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Comments for 'Last Stand part 2'

6:41 am | March 31, 2003
ok then i'll try to change it in my next story... well i still got what 2 parts for this story and i am working on a yellow banshee story!!
5:48 am | March 23, 2003
Nice. It is good besides the... Well... Paragraph situation... Good. Better than most the crap up here by far. It seems like you have two styles submerging thogh. You ahve the sort of rolling thoughts that instantly place imagesin you head, the begining thing, and the others where you slow downa little. Could work so long as you ahve a formt, like:

First paragraph of section: rolling to establish place and thoughts

Second of section: Slowing for dialogue

Third: Action. Rearrange that as you need so long as the showcase of your style, the rolling thing, stays in the front...
5:48 am | March 23, 2003
Another thing... Dialogue=Weak. Story=Good.

I mean, I don't just say to someone "Hey, what is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?", out of nowhere... Support your dialogue a little more even if it means making the fnafic a little longer.
12:47 pm | March 19, 2003
Let's just say it this way. Everytime someone different speaks it should be a new paragraph! Your writing style is sorta cool in a weird-strange-strange-strange-weird sort of way.

But anyway keep it up.