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Comments for 'Nothing to Lose Part II' |
hornet34
5:13 pm | September 4, 2003
I liked the Outlaw series. And after reading those comedies, I think I might try one in the near future. Don't hold your breath, though.
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Wado
5:00 pm | September 4, 2003
Chris Cassani, hmmm..., yes I remember he wrote some cool stuff. I'm not sure what happened with him. I remember at one point he hurt his wrist or arm and couldn't write for a while. At least I think I remember that. He also was going to go back and re-edit his first posts to perfect his story.
Anyway his stories were good, especially how his heroes seemed bigger than life yet they still had the attitude that everything they did was just part of the job. Excellent portrayal of team or squad interaction outside of battle.
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Alpha Lance
11:04 am | September 4, 2003
You read my storys I red yours. Great jod hornet, nothing to complain about here, 10/10.
Alpha Lance
Creator of Halo Trilogy
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hornet34
6:23 am | September 4, 2003
Seriosly, stop reading these post and go read those stories.
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hornet34
6:12 am | September 4, 2003
I'm going to repost this on my next forum, but to anyone still checking this one.
Its time to take a walk down memory lane:
I was checking on my original fanfic and noticed that although only nine months old, its already slipped to the mid-forties in the page count. But that's not the point, while I was there, I stumbled upon some of my old favorite fanfics, and I thought it would be good to enlighten all the newbies.
First is a series called Outlaw, by Chris Cassini. This was Chris's first series and shows what a newbie is capable. Shame the last chapter never came. (Wado, you know anything about that?)
Next, a very funny collection of comedies by Gasmask. These are interviews with various Covenant characters, quite hilarious.
But the best is saved for last. Return of the Archons, Shadow of the Archons, Shadow of the Archons II, All a waste of time. (Just Kidding, Wado). But seriously, even if you never read those classic series, do yourself a favor and read 'Shadow of the Archons II, Part 34. Behind the Scenes...' You don't need to read the rest of the series to get most of the jokes, its just a hilarious spoof by Wado and el_halo_diablo that would make anyone laugh.
So, for all you guys that are new and want a taste of what we mean when we say glory days, go check these out.
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hornet34
3:38 am | September 4, 2003
Thank you to everyone for the comments. I am really proud of this series, and I hope it finishes out nicely. Also, thanks for the advice, I really think it will help me improve. The next chapter was submitted before I read some of these post, so please don't think I ignored your advice.
As for the spelling and grammar, I read and reread my stories, but I'm only human, so something always slips by. I apologize if anything really bad makes it to the final copy.
Also, I'll warn you the next chapter is mostly battle. I try to keep my stories from degenerating into a meaningless bloodbath, but like I said before, this is where the story is taking me. Plus I think the next chapter's end has a nice kicker to it, but I'll keep it secret for now.
To Wado: Hmm, more vagueness. Before I wanted to leave no doubt so as not to confuse the reader, but now I see the that you're right. The real challenge is keeping the reader informed without revealing to much. I hope I am up to it.
To FOrunnER, I'll definitely read your story and give you some feedback.
Its late, I've wrote too much, I'm going to bed. G'night.
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FOrunnER
1:03 am | September 4, 2003
I like it 10/10, but PLLEEASSE read my series, Spartan III's.
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Wado
12:03 am | September 4, 2003
Way to go hornet34. I'm having a hard time finding ways to improve this story -- it is very good. I suppose the standard stuff, watch your grammar and spelling.
I think you are ready for a new challenge in your writing -- are you up for it? Today's lesson is on viewpoint characters and vagueness (not clearly expressed; inexplicit).
Vagueness is that filler that keeps the reader interested. A place between providing too much or too little information.
I believe you are providing too much detailed information when it does not matter. Perhaps focus more on what one character can view at one time to prevent extra, unneeded information to the reader.
For instance you wrote, ***Sergeant Mayer checked his scanner, looked up at the door, and then checked it again. Initially four boarding craft were headed towards the docking bays his team controlled, but a pair of Longswords had put an end to one of them.***
If you are not going to write about the Longswords' battle with the boarding craft, I suggest leaving that detail out. The above could have been written more vaguely:
***Sergeant Mayer listened to the communication channels; the battle in the vaccuum outside raged on. There wasn't much useful chatter, but he could still make out that the enemy was coming in fast and that only two Longsword fighters stood between the enemy troop transports and the docking bays his team controlled. There were, however, too many enemies; two, three, maybe four troop transports had made it through. Sergeant Mayer gestured for his men to be prepared, then he looked apprehensively at the big bay doors. In moments the chaos would begin.***
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Walker
8:51 pm | September 3, 2003
*clapclapclap*
This was a very well written piece. It wasn't as good as your first one, but almost to that level. I enjoyed how you had Captain Simms offer his men a chance to get out and how they decided to stay, kinda like the Alamo, but I think you could have expanded a bit on that.
Anway, I want you to keep writing this series because it's one of my favorites. 10/10.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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Dispraiser
11:20 am | September 3, 2003
Well, a lot of people think it's a lot harder than it really is, especially on longer fics.
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hornet34
4:17 am | September 3, 2003
Well if you like fight scenes, you'll love the next chapter. I didn't originally intend for it to be this action packed, i wanted to focus more on plot. But as any good author knows, once he develops an idea, he's at its mercy until its finished. I like to think of my stories as i develop the initial idea, and that idea takes me the rest of the way, even if it doesn't follow what I originally planned.
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FOrunnER
3:32 am | September 3, 2003
I liked it, 9/10, but there could have been more fight scenes. Or mabye thats just me, I like fight scenes a little to much sometimes. I paticularly liked the ending, I thought it buitl good suspense for the next.
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hornet34
10:03 pm | September 2, 2003
Thanks Dispraiser for the comment and the advice on indenting, it was a little confusing before.
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Dispraiser
7:28 pm | September 2, 2003
Very nice... I can't find anything wrong with this besides that you forgot to indent.
Wado's super indenting tip! (thanks for the tip Wado!):
In MS word press CTRL F with your fanfic open.
Go to the second tab (find and replace) and tell it to find ^p for single spaced fanfics. (^p means return marker.)
Tell it to replace it with "^p^p[indent]" to double space it. Remove the quotes... Your fanfic will ahve a few errors in it yet. The first paragraph will PROBABLY not have an indent because it generally has no return leading into it, and the bottom sometimes has 3 or 4 extra...
Use that and make it easy on yourself. I'll never type this again...
To Louis: If you want to make it easier on people to indent post an adaptation of this in your submission notes thing. Wado told me how to do this though, so, as far as I know, he's the one who came up with it.
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gruntkiller
5:56 pm | September 2, 2003
yeah school just started for me again too... it suxs
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hornet34
3:27 pm | September 2, 2003
Thanks grutnkiller. I am working on the next chapter between classes and hope to get it out soon. First I gotta go read your story.
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gruntkiller
11:15 am | September 2, 2003
great job i liked it this one better then the first
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