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Comments for 'ODST: Souped up and ready to roll. Chapter 1' |
Dr. CoLd BlooDed
8:15 pm | May 8, 2004
You forgot to mention tumors.
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TGC
11:27 am | May 8, 2004
Sweet story!
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Slayer Boi
10:10 am | May 8, 2004
Ok it is a great story idea, but it needs some structure. one of the may things i like about both Lance Johnston and Conrad Lauf's stories is that they set it out in different styles but both so they dont cram ur head so full of story that u explode!
Good work
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CoLd BlooDed
6:11 am | May 8, 2004
'Tis good, but not great. You need to make a new paragraph everytime a new person speaks. Cramming too much dialogue into a paragraph isn't good for you, in fact, it can cause tumors.
The code prevents tumors, so learn what the code is and use it.
Tumors are also prevented with proper punctuation, you were a little off in that area, but I really liked the story. The action didn't get repetitive and boring. Keep it up!
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Flying Battle Man
12:25 am | May 8, 2004
Thanks for the help. I'll try to make the next entries better. ODST stands for Orbital Drop Shock Trooper, by the way. Thx again as this is my first ever story entry.
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Helljumper
4:42 pm | May 7, 2004
The story was good, but you need to use the Code, and you need to work on strucute. The details were good and i loved the action
"As the Pelican dubbed R932 settled onto its skids, the company of ODST marines piled out onto the ground"
A company is like 3 platoons with 30-40 Marines each so thats a lot more than a Pelican can hold. From the part when he first landed, i counted 14 ODST, a Pelican can only hold 10
ODST
Because you are writing about Helljumpers i'll be watching you very closely. I suggest you read Halo:The flood
ODST
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CoLd BlooDed
3:59 pm | May 7, 2004
Orbital Drop Shock Trooper.
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??
1:48 pm | May 7, 2004
Hay, budy, what does ODST stans for?
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FuManChu
10:55 am | May 7, 2004
I really couldn't tell where the new paragraphs began and ended. Plus I think you should put the things people are saying on a whole new line instead of in the middle of the paragraph. It would make it a little easier to understand.
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