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Comments for 'Project Eden: Part One- A Darkness' |
Mendez
5:54 pm | July 16, 2004
It Didn't suck! Actually, your entry was a lot better then mine! peorsonally, I think my entry sucks. I've never writen a a story before so I guess you can call me "A bad wrighting n00b." and if you're wondering what my entry is, it's: My life as a Marine.
PS. I liked your book alot!!!
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Ajax
1:59 am | July 14, 2004
It didn't suck really bad. For your first fan fic, it was pretty good. Your a newbie, not a n00b. This means you have potential, you're just inexperienced.
If I was to critique it, I'd say "show don't tell". Change this:
"Going past a tree Harvey didn't notice the lone Elite with active camo waiting for him behind it."
Into this:
Harvey trudged past a tree, nervously picking his way through the forest. Behind him, the air moved, and a shimmering humanoid form noiselessly blurred towards him.
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Red Ghost
10:19 pm | July 13, 2004
Look, sorry everyone. This was my first fan fic and I know the narrative, presentation, and format sucked ass. Right when I submitted it I learned of the proper format so it won't be a problem in the future. I don't know, critique me or something. Sorry it's so f***ing long.
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Red Ghost
10:19 pm | July 13, 2004
Yeah, sorry for the narrative, formatting, and presentation. I know they sucked really bad. Well, this was my first fan fic so...I don't know, give me a critique or something. I'll take advice on formatting. Thanks russ.
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Helljumper
8:24 pm | July 13, 2004
It turned into a summary instead of a story pretty quickly. don't use Ghost REcon because its the name of a game and thats stealing. I didn't finnish reading it either.
Damn russ is becoming more like me every day. Russ687 you have offically been son-ed. You're my seed, my offspring, my child now.
ODST
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russ687
8:00 pm | July 13, 2004
Did not read it all, so I can't give you a good comment, except instead of *** try typing in [indent] exactly as I have just shown you immeadiately before each paragraph. No, I'm not joking. Do it a wonders will occur when you hit "Preview Submission"
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