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Fan Fiction

Comments for 'Forced Betrayal (Chapter 1: Early Retreat)'

7:00 pm | January 28, 2004
Ah, very good! I'm impressed! I don't really have any complaints, but I do have a suggestion. It gives the reader more insight into your character if you describe his emotions a bit. I do agree with CovieKilla about using "he was pissed..." Such a phrase becomes more dramatic and meaningful with words like enraged and furious.
5:30 am | December 29, 2003
5:03 am | December 29, 2003
I take sole responsibility for this series. That and the can of whoopass I'll open on whoever doesn't give it to me....

*looks for his six pack*...

Well...you got lucky today, but one day...oh you just wait....
CoLd BlooDed
7:39 pm | December 28, 2003
Wow....so many good reviews! :D

Thanks for the post CovieKilla and Hawk...and Wado, Mainevent...Alpha Lance, Sergeant B and teemus...and 'Nosolee and Helljumper!
CoLd BlooDed
12:29 pm | December 28, 2003
No Sergeant B, this is not my first, just i think you haven't read any of my other series or poems...
Sergeant B
12:09 pm | December 28, 2003
Pretty good...for your first( wait, is this your first?) Fanfic. Meet you at Spec. Ops United. Also, check Raider's Company's new database!
8:10 am | December 28, 2003
Oops! forgot to give you a rating like I always do lol...8.5/10.
8:08 am | December 28, 2003
Great fic man. Just on thing didnt fit, and I know that no author would use this statement:
"he was pissed."...you should have put something else, most likely enraged, angry, or something in that area.
7:25 am | December 28, 2003
I. . .Uh. . .The-Code. . .Can't-breathe. . .Uh. . .

I can't string words together to describe how great this series is looking!

I love the use of the code, it looked very professional.

I'm guessing One Cycle is and hour, and Units are minutes, right?

How do you pronounce "Raga 'Qoyalamee" :P

Very, very happy with this. I can't wait to see where you take this!
CoLd BlooDed
6:35 am | December 28, 2003
Everyone if you don't mind can you stick to this series? I would appreciate greatly, thanks.
CoLd BlooDed
5:51 am | December 28, 2003
Yeah, it is a good idea Main. lol ;)
3:13 am | December 28, 2003
Nice story. You are very good with keeping with view point characters and telling the story from there. Keep up the great job.
2:19 am | December 28, 2003
Yea CoLd...real good idea you have here. ;)

I wonder where it could possibly go from here....
Alpha Lance
1:59 am | December 28, 2003
Reall good CoLd, I like it.

Note: Sorry for the lack of comments. But I've been busy lately. I actually read this sometime around 3:00 but didn't comment.
10:57 pm | December 27, 2003
Nice idea you got going here. Like Helljumper I am also interested in where this is going. Keep at it.
CoLd BlooDed
7:36 pm | December 27, 2003
This is yet ANOTHER sequel for the New Tatley series, stick with it guys.
5:15 pm | December 27, 2003
New series, nice!
3:38 pm | December 27, 2003
thats ill, the writing was good, i'm interested in where this is going