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Comments for 'Battle for Nagidrac System: Part One - Section 1' |
ToFu
3:47 am | March 5, 2004
Interesting, but since u guys r new and probably dont know much of halo, i'll give u a score of 7/10 study more of HALO
Im one of the nice critics Tofu's the name
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teemus
2:57 am | March 3, 2004
Yo BullsEye, your pissing me off now to. Who the hell are you to say that Colds story sucks? Look at your own! Try reading some of his real stuff, not the ASoWE. And stop bieng such a prick because people dont like your story. You dont see Fig acting up!
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CoLd BlooDed
2:32 am | March 3, 2004
BullsEye, you suck, so stop writing. Fig, you can go on, you don't have that much of an attitude.
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CoLd BlooDed
2:32 am | March 3, 2004
YOU DON'T GET IT YOU MISERABLE KID!
That is for ASoWE, Hunter_Killer's stories that feature HBOers getting sucked into the Halo universe. That is why I refered to "The Book" and "Assault on the Control Room", I'm going to say this now, STOP WRITING OR STOP BEING A PRICK! I have many other stories, Bull and Fig, and I can't really tell whether or not I should report this to Louis and get you guys banned, or even better, stop you guys from writing Fan Fiction.
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BullsEye
2:10 am | March 3, 2004
hey every one, ive read CoLd BlooDed's story.
let me make this perfectly clear.
IT SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ya know, i used to think that no one could make such a gay story but he proved me wrong
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BullsEye
2:01 am | March 3, 2004
thanks Phalanx3580.
by the way, do you have any suggestions?
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Phalanx3580
8:30 pm | March 2, 2004
Sage scorpion, put in some consturctive criticism for once
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teemus
12:38 pm | March 2, 2004
This chapter and the 2nd one was just a bunch of shit. Like Helljumper said, read some of his stuff or Colds, even read mine if you want to know what a real story looks like.
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CoLd BlooDed
2:48 am | March 2, 2004
I can't say anything constructive except...learn to use comma's! I counted less than twenty on the story where there should've been much, much more.
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Helljumper
4:21 pm | March 1, 2004
Now for my expert college ass opinion of this story. Boo... I stated reading it and it all just started happening so quickly that i got lost. no details, i dont care about the characters, i mean boo...read some of my work to see how a good story should be. Read CoLd's stuff too, his stories are on point. because this chapter sucked so much, i'm not interested in reading the second chapter. sorry
ODST
PS please don't put ODST in ya story until you develop better writing skills, you are hurting my feelings here
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CoLd BlooDed
3:54 pm | March 1, 2004
Well I guess I forgot to post this one, but maybe it was just Bull who did it for both of them.
BullsEye & Fig
7:36 PM | February 28, 2004
Very original Names.
NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Sage Scorpion
5:28 am | March 1, 2004
Shit, sorry bout that double post there. Damn free web browser.... *trails off grumbling*
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Sage Scorpion
5:15 am | March 1, 2004
Well, I can't exactly agree with you on that, CoLd. Fig is fine, and can actually show some tact. But for Bulls Eye, all bets are off.
Yeah, you guys keep trying to hide behind the "Read the other story, it's better" excuse. And I have read both stories. And they're both just as bad. Really. Neither one was any good. Whatsoever. And you can't post 2 chapters, and have one with nothing but a list of facts, and the other just some poorly written action scenes, and expect them to cancel out. You have to have the correct balance between action, plot, and details in each chapter. Altogether, this is just poor. Poor as a Jew after "Two Times Matso Ball Tuesday".
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Sage Scorpion
5:15 am | March 1, 2004
Well, I can't exactly agree with you on that, CoLd. Fig is fine, and can actually show some tact. But for Bulls Eye, all bets are off.
Yeah, you guys keep trying to hide behind the "Read the other story, it's better" excuse. And I have read both stories. And they're both just as bad. Really. Neither one was any good. Whatsoever. And you can't post 2 chapters, and have one with nothing but a list of facts, and the other just some poorly written action scenes, and expect them to cancel out. You have to have the correct balance between action, plot, and details in each chapter. Altogether, this is just poor. Poor as a Jew after "Two Times Matso Ball Tuesday".
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CoLd BlooDed
4:25 am | March 1, 2004
There, Bull, I posted, happy?
Fig & BullsEye, I now know you as two punk-assed kids who can't take critism.
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BullsEye
7:23 pm | February 29, 2004
hey, every one who wants to read more of this story, read part 1 section 2. to read it, go back to the fan fic list. it is rite above this story.
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Jon M
3:22 pm | February 29, 2004
Okay, I re-read it and I'll give a more detailed review.
It's nearly impossible for me to give good input on the backstory details. I have a limited kowledge of the Halo Universe, but I stand by my assessment of the way in which this piece is written. I should have said it's pretty good WRITING (meaning it's readable) You can always read up on Halo and the military for the backstory. This site has excellent sources.
Sure I would have like to see you indent or space between your paraphs, and the descriptions all seemed gratuitous, as in, added on after the fact. Descriptions of scenes, places, people are integral parts of the story. Heck, They are the story. Like it or not, the descriptions seem like they were tacked on after you wrote the who, what, who, what, who, what.
What this adds up to is that the characterizations are pretty shallow. At this point, we are in nobody's head. It's basically....This happened, then this, then this, then this.
This is probably accounts for the "Gah," and the additional nagging subconscious, "Gah." That some people are going to feel.
Hope that was more helpful.
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Snipes
1:32 pm | February 29, 2004
Is there more?
It would make the story better
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Fig
1:32 pm | February 29, 2004
YES!!!!!!!!
THere is two more parts that have more plot and story line.
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Fig
1:32 pm | February 29, 2004
YES!!!!!!!!
THere is two more parts that have more plot and story line.
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Sage Scorpion
7:34 am | February 29, 2004
This was really bad. It went by too fast, with no flow. You claim that this "Captain Johnson" is the brother of Sergeant Johnson. But you also say that he was promoted from a Spec. Ops. team, to an ODST, to a ship captain? Yeah right. How would a career infantryman know how to pilot a ship?
All that came to mind when I was reading this was one, a migraine, and two, "Gah". I can't exactly place why I dislike this story, just a nagging subconscious feeling of, well, "Gah".
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Jon M
4:12 am | February 29, 2004
I'm the first to comment? This is a pretty good story. I'm thinking that most of the regulars here don't take time to read through the whole page....or what?
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