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Croton 9: Into the belly of the beast…and it’s not feeling too well.
Posted By: Trevor White<twhite1721@hotmail.com>
Date: 18 February 2004, 5:21 PM
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As Bif 101 led Renner and his not so merry band of misfits through the Forerunner facility he talked about the facility's functions, whether anybody was listening to him or not. After about an hour and a half of hearing the retarded TV monitor babble about how advanced the Forerunner were Renner finally got fed up.
"As you can see this installation was well conceived..."
"Would you please shut the tanj up for just one minute" Renner asked Bif in a slightly miffed tone.
Bif just sat there completely silent.
"Now, are we anywhere near the armory?"
"Oh, hello. I am Bif One Zero One; I am the monitor of installation Zero Two Five. I am so glad you are here as I have not had visitors in quite some time."
Renner just stood there not knowing what to say. After about five minutes Renner decided to ask again.
"Are we anywhere near the armory Bif?"
And again Renner's query was met with the same reply. So, in true human fashion Renner tried the only other way he knew to communicate. He spoke louder and slower.
"ARE...WE," he yelled pointing to himself, "ANYWHERE...NEAR," he yelled as he made a huge circular motion with his hand, "...THE...ARMORY," he finished with a gesture that looked like he was either having a seizure or firing an assault rifle.
"Oh no, we are not currently located near this facility's armory."
"Fuck this, I give up" Renner said in a huff.
Shandor had stood quiet the entire time, all 60 seconds of it. For Shandor this was an endurance trial, decided to speak up.
"Mind if I give it a try Sir" Shandor asked.
"Sure, go ahead, knock yourself out."
Shandor proceeded to set Bif down on the ground and began what would turn out to be a very long and very painful conversation to those within earshot.
"So, Bob, are we anywhere near the armory?"
"If you'll follow me I'll gladly show you the way."
Bif began to hum softly and spark from his dented corner. After about five minutes of this Renner walked over to Bif and kicked the retarded TV monitor as hard as he could.
"Shandor, pick up our 'guide' and have him tell us the directions."
Shandor followed Renner's orders and did what he said.
"How about you tell us how to get to the armory instead" Shandor asked.
"Oh, very well. You humans are a fickle species" Bif said in a new, if not poor, British accent.
"Go down this hall. It's the first door on the left. You can't miss it."
The trip to the armory lasted about 25 seconds. Renner and his team had been at the end of the corridor standing not more than 40 feet from the door the entire time. The funny thing was that the word "ARMORY" was blatantly scrawled above the door in English. When Renner reached the door nothing happened.
"Hey, aren't these supposed to open automatically" he asked Bif.
Bif said nothing.
"Ben, could you open the armory door please" Shandor asked.
"Ok."
With that the door remained closed. Bif 101 started to spark and make popping noises. After about 5 minutes he began to shake so violently that it caused Shandor to drop him, denting one of his 'good' corners. After about 10 minutes Bif stopped shaking and the armory door slowly slid open. Shandor walked over to Bif and picked him up. This apparently startled the dilapidated TV monitor.
"Oh, hello. It's nice to meet you. My name is Bif One Zero One. It's nice to finally have some visitors as I've not had visitors in quite some time."
After introducing himself for the umpteenth time, Bif and Shandor started talking to each other as if they had just met. Again, the conversation somehow ended up on the topic of how scary shadows were. Bif and Shandor's pseudo-intellectual conversation ended with a loud bang, a few pops, and the smell of burning circuitry. Bif 101 was fine, although how long this remained true was anybody's guess. The loud bang and the smell of burning electronics came from a small door about two feet above the armory door. From this door emerged five more machines resembling old TV monitors. The only difference between Bif and these new machines is that these new machines had a large, spinning, bulky block that protruded from the bottom of their cases.
"Ah, good, it's about time you showed up" Bif blurted out.
The only response Bif got were a few pops and an increase in the smell of burning electronics.
"What the hell are those" Renner asked.
"These my good sir are Mark One Sentinels" Bif answered in his faltering British accent.
"What exactly are these hunks of junk for?"
"Why, they are going to help you to combat The Flood of course."
Upon hearing this Renner took a step back.
"You're shitting me right?"
"I do not believe I am capable of that."
Hillock decided that this was as good a time as any to interrupt. So, he interrupted.
"Sir, what are The Flood?"
"Well The Flood is a macro..."
"SHUT UP BIF" Renner yelled.
"Imagine your worst nightmare," Renner paused, "...and then mix it with the shit they serve in boot."
Everyone in Renner's squad shuddered, that is everyone except Yashoon. Hillock noticed a slightly puzzled look on Yashoon's face, or at least he thought it was a puzzled look.
"They used to serve us this stuff that would take the rust of a Warthog's bumper back in boot camp" Hillock said to Yashoon thinking that this would clear everything up.
"No wonder you humans are losing the war."
"What do you mean?"
"You serve your troops such delicacies, it's a wonder you humans have lasted this long."
Renner was still talking to Bif completely unaware of the beating Hillock was taking at the hands of Yashoon. Apparently Hillock had insulted the Elite after hearing his comments about the human war effort.
"So, how'd The Flood get loose?"
"It seems that in my attempt to open the armory door I accidentally opened the containment area door by mistake."
"Troops listen up," Renner yelled, "I want everyone into the armory double time."
"I want everyone geared up for the fight of their lives."
Renner and his troops immediately moved into the armory. Unfortunately the armory was no bigger than a small walk-in closet with every square inch covered in weapon racks. Even with the apparent lack of space there were still several ooos and awes heard as Renner's team moved into the cramped space. Everyone was able to find some new kind of weapon in the tiny armory. Grater had found some sort of plasma gattling-gun. Bif 101 had informed him that the ammunitions backpack contained a small fusion power plant that provided nearly inexhaustible ammunition. Andrea found a plasma Sniper rifle and enough ammo to choke a person. Renner found what looked like a MA5B, the only exception being that this new weapon fired depleted uranium shells at a super high velocity. The best part about Renner's new weapon is that it was also capable of firing standard MA5B ammunition. Several of the other troops including Hillock and Yashoon found advanced versions of Covenant Plasma Rifles and Pistols. It wasn't until Shandor said something that Renner remembered something more important than the location of Earth.
"Under no circumstances is Pvt. Shandor allowed to handle, operate, or
in any way touch any alien weapons. He has a propensity to destroy
these weapons and poses and serious risk to his wellbeing and the
wellbeing of those around him."
"Oh shit" were the only words Renner was able to get out before a loudest explosion he had ever heard ripped through the tiny armory.
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