004
I am hard core sniper man. No-one stands still when I play.
NEVER MESS WITH A SNIPER.
you never know when the eye's on you....
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Mainevent
5:29 pm | June 29, 2004
Goo....great story man.
I always loved snipers, and this is just a reason why.
I would try to be a sniper when I join the military, but I got shitty eyes. That and I'm way too impatient to sit on the ground watching stuff like they do for hours or days on end.
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Flying Battle Man
4:44 pm | June 29, 2004
See what I mean? Even in the posts I make a spelling error. :D
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Flying Battle Man
4:39 pm | June 29, 2004
Man.......You never realive just how much your stories suck ass until you read something like this. This rules. No doubt about it.
P.S. I snipe. think that might affect my judgment?
No number high enough/10
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Helljumper
1:32 pm | June 29, 2004
I don't know about a corporal chewing out an XO thats grounds for a courtmartial no matter who u are. I've read up on the Force Recon, i won't mess them up, and if you think about it they would have to be ODST in the future.
ODST
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Nick Kang
1:26 pm | June 29, 2004
Kickass!
Yes, you had gramatical errors, and yes, you made Ackerson sound like a good guy, but I liked it.
NK
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Helljumper
11:08 am | June 29, 2004
I like Ackerson as you can tell, I can understand how he feels and does what he does for the sake of humanity. Sorry about the grammar, i always proofread and I didn't see any problems but I'll try harder for the next part. I use the () to explain things so that you get a clear picture of what i'm talking bout. I write my stories like its a movie and you are watching it in your head. the next few parts will include () because i'll be useing a lot of technical military stuff. Anyway i use the full name and classification of weapons so that Newbies can read my story and now the proper name of things. Its not really for you veterns.
ODST
"Thats what happened to the Spartans, Chief: They died out. Or will once you're gone. And that's where the ODST comes in. It was Helljumpers who took this butte, son- not a bunch of augmented freaks dressed in fancy armor." Major Silva ODST RIP
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Blue Jaguar
7:05 am | June 29, 2004
that was awesome,don't ever F- with Force Recon or scout snipers, they are #1 Bad*ss. Now combining those two together....PLUS ODSTS....that i think, well they have a name for that and i think its called a Spartan II. Or as good as one at least.
Which reminds me, I talked to a guy in the marine corps, and he said that he was at a base with a force recon unit, and he watched a corporal in the squad chew out his unit's executive officer(the regular marine)-he also happened to be a commisioned officer. Now that takes ballz right there, or just plain insanity.
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russ687
1:30 am | June 29, 2004
Hmmm, the books portray Ackerson as a person of low moral character. I always root for the "bad-guys" (Yes, I'm hoping the Covenant....jk) so no troubles here, but make sure you do not change the Ackerson character. Despite his will to win the war, he still has other questionable atrributes that make Ackerson....well, Ackerson.
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Guardian
1:28 am | June 29, 2004
This was awesome, your fan fictions are like a box of research papers waiting to be analyzed. They are going to be so much help for my next part of my story. Thank you for writing them, i am grateful.
40/10.
Keep them coming man.
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anonamous
9:59 pm | June 28, 2004
that was great. good work on the research. the one thing i didnt like is that u make ackerson sound like he's a "good" guy. but otherwise it was a great story. keep up the good work.
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russ687
9:39 pm | June 28, 2004
Nicely done, but I have a suggestion:
Don't use paranthesis in quotations. And if it all possible, don't use them in the narrative either. Try and explain certain aspects through the text and writing.
The story was good (You even made Ackerson sound somewhat...respectable.) I hope the next part will give us a better view of what is going on (story-line wise).
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Berconius
8:58 pm | June 28, 2004
Nice ending.
there were most certainly errors in grammar and punctuation that hinder the flow of the story, but they can be picked up with a Microsoft Word spell/grammar check. Just run it through one of those before you submit.
Other then that, it's good. You don't linger too much on the thoughts of the character, which is good. You also do a good job with the story telling. You concentrate on the important things like their actions and don't skip around things like soem authors do. Could use less info on the Sniper Rifle's ammunition and the technical name of the Pelican since it's wordy and unnecessary, but it's not too noticeble.
Good work all around. 9/10
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Severian
8:42 pm | June 28, 2004
Ah- I remembered just right now a book I have: One Shot, One Kill. A account on snipers in WWII, Korean War, and Vietnam War with some snippets from Somalia.
Nice story.
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Chuckles
8:20 pm | June 28, 2004
Great job. I haven't read your other stuff (perhaps I will), but it seems that you put Ackerson in a patriotic light here; almost positive. I wouldn't want it to get around that you liked the Colonel :)
It would have been a lot smoother with more careful spelling and grammar, but you have a great writing style. Keep it up.
C.T. Clown
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Helljumper
7:30 pm | June 28, 2004
Technically its not a rip off from that movie even though I like that part of the movie. Its the way real Marine Force Recon Scout Snipers train, i read up on it online. I always do my research before writing a story.
ODST
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Ajax
7:28 pm | June 28, 2004
Very good, even though you ripped off that exercise from Clear and Present Danger.
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Helljumper
7:14 pm | June 28, 2004
Well first he aimed at the gunny and pulled the trigger but the firing pin clicked which means that there wasn't a round in the chamber. Sorry for the confusion.
ODST
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CoLd BlooDed
6:56 pm | June 28, 2004
Nice, I liked it. A bit confusing at the beginning, though. Was the sniper aiming for Gunny or a target? That's where I got confused.
I spotted some minor grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors, but nothing too out of wack. Keep it up.
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