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Comments for 'Chapter 1 of Halo: Fellowship in Blood: War of the Worts' |
ToFu
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Interesting Story, though try not 2 tab everytime someone speaks...
"Hey What's up dude!"
"Hey Whats up dude!"
looks more professional like that.
Write on Brother, write on!
ToFu signing off!
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ToFu
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
What the hell. It was suppose to tab on the first
"Hey What's up dude!"
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Alias
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Good story. Is that supposed to be a takeoff of 'War of the Worlds'?
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Helljumper
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
I don't know, if i was in a firefight with some Elites, I wouldn't take the time to have a conversation. The story moved too quickly
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Jenkins
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
I agree with helljumper. There is a difference between keeping a persons interest with action and boring them to death with it. Watch out for that tab(it's a killer). I look forward to seeing more stories.
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Jenkins
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
OOPS!!!
Dammit_Jenkins_Fire_Your_Weapon!!!
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gamer02
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
thanks for the comments, again.
um, not to criticize your criticisim, but in every professional work of writing, they indent every new paragraph, and it is grammatically correct to start a new paragraph whenever someone speaks (sorry for being an ass and mentioning that, but it's true).
And they weren't "taking the time to have a conversation" it was just, I guess, 'combat banter'. (I'm analyzing my own writing, I really am an ass)
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ToFu
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
I have to comment on that gamer02, ur story would look more interesting if it was'nt too much indented...
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CoLd BlooDed
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Uh, I really didn't mind the double indent because everyone has their own style. It was short, yes...oh yeah, I had a problem with this:
"YO-BO, BO-BO-BAH!"
Don't write what the Elites are saying, that completely demolishes the mood of the story and makes the people laugh, it did to me. So keep it up, make it longer, and I'll be happy.
They also don't space stories out like you do, where you seperate the paragraphs by one whole line, that just makes it look longer.
eg. "I don't think we're going anywhere." said Jill.
"I agree."
See? Its not:
"I don't think we're going anywhere."
"I agree."
Hope that helps.
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