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Comments for 'Vengeance From The Sky' |
Conrad
8:20 am | April 22, 2004
To Tom: Good point. I'll remember that next time!
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Tom
10:15 pm | April 21, 2004
The stoy's alright but there are plenty of problems. You started out as though Jonas would be the third person narrator, yet it's barely about him at all. And why wouldn't the elites have been trying to kill Jonas if he was only twenty meters away? Plus Jonas had never seen these creatures before yet you call them Grunts Elites and Jackals when a moment before you had described a Jackal rather than naming it. Try to stay consistent.
Your writing isn't great, but you obviously have talent and potential. Just work on it a bit, read some books or even well rated fan fic and you'll improve. Your writing seemed a bit jumbled to me.
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conrad's sister
9:48 am | April 21, 2004
it was the worst short story i have ever read. it made my neck feel like a well cooked piece of asparagus.
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Helljumper
3:47 am | April 21, 2004
Good short story
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