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Comments for 'CORRUPT [1]'



Ishkabibbl
7:42 pm | August 3, 2003
Someone watches a bit too much toonami...
GLADIATRRR3000
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
i thought it was pretty cool (especially since i wrote it), and whats 'toonami'?
Khyber
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
wow... that was scary... it left my heart pounding. are these like some super-form of the spartans?
Spartan 117
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
dang, spartans on rampage
Walker
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
wow, a story written with the bad guys as the protagonists. thats a first for HBO, i beleive. keep up with this series, its one of the best here.
oogabooga
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
im new here and if all the stories on this site are as good as this one i could be here all week.
Tango709
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
best story you've written yet, GLADIATRRR3000! i want more!
TheRambler
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
Good story all around. Except I have one small suggestion. Maybe you shouldnt have revealed there "names" (778 and 559) until the end of the story. When I fist saw the numbers I guessed that they were Spartans and I was correct. But when I started the story in the beginning, before that numbers, I thought they were elites. If you would have revealed that hey were Spartans in the end, I think that would have a much greater effect. Really good job though.
Steele
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
Intriguing.
Elfster
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
Toonami is a gay cartoon show with stuff like DBZ. I saw the ads and stuff a few times when I used to watch cartoons (Which was before I discovered Halo and HBO =p) Which makes Ish gay for watching it! MUAHAHAHAH! (JK)

9/10 because it could have head alot more mystery.
orlando stalker person...MUAHAHA
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
Hey dude! that was SUCH a good fic. ur an awesome writer. seriously...i cant write like...1/10000000 times as well. keep writing (if ya write tis as a series, gimme the url, k?)
GLADIATRRR3000
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
oh, that's what toonami is. thought i heard it before. anyway, for everyone who liked this, im already writing the next one. i think ill make this a ten-part series before i finish it (although the last one should be good. you thinkthey should meet up with MC or something like that?
and check out my other series: A Marine Named Peters if you havent already
GLADIATRRR3000
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
i like to write stories about evil people. it's just more fun for them to not care if someone lives or dies if they stand in the way. like i said before, do you think they should meet up with the Master Chief or an elite squad or something? tell me now before i get to far into the story
Ishkabibbl
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
Actualy in i think hermiestrigustus(its an odd title he explained it in the epoligue) the bad guy, he was a terrorist, was the main charecter of the story.
crashedwarthog
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
i personally dont like humans getting killed, but this was kool as. yeah i think they should meet up with MC, but he should be against them, and somehow he should kick 778 and 559's asses, but those 2 can go down gracefully or sumthin i dunno lol 9/10
Vege7a
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
Yeah, the only thing I didn't like was the way that the Spartans acted like they were cursed to be Spartans. If you ask me I would love it if I was a Spartan, cuz normal life sucks. Oh and by the way DBZ rocks, but the rest of Toonami is gay.
Alpha Lance
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
What!DBZ is gay!I use to like untill I finnily
relize that it sucks really,come on they sit there watching their friends get the shit knock
out of them,and they don't bother to help them!
And how in the hell can they shoot plasma shit
out of their hands without burning theirselves?
Its just plain shitty and gay.
Alpha Lance
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
Oh yes,I forrgot to tell you that this story was good,nice going.
Covie Killer
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
I agree with Alpa Lance,DBZ is gay,alot.And nice going on your story,it was great.
Covie Killer
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
Whops,I misspelled Alpha Lance.
Alpha Lance
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
So,I don't really care if you misspelled my name.
Walker
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
it would be cool for the evil spartans to meet up with the MCPO. i think it shouldn't happen until close to the end, though.
scope
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
8.5/10 Had some scary parts
pooman
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
ya dbz is really gay
pooman
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
ooops i forgot my score 10/10
Hawk7886
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
Oh, man, my eyes! :) Can you indent the next story and space out the paragraphs a bit more? This sentence was a little biased, "The base itself was damn near invisible by itself, and this particular bunker was so heavily armed that it could only be taken down by an entire army or God himself." Are you saying there is a God? Where is the proof? I'm not just trying to nitpick, it's just that you could've said it more like, "The base itself was damn near invisible by itself, and this particular bunker was so heavily armed that it could only be taken down by an entire army or from orbit." There is no need to add religion. Did you mean it is invisible so that no-one can see it, or is it invincible so that no-one can destroy it? Excellent story, the fan-fic pages have needed a super-dark story for some time. For me, the Marines seemed kinda stupid as friendly fire took out many. Very good story, can't wait for the next one. 9/10
Walker
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
the addition of "by god himself" it makes it seem even more powerful. for those who beleive in god, including me, it sounds a lot more powerful and magnificent, not to mention it sounds better than the word "orbit". if u don't beleive in god, well, sorry, there's a thing called free speech which both u and i can exercise here. if you didn't like it, you could have stopped reading right then and there. this is a good story, and i don't go crying every time a story is written about an athiest.
Tango709
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
god and texas!
Khyber
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
what's wrong with saying there is a god? you make it seem like some big insult. where's the proof there isn't? the proof for anyone's religion lies in their faith, or lack of it. you can't rock that faith very easily.
Steele
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
Capitalize 'God' please.
GLADIATRRR3000
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
........wow. we went from toonami to God pretty fast there
Tango709
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
God and Texas!
Kancer (Ronald Maszk)
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
God good, that was f***kin awesome man. One question tho, did you get New San Fransisco from Futurama, you know Like New New York, maybe. Sorry if it's already been asked. By the way, thanks for giving me an idea for one of the Plagues, you know what about the vampires, and crap.!! Thanks again, and keep writin these awesome stories.
Kancer (Ronald Maszk)
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
sorry, didnt give a rating, 100/10
Khyber
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
ok, i think you don't understand the concept of the prefix "new". it wasn't something made up by the writers of futurama, it is a prefix added to colonies who are named after the hometowns/states/countries of the settlers. ie, new york, new england, new mexico, new braunfels, and finally new san fransisco.
Kancer
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
What!!!! Why don't you do all of us a favor, and shutup!
Kancer
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
And I mean you Khyber, ***hole!
Elfster
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
bullshit, fuck yes you are Hawk, you're ALWAYS trying to be a nitpick.
GLADIATRRR3000
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
since you mentioned hawk, hey hawk, would it have been better if i mentioned "allah" or "buddah" instead of God? jeez
Agent Shade
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
hey guys, come on, give him a break, he's just trying to help, there are people in this world who believe in different gods and shit like that. he did give this story a nine out of ten lol

as for the story, it was good, but Hawk is right about something. [indent] it was kind of hard to read after awhile. the indent thing was really the only problem i noticed, everything else looks good

keep it up 9/10
JCDenton
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
a lot of futural Ideas of mine are here inserted. my plans in a part of my story is the same as here. rampaging spartans. oww well no prblem but I wont be cheating in this. you made a great thriller story man. good job. for now, I give you a 9.8/10 but it is great!
Spartan 117
12:00 am | November 30, -0001
yes, people beleive in different gods... so why did he attack a phrase that had the word "God" in it in the first place? nitpickin' always leads to trouble.


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