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Comments for 'Halo: The Aftermath Pt. 5/5' |
CoLd BlooDed
12:00 pm | March 8, 2004
Smart.
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Thomas Harper
1:41 am | March 8, 2004
yea real smart. =:(
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Kyle
10:59 pm | March 7, 2004
How did I get banned? I posted a bunch of really stupid anonymous posts (I was also the one who posted that pic of pikachu in the comments section), and I also tole el_halo_diablo to suck his daddy's dick. That's how I got banned.
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CoLd BlooDed
7:23 pm | March 7, 2004
I get it... ;)
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someone
12:24 pm | March 7, 2004
who says this is thomas? =:)
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CoLd BlooDed
4:27 am | March 7, 2004
Advertising your own story, Thomas?
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someone
1:18 am | March 7, 2004
hey everyone. u all should read Halo2: The Covenant Wars [part 1]. its awsome!!!!
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Thomas....
1:16 am | March 7, 2004
oops sorry double posted. my bad.
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Thomas Harper
1:14 am | March 7, 2004
hey Kyle how did u get banned? lol.
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Thomas Harper
1:14 am | March 7, 2004
hey Kyle how did u get banned? lol.
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Kyle
11:33 pm | March 6, 2004
Well, actually, I'm kind of a n00b when it comes to legendary, so I just base most of my stories on Normal and add in stuff like MC bashing grunts' heads with streetlamps and using stationary chain guns to tear elites to pieces, etc...but hell yeah it works!
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Kyle
11:33 pm | March 6, 2004
Well, actually, I'm kind of a n00b when it comes to legendary, so I just base most of my stories on Normal and add in stuff like MC bashing grunts' heads with streetlamps and using stationary chain guns to tear elites to pieces, etc...but hell yeah it works!
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MC's Cousin
8:03 pm | March 6, 2004
Yup. Your tenses switch around too much. This could be solved by pre-typing these kind of things in MS Word. Or even proof reading them when you preview you story in submission. You were lacking of any real detail or anything that makes a story fun to read. Your battles were really like: MC shot and the thing died. That's not good. And yes, at least base your stories on Normal if you don't want to...no wait nevermind, always use Legendary. It makes things sound realistic and everything. That's a good thing. Work on all this stuff and you might beable to mix up a pretty good story in the future.
Signing Off
MCC
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CoLd BlooDed
5:33 pm | March 6, 2004
Yeah it is, any Covenant creature (Elite, Grunt, Prophet, BRUTE) is supposed to be capitilized.
Why shouldn't it be?
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Kyle
12:54 pm | March 6, 2004
You guys are jackasses...how about giving suggestions for when he starts a new series instead of pissing him off by pointing out all the bad things? You guys are both buffoons. Matt, you've got a helluva story going, just make it a little more realistic: For example:
The chief sneaked around the brute, zoomed the scope on his gun to 10x, and fired once. Twice. The third time he fired, the Brute turned around, and hit the chief with the butt of his rifle. The chief gave the brute a fierce uppercut, forcing the brute back a few feet, and disrupting its shields. The chief then put a well-aimed shot in the brute's head, and the brute doubled over, and then didn't move a muscle.
How was that for some skill? I was once like you, Matt. When I started off writing fics (about a year and a half ago), I made all of my battle scenes really quick and rushed. After a few months, I started to get better, thanks to some writing tips from my English teacher, and now whenever I post fan fiction, I get a lot of praise from other writers/comment posters.
P.S. You shouldn't post fan fiction with your full name. It makes it easy for other people to find out who you are.
Peace, bruhda.
-Kyle
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Kyle
7:29 am | March 6, 2004
Meh, whatever.
And yeah I was banned back in November of 2002, but then I moved into a new house and got a new IP address for my comp so I gou unbanned.
And brute isn't supposed to be capitalized.
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Mainevent
3:18 am | March 6, 2004
Several changes to Kyle's paragraph to make it more correct:
The Chief sn{uck} around the {B}rute, zoomed the scope on his gun to {ten times magnification}, and fired. Once. Twice. The third time he fired the Brute turned around and hit the chief with the butt of his rifle. The Chief gave the Brute a fierce uppercut, forcing the brute back a few feet and disrupting its shields. The Chief then put a well-aimed shot in the Brute's head and the brute doubled over. It wasn't going anywhere; permanently.
This would be a better way to write that paragraph. Not to mention removing the constant "the chief" references for his name. Mix those up a bit or else it gets very dull and repetitive.
You hade several run-on sentences, and an overall overuse of commas. Work on that.
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CoLd BlooDed
2:15 am | March 6, 2004
Weren't you banned?
And also, that little paragraph you copy and pasted wasn't very good. The grammar needs work along with the action. Don't call 'em jackasses man, cause JJigg and ToFu are pretty good writers.
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JJiggssaw
9:42 pm | March 5, 2004
Are you insulting me ToFu? No the Covenant didnt get in the warthog I think it was weird that the MC thought the Warthogs would be an ambush.
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ToFu
5:57 pm | March 5, 2004
lol wait i think i miss that part...Covenants get inside a Warthog? lol oh man, wats next Covenant engineers fight back?
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JJiggssaw
5:37 pm | March 5, 2004
One more thing Marines would never ambush the MC and Covenant would never get in a warthog.
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ToFu
5:14 pm | March 5, 2004
I agree with that bafoon, Oops i meant JJiggssaw
A brute dies with three shots off a weapon? what the hell?! r u basing the story on kiddie mode?
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JJiggssaw
1:00 pm | March 5, 2004
This story makes very little sense. You switch tenses and you go from 3rd person to 1st person without giving any indication that you switch point of view. You have a very good vocabulary which is what I can say on the positive side, but your action was fake, for example a Brute gets shot 3 times and dies? GRUNTS die with three shots. In First Strike it takes the MC an entire BR clip and stuffing a frag greanade in the belt of the Brute for it to die. And then to top it off in the last sentence in your story the MC says "Now, there won't be any covenant in my way. If there is, they won't be anymore. He thought." That is one screwed up closing line. I say read some good fan fic like All Roads Lead to Sol, On a Pale Horse etc., come back and use your vocab to make a great story.
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