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Comments for 'Earth's War - Part 1'



Jaywhit10
9:50 pm | July 20, 2004
Interesting story, it could be better. I have to agree with all the others on the points relating to the story. As with havok, I posted pretty early on this site probably somewhere around page 20 is my earliest, im guessing. But anyways, if you don't have time to type it up or can't save it. Did what I always have done, write it on a piece of paper, I did it during school which didnt' help my grades but it made things a lot easier. I look foward to the next story.
Jaywhit10
9:50 pm | July 20, 2004
Whoops I didn't mean page 20, its about 160 in the archives of Fan Fics, I was thinking of it being the other way around. My bad.
MC's Cousin
8:35 pm | July 20, 2004
Yes, Spanish Spartan: The Flame Wars. Bad memories. HBO should issue regulars over-the-internet-n00b-destruction-devices, or at least spray their sit with n00b repellent. Jeez.

Signing Off


MCC
CoLd BlooDed
4:35 pm | July 20, 2004
Conrad, you really missed the big flame war between Spanish Spartan, he was a huge spammer. He was being sexist. Some of the people on HBO were fed up with what he was doing and got him banned.

Anyways, it doesn't matter if stories are long. I don't know if school's still in where you live, but it isn't where I am.

However, that's not really much of an excuse, you had fifteen minutes to type up more than what you did. And I think you know better than to type up a minutes worth of reading. Besides, if a long stories good, then we'll keep reading.
The Author
6:36 am | July 20, 2004
Okay, that's it.

NO. 1
I am NOT a slow typer. Nearly all my stories are short because I figure most of the readers on this site are in their teens and at high school, and therefore don't have a lot of time to read long stories due to study time, homework time, etc.

NO. 2
Why the hell is 'Jordan Brown' ripping into people who probably aren't paying out 'Spanish Spartan' in the first place on the comments page of one of my stories?
Jordan Brown
5:04 am | July 20, 2004
Hey guys, I'm Spanish Spartans friend and all od you suck wiener
CoLd BlooDed
10:48 pm | July 19, 2004
Fi...ve...second...s...ha...h.
Mainevent
10:24 pm | July 19, 2004
In order for you to type faster, you should take a typing class. I have, and it greatly improves your speed.

It only took my about five seconds to type all of this, and that's while thinking about it too.
CoLd BlooDed
7:30 pm | July 19, 2004
Well, I still think you should build tension, if you don't, your series could become dull and flat.

Yeah, the timeline was unnessecary, and the whole chapter seemed rushed. It was like, what, only five paragraphs until you switched viewpoints?

Too short, but not bad. You've already figured out most of the code, but you need to indent.

Oh, and in fifteen minutes, I can type up triple the amount of words than you did in this story. No offense, but I'm just saying. Those fifteen minutes could've given you a lot more to work with than you think.

So just fix those things up and you should be good to go.
!@#$
5:22 am | July 19, 2004
Great Story.
The Author yet again
4:15 am | July 19, 2004
i just realized i screwed up that last explanation. The code failed for some reason. The explanation SHOULD read:

I just realized that some people seem to be confused in that they think it's a suspenseful story- which its NOT. (Don't worry, I thought it ruined the suspense as well)
The timeline was just a way of creating a plot.
The prequel, however, will be suspenseful, as it explains through various ancient diary entries how the human race came into contact with the Covenant, and why the Covenant want to exterminate them. And believe me, its good.

Cheers,
TGC
The Author
4:10 am | July 19, 2004
I just realized that some people seem to be confused in that they think it's a suspenseful story- which its NOT. (Don't worry, I thought it ruined the suspense as well)
The timeline was just a way of creating a plot.
The [i]prequel [/i], however, will be suspenseful, as it explains through various ancient diary entries, how the human race came into contact with the Covenant, and why the Covenant want to exterminate them. And believe
he Author
3:59 am | July 19, 2004
To Dave: That's exactly what I do!
Havok
3:54 am | July 19, 2004
you know, it recently occurred to me....back when i uploaded my first stories, there was no code. no sir. you wrote the damn thing in bold or italics, and thats how it was posted. sheit, there wasnt any minimum word limit either! of course, i AM ancient on this site. around the time of my first stories, my car was insured against theft, fire, and indian raids...
Guardian
1:17 am | July 19, 2004
if you can use the code so well, what the hell happened to indenting?, really puzzles me...anyways. I have to agree with Jessica, you did destroy the suspense, and it kinda just threw of the feeling for me to read it. If your going to make one don't give out the story in it. Just ruins the fun.
Severian
12:50 am | July 19, 2004
I'm certainly looking forward to that story, Dave.

I have to write my stories out on the FF submission form in less than 45 minutes because the computer kicks me off the connection in that time. My microsoft Word program doesn't work, my discdrive doesn't open and I can barely view pictures because the resolution is so bad in my monitor. So that's not a good excuse, mr. author!

I can't afford a computer. I just had to paid our gas/electric bills last month because my parents couldn't pay it.

So, that's the end for my little misery rant...
Dave Luck
12:16 am | July 19, 2004
Do what I do. Type it out on Microsoft word, and save it. Don't worry. Usually computers are reliable enough. I know my PC is. It isn't the fastest, it isn't the most stable (it has crashed on me before) but it suits me well. I'm perfectly satisfied with my little year-1997 computer.

I've got a whole bunch of stories I wanted to submit. But I don't submit them until I am absolutely sure they are ready to. This cuts down on mistakes and typos.

Another tip for you. Have a friend, or two read your works before you submit it.

That's the main reason I don't have many stories out. I have friends read them before I submit them. The whole process takes a long, long time.

I've been working on my latest thriller, "Red and White Revolution (No, this time, it's Canada)" and it's taken me a long time. I'm on Chapter fourteen of an estimated thirty.

- Dave.
MC's Cousin
10:06 pm | July 18, 2004
Well, you could always get a Dell...er...buy a computer of your own?

Signing Off


MCC
The Author
8:38 pm | July 18, 2004
Yeah, i am aware of that. its just that i was going to be booted off the computer for a week if i didn't finish it in fifteen minutes, so i kind of wrote the story way too fast. Hopefully the rest of the story will be carefully written out.

Cheers,
TGC
Dave Luck
6:30 pm | July 18, 2004
It didn't hold up as well as I expected it to.

Omitting details can cost you.

- Dave.
MC's Cousin
4:26 pm | July 18, 2004
I agree with Jessica as well. Also, I think that it was too short, I read the whole thing in less than a minute.
It also went by way to fast, there weren't really and defining details that made me feel the tention in the air, the enthusiasm of the Human forces, or the dark nature of the 'Covie Pack Leader' (actually, that would be Field Master). By the way, without those kinds of details, any future combat scenes will be crap.
Work on that, and your flow, smooth it out just a tad.

Signing Off


MCC
Havok
3:54 pm | July 18, 2004
yeah, she is right about the timeline/suspense factor. but i can see that you have a creative writing style and you will put out some great combat scenes. keep it up.
Jessica
9:34 am | July 18, 2004
You ruined the suspense with your timeline...

Jess


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