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Comments for 'What Would Have Been- Part 1'

9:11 pm | March 23, 2003
I will make the PoA distract the TaR while the Spartans make a break for it.
12:45 pm | March 19, 2003
Actually, as I began to read this (first paragraph) I began to think, 'wow, I should write a fanfic about if the PoA had gotten to complete it's mission.' You did. Nice work! I was a little dissapointed with the first half, but from there on it is pretty good. THe first half had very blatant text. Add a little flair (additional adverbs and adjectives) and you'll be fine. Good enough, but I'll be pissed off if you don't fix it for the next part with some of the things we have suggested here...
10:41 pm | March 17, 2003
But how else do they disable the ship to dock with it? I mean the TAR wouldn't just sit there and let the POA dock. I don't think there are too many ways They could have snuck (is that a word?) up on the TAR and docked with it w/o being filled up with Plasma Torps.
9:00 pm | March 17, 2003
I didn't put the battle between the PoA ad the TaR in because that only happens after the Covenant attack Reach. It is supposed to be a covert operation. If you want surprise you don't run in with guns blazin'!
12:53 pm | March 17, 2003
Kind of like Harry Turtledove's alternate history books. (If you like alternate history, like Aliens invading Earth at the peak of WW2 U should check him out.)

More detail would have worked; liked the Capital ship battle where Keyes would have disabled the TaR. But anyway, keep it coming and check to make sure your paragraphs are accurate.