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Comments for 'The Outer Limits (A Marine's Tale) chap 2' |
SPARTAN 274
2:19 am | November 26, 2003
If you want to have a marine get the entire top half of his body blown off by a fuel rod cannon, put it in the game.
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Sarge
10:51 pm | May 18, 2002
Much improvement from last time. If youg et better everytime you'll be on top in no time. Still a few problems but other than that great.
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Robo42786
1:55 am | May 18, 2002
Pronouns would be a good thing to use, like ian said hearing "The Master Chief" every sentence is redundant and really cuts down on the quality of the story. All in all a big improvement from your last one. good editing job jay and good story AGS
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agsbladerboy55
12:54 am | May 18, 2002
never mind panzer tahts u ian
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agsbladderboy55
12:52 am | May 18, 2002
Me is that u ian your like my favorite author and u actually posted on mine thanks how was it
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Me
9:54 pm | May 17, 2002
How could one clip take out two elite without the marine at least get shot at. It takes a little time to fire all those rounds. Some gramatical errors but everything in the story was clear and easy to read, a little improvement was made this time.************My favorite part was that you didn't swear every other word.************
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PanZer
9:36 pm | May 17, 2002
I noticed you had some redudant sentences. Such as this one.Master Chief dove out of the way. The Fuel Rod Cannon missed the Master Chief and hit a marine.Both of these sentences came right after one another, and say basically the same thing. Be careful with that.
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