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Comments for 'The Hephaestus Equation I'

Lord Dagon
12:33 pm | November 3, 2002
Nice story... Well done... I wish I had the descripitive talents you have, aside from the minor paragraph issue; I would say a well constructed piece of work...
Dirty Commie
8:39 pm | October 30, 2002
I hate paragraphs. I used to write entire papers (up till high school) in one paragraph because I hated messing with them. The streak continues!Ah well, thanks for the advice and I guess I will be writing some sequels, but i have very little time for writing due to school, computer CONSTANTLY broken, brothers, etc. But they're coming, eventually.
5:28 am | October 30, 2002
Ditto on what havok said. I had problems reading this story because so many different ideas were presented with the same paragraph. Try starting a new paragraph when the point of view changes or when the idea changes. For instance, when changing from one enemy to the next, make those two separate paragraphs -- Otherwise, the story feels rushed.

On the other hand, you really do seem to have a talent for descriptions. Very nice job and I hope to see more from you.

Dirty Commie
8:06 pm | October 29, 2002
11:28 pm | October 28, 2002
you got some good action going here. try to space out your story with more paragraphs. i learned that from my helljumper series. everything was scrunched into like three paragraphs and everything just went to fast. the paragraphs space it out a little bit