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Comments for 'Sergeant Vick: Part 3' |
Nick Kang
12:27 pm | May 1, 2004
I know, it's been a long time, but I got a liot of thuings goin on at once. I got track, which I get back from at about 6 PM, I'm moving, I gotta switch between houses cause my parents are divorced, and my stories are in my mom's computer, plus, to make it worse, since its getting toward the end of the school year, my teachers are weighing me down with homework, AND I keep on coming up with all these story ideas and I've barely started chapter 1 of Beckon of Doom. Phew, that was a lot. Although I did write Suicide Run, up at the top of the list, and I submitted chapter 2 of Attack on Some Human Ship.
(Man, this is a bigass comment.)
NK
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SOS.Odin
12:16 pm | May 1, 2004
another story?
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SOS.Odin
12:14 pm | May 1, 2004
when are ya gonna write a story kang?
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Nick Kang
6:50 pm | April 30, 2004
Amen to that...
I'M A PIMPIN WRITER!!!!:D
NK
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Mainevent
11:26 am | April 30, 2004
LOL
I only say it because I care Helljumper.
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CoLd BlooDed
2:54 am | April 30, 2004
Hell yes, Odin, hell yes...
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SOS.Odin
12:39 am | April 30, 2004
wow
cold, main, hell, kang, and odin
some pimpin writers here duncha think :D
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Helljumper
10:50 pm | April 29, 2004
Damn it Mainevent and your voice of reason, ok i'll back down just because u asked so nicely. See i'm a nice guy *cough sometimes cough*
ODST
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Mainevent
9:50 pm | April 29, 2004
I'd ease up and let him be though Hell. Just don't bother with him. It makes you look as bad as him.
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Helljumper
9:21 pm | April 29, 2004
I like me too
ODST
i bet u now marl doesn't like me :) (devilish smile go ahead and read his comments)
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SOS.Odin
9:11 pm | April 29, 2004
i like you helljumper :D
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Mainevent
11:45 am | April 29, 2004
Not too shabby.
I understand the Leatherneck's position with the Warrant Officer, but they talk too militarily. Have him shorten his stuff.
Instead of "I have three men left, half of a dead platoon, and a missing Corporal. Now you're going to help me rescue them, sir."
Try "We've got three dead, the platoon's fucked, and our Corporal is gone. So shut the fuck up and follow me...SIR!"
Capitalizing the sir will give it that edge he's trying to get across. You've basically said the same thing, but gotten it across, in my opinion, better.
Just trying to help.
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Helljumper
11:35 am | April 29, 2004
I feel what you're saying Nick, the reason is because i just sit at my comp and write my story in Microsoft word then when i feel like it i take sections and post 'em. Yea so glad to hear that you like it. Give me some feedback on my dialogue and realism (which is what i'm going for). Oh yea, trust me the series only has 2 more parts. Where is everyone else's comments, you know i'm waiting for MCC and coLd.
ODST
for Teemus, i copied and pasted your current series in Word and read it. I noticed what it is missing.
1)there isn't any details, how people look, feel, and why they do things, how things look.
2)it moves really quickly and that takes away from the realism
3)YOur lack of military knowledge makes the story unbelievalbe and choppy.
yea thats what i think, if there is anything u need help on, just let me know, like if you want me to read ya story before you post it and improve it, i will.
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Helljumper
1:21 am | April 29, 2004
Everything i do is for a reason(except for messing up the idents) The way Vick speaks is a part of his personality/character.
ODST
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CoLd BlooDed
12:50 am | April 29, 2004
Great, I was being looked-forward to...
Anyways, awesome, you know I love your stuff, you just need to make sure your indents got into the right places. I noticed it was a bit off today.
I agree with Mainevent, Vick was a bit too calm when he approached the Warrant Officer, but it didn't really bother me that much.
Keep it up!
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Nick Kang
9:59 pm | April 28, 2004
Although you should work on your endings, I've noticed that when you write stories, the ending sentence is usually a bit bumpy. Try to turn the endings into cliffhangers. Ya know, make new readers want to reads the next chapter.
NK
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SoS.Odin
8:42 pm | April 28, 2004
long series are good
and with helljumper writin
itll be great
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Nick Kang
7:24 pm | April 28, 2004
Once again, a good installment of the series, although by the sound of things, it seems as if this series could be long.
NK
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