They're Random, Baby!

Fan Fiction

Comments for 'Fight for New Tatley (Chapter 6: Airfield Arrival)'

CoLd BlooDed
3:35 pm | December 8, 2003
Ya, I'm intergrated the Return to Earth series with this series, so somehow they are going to connect with eachother.
11:30 pm | December 7, 2003
Yea, I remember reading this series, and I liked it too. 10/10
CoLd BlooDed
9:13 pm | December 7, 2003
Like Jamirus said, hes beginning to see the story wheels "grind into action", and he is right. Sorry for such a slow start in this series but I didn't think it out that well.
9:04 pm | December 7, 2003
I liked it, mabey not that much fighting but it was still good. 9/10
CoLd BlooDed
5:48 pm | December 7, 2003
Thank you very much, Jamirus, if you are reading this story it would kindof make more sense by reading my first series called Return to Earth, its up to you. :)
3:26 pm | December 7, 2003
"First he was in a crouch, then he was walking, then he broke out into a run to get to where the "fight" was."

AND then he broke into a run; finish series with conjunctions!

"Another thing, I will be leaving the HQ for a more personal reason...assuming my position will be Sergeant Lubz: he is the highest ranking officer in the building at the moment, so he will be in charge."

Notice my two corrections to that sentence as well. Other than that, a helluva improvement, and I can see the story wheels beginning to grind into action too.