They're Random, Baby!

Fan Fiction

Comments for 'The Strive to Survive (Chapter 6: Nothing to Lose)'

Nick Kang
8:31 pm | April 4, 2004
I didn't have enough time to read the entire thing, but the half that I did read was exceptionally good. I'm gonna start reading more of your stuff.
CoLd BlooDed
8:04 pm | April 4, 2004
No he didn't, he just invited some HBOers on a tour of his headquarters. ;)
4:15 pm | April 4, 2004
To answer your second comment, CoLd, [sarcasm] we were fooled into HBO and kidnapped by Wu.[/sarcasm]
CoLd BlooDed
11:42 am | April 4, 2004
Where the hell is everyone?

Awacar, JJiggssaww, Helljumper, SOS.Odin, ONI_Operative_343, and the others!
6:50 am | April 4, 2004
Sorry, CoLd, I've had a tough week recently(sports, school, fixing broadband connections to the house, etc). Now, I've got time to read.

This was an excellent, exciting story that caught me in the first lines, and didn't let go. I just really like the way you build up the mood, the feeling of fright, and distinctive character draws.

Very well done.
CoLd BlooDed
2:13 am | April 4, 2004
And someone dies soon, Helljumper.
1:08 am | April 4, 2004
I'm glad that u were waiting for my comment, i read it a day ago but i had to read it in sections because it wasn't really exciting, kinda same old same old. your writing is good and so is the description, but nothing interesting happened, and i think someone needed to die, but thats just me.

6:00 pm | April 3, 2004
It was good, but I agree with MCC, you made the humans seem invencible. Flood can easily take down marines. Other then that, it was good.
3:50 pm | April 3, 2004
I havent read the story yet, just wanted to check out the comments. By the looks it seems good. Well, im off to read.
CoLd BlooDed
3:16 am | April 3, 2004
Hell yeah, MCC. ;)
MC's Cousin
2:51 am | April 3, 2004
*pant* I made it CoLd *gag* I'm really out of breath at this point so I...I... *barf, long and slow*

Wow! Second comment, which is almost better then the first, of course you know that's...
What am I doing? *I slap myself twice*

Well, the story was still pretty good. A few things that I will comment on though.
It was a little blocky, like you seperated every thought and only put two or three sentenses per "paragraph".
Your suspense was fairliy good, but still a little lacking in some ways. I'm not sure if this really relates, but when I started reading this a couple hours ago, the beginning really didn't catch my eyes and make me want to really, really read it. Of course it takes one hell of a story to do that. Or just a good cliffhangar or dramatic beginning to a story.
It was slightly hard on the eyes in a couple of places. Like you accidently jumbled up your dialouge and text. See if you can find those places, just read through it and they might stand out for you. Still a good story though.
Another thing, you make the Humans sound like "superhuman" and really good fighters, and you kinda switch little tiny aspects of personality around a little bit. But I'm a little tired so maybe I just can't correctly judge that kind of thing right now. But heck, i'm Human and so are you (although sometimes I wonder about both of us) so let's kick some Covie tail. Shall we?

Signing Off

8:20 pm | April 2, 2004
Cool, 1st comment.

Not bad, I'm really diggin this series. Like you're combat scenes, very well written.

all in all, a 9.7/10