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Comments for 'Halo: The Return Part 7' |
Nike
9:59 pm | August 27, 2002
I clicked on "Read This Series". I just got done reading the whole thing so far. It's good and interesting but I also saw alot of grammar mistakes still it's good. IS Rat a rat????
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el_halo_diablo
2:02 am | August 22, 2002
ok yah thats what i thought, who would leave out that many banshee's...i mean really, so that part didnt bother me. I read the first part and a little bit of the second. I could see Rat actually being a rat, considering 343 GS taught them quantum physics and stuff. so...is Rat actually a rat???lol it is much easier to read your series now, and please dont post more than one at a time(you might get more comments that way). Now that im reading them starting from part 7 it seems good. keep it up.
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NeoX
5:56 pm | August 21, 2002
Wado, Thanks for the tips. As for the cliff part, um.. ok i messed up. How about there were only two?
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Wado
5:20 pm | August 21, 2002
Don't know, to me you have only posted twice. The first time was parts 1 to 6 and the last time was part 7.
The story is easier to read now, thanks. Now that I can read it, it is okay. Seems to me that you are trying to justify every action the characters are taking. You probably don't need to do that. For instance you don't need to say that the MC sees the hunters armor is up a bit and then say he places a grenade under the hunter's armor. You can just say that the MC placed the grenade under the hunter's armor. If you are trying to describe the MC's quick thinking, show us with quicker action and less explanation.
Well this is just my opinion. You have your own writing style and I'm not trying to change that. Keep writing and I leave you with one question: If the MC knew they were going over a cliff, why did he not have everyone take a banshee?
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NeoX
3:32 pm | August 21, 2002
Should I slow down on sending in the parts?
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