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Comments for 'The Seventh Battalion: Chapter One' |
Ajax
8:14 pm | March 21, 2004
Lol. My bad.
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Sage Scorpion
5:55 am | February 24, 2004
Great story man, great. But just one thing irks me, and that is: your description of the female squad members figures. I'm no feminist, or shit like that, but saying "she had great breasts" is just out of place, and kind of tasteless sounding. It's paramount to saying:
"Wooooeee, them thur's some naice tities, Cooter!"
(Okay, maybe not THAT) My ONLY suggestion for your story is to, in the future, call them "bosoms". It just sounds better in a 3rd-person omniscient narrated story. I don't know why.
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Maraxus6
9:18 pm | February 12, 2004
I'm writing my own fan fic as well. To an extent, the prologue of The Seventh Battalion has helped inspire me, along with my imagination.
So, Great job. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this series. It's great.
Kudos to you...
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Maraxus6
9:18 pm | February 12, 2004
I'm writing my own fan fic as well. To an extent, the prologue of The Seventh Battalion has helped inspire me, along with my imagination.
So, Great job. I'm looking forward to seeing more of this series. It's great.
Kudos to you...
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Awacar
5:06 pm | February 12, 2004
Good, you've caused me to wait for the next chapter. This one had the class it had mainly because you described everything so well, as you did in the prologue.
Keep it coming!
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MC's Cousin
1:30 pm | February 12, 2004
Nice, and you know what else? Niceness. That was good. I like how you build the characters as we meet them...but I think in the future you should try to do it more slowly and not just in several adjascent paragraphs. You were good to build the suspence a little though, so people want to find out "what going on". Keep it up.
Signing Off
MCC
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