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Comments for 'After First Strike: part three' |
Guardian
9:07 pm | June 25, 2004
Holy Fudgecake, i like that phrase, quite humorous.
Story, eh its ok, not to much of an interest, i have to agree with NK, wait, where's the action, the supsense the Covie's getting slaughtered and bullets flying through them, the MAC's and SUPER MAC's bieng fired. and what there are over a hundred ships in orbit and a bunch of Super MAC orbital platforms. Why do they not open fire, work on it, but yes like others did say you did use the code. the Code is the structure of fan fic, it won't turn good without it.
i'll give you a 6/10
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Nick Kang
1:01 am | June 25, 2004
You'd think such an important facility as the 'Perimeter of Defense' would have heavy AA weaponry(such as Surface to Air missiles, for example Patriots). Banshees and dropships could just blast away at the bunkers and the Marines would be nearly helpless.
Also, 'hell jumper marines' should be capitalized, and Helljumpers aren't normal Marines, so you would just call them 'Helljumpers', or 'ODSTs'.
Also, if the Covie destroyers and carriers had appeared near Earth, you'd think the two sides would be exchnging fire.
NK
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Agent Shade
8:45 pm | June 24, 2004
lol perimeter of defense? well, i guess it works, but usually we'd just say "defense perimeter" or "perimeter."
keep working at it
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elmicker
5:22 pm | June 24, 2004
holy fudgecake! this is the biggest load a tripe i have ever read! Get the backsotry and random information right first then try and construct a basic storyline frame, then add detail and description, unfortunately you just skipped to the basic frame and left it there, not even complete or spellchecked. Try harder next time
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343 Salty Beans
4:26 pm | June 24, 2004
You jumped tenses, mispelled words, missed and misused punctuation, and other grammatical stuff. But...YOU USED THE CODE! Yay...
It was OK. I read all the way through this time.
343SB
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Sean
4:21 pm | June 24, 2004
The 2nd story you said that the Spartans were afraid of death. But now they are not??? A fun story but it was kinda hard to read.
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