Super Weapon Bowl
Posted By: Steve<EaGLesAllThEway2@yahoo.com>
Date: 31 January 2004, 4:28 AM
Author's note:F shrarp. Haha, no really, these people talking are sportscasters.
"Hello, and welcome to scenic Installation 04 for the first annual Super Weapon Bowl."
"That's right, Bill. We have two teams here today who really worked their tails off, went through thick and thin, through the ups and downs, to be where they are today. On one hand we have the Humans. Although not specifically talented with any few players, they keep getting up and are basically fighting for their lives today. A star player who's been with the team for over 3 decades has done his best to keep the Humans in the fight. We all know and love him as the Master Chief, but even with his aid, they certainly are the underdogs in this match up today, Bill."
"And on the opposite side of the field we have the mean, lean, race-killin' machine, the Covenant. Pushed by their fanatical beliefs and off-season coaching by the retired Forerunner, the Covenant have really been putting out for the last 27 years, having a nearly flawless record against Humanity. Two weeks ago, they faced their biggest opponent in the new franchise team, The Flood. A mystery as to who their GM was or where such talented athletes came from, but right now all the Covenant focus on is beating the Humans once and for all."
"But don't count out Humanity. They played and were the underdogs in the regular season against the Flood, but the Chief pulled 'em through, and two weeks ago, In the championship game, they fought a hard battle against 343Guilty Spark and his seemingly unstoppable force of Sentinels. Humans are playing with their backs against the wall, and they know it. Let's hope Coach "Captain" Keyes has put in a nice pre-game speech to stir up his players, often referred to as 'Marines'."
"What do you think are the keys to winning the game for both teams, today, John?"
"Well, the key for Humanity is to find some sort of miracle that will boost their morale and right now, everyone's turning to the Chief. What the Covenant need to do is something they haven't been able to do: stop the Master Chief. If successful, then the Covenant have a very good chance of coming away with the Index today."
"The Covenant have won the toss, and have elected to receive, trotting the Humans' special teams out onto the field. The kicker for today is really good at getting things in the air. Foehammer's headed to the Pro-Bowl, along with several other Humans, such as the Chief."
"There goes the whistle, the kicker starts running, and the ball's flying the air, received by the Covenant on their own two. 'Zolamee runs up the middle and gets a couple of blocks by his front-five-Brutes, who are just handling the Humans like carry-on luggage. 'Zolamee runs right, he's got the corner, up the sideline, only the kicker to beat, and he's got her! The thirty, the twenty, the ten, five touchdown Covenant! Whoa, what a play."
"Let's look at that again. As you can see, the Grunts are just throwing themselves at the Humans, slowing 'em down. The Jackals do a fine job, themselves, using their shields to block most Humans."
"Oh, oh, I think I see a hold there by #23, Grunt Tatal. Looks like they got lucky there."
"Keyes is just furious at the refs for not seeing that."
"Covenant tack on the extra point, and it's 7-0 12 seconds into the game. Cov's are lined up, ready to stomp the Humans into the history books."
"Pvt. Mendoza back deep to receive. Ball's up, and Humans down it in the endzone for a touchback."
"And now we see are first glance at the one and only Master Chief, who's single handily held this team."
"But probably the most unspoken hero are Humans Offensive and Defensive coordinator Cortana, who watches and stores film better than any other in the league. She will be a factor here today as well, John."
"Number 117 sets up behind the center, calls an audible, and hikes the ball. It's a fake to Jenkins with the dive, and a pass down the line to Perez, recently picked up, who says he might want to be traded to A Company after this season. With the index, that might be a hard decision. He gets down to the Covenant thirty, until tackled hard by a Hunter."
"And he's still down. He must have been tackled harder than he thought."
"Let's hope it's just the wind knocked out of him, and nothing serious."
"The HogCart is rumbling out to get him, so this might be serious. We'll have Susie get us the report from the sideline later in the game."
"The Chief walks up to the ball, hikes it, and he's looking to throw again. Nobody's open, so he runs it. He dodges a Hunter, stiff arms a Grunt, spins a Jackal, jukes an Elite, just a Brute to beat, and he's in! Touchdoooooown, Humans! That leaves the score 7-7 at the end of the first quarter."
15 minutes later...
"So at the beginning of the third quarter, its Covenant-21, Humans-7. The Covenant are jumping and hollering out of the locker room, pleased at their prospects. The Humans, however, are not coming out somber. There's some smoke from the fire works, but I think I can make out...It can't be."
"I believe you're right, John. That are Spartans in the front, followed by others in black body suits. Susie, do you have any information about this?"
"Well, I talked to the Coach at halftime, and he said he had some tricks up his sleeve. Whether this is it, or there's more, he didn't say, Bill."
"Thank you, Susie."
"Wow, this really shut up the crowd and Covenant, a real spirit breaker. But they are still confident that they can win."
"Covenant kick it off the purple tee, and it soooooars into the endzone seven yards deep, recovered by one of the people in black, apparently, on my list, just number #35."
"He runs out, getting some great blocking from his fellow black-suits ahead of them. 35 is just running up the middle. He pounds through the kicker, just tossing him aside like a frisbee. He's at the twenty, ten, five, one, touchdown! The Humans get within seven."
"If you watch on the sidelines, one of the gold Elites are pumping up the team, but it doesn't seem to be working. This next quarter is going to be harsh."
And it was...
"Here we are, 30 seconds left, no timeouts, with the Humans at their own 22. Covenant lead, 42-35, but Humans still have a chance, all they need is time a luck."
"Chief's under center, sending Sergeant Johnson in motion across the tight end, ball hiked. He's looking to throw...wait! It's a hand off to #87, Kelly. Nobody can catch her. She's gone. Touchdown, Humans!"
"But what's this, a flag."
"Holding, on Johnson. Let's look at the replay. That's a bit picky, I've seen the Covenant do much worse so far today. What a disappointment for the Humans. Not only does that bring back a touchdown, but it puts them back on the 12, and takes 10 seconds off the clock. 20 seconds left, 88 yards to go, and no timeouts. Can't get much worse than that."
"They come up to the ball, spread out, no one in the back field. #104, and #87 to his left, and #57, Will(number?), and Johnson to his right. The Chief falls back, plats his foot, and throws the ball high into the air. #57 stops and crouches, bearing a sniper rifle. See looks like, yes she's deflecting it with a rubber bullet into the hands of #104. Will throws an excellent block on a Brute, but another one gets to #104, he looks like he's gonna go down."
"But wait! He lateral's it to #87, who then runs into the endzone for the TD. 42-41, no time on the clock."
"What will Keyes do now? Go for the 2 and win, or tie with the extra point?"
"It looks like he's going for all the marbles on this one. All of the Spartans are on the frontline, leaving Johnson to quarterback. He calls the pre-snap gibberish, signals at a linebacker, and hikes it. Johnson takes four steps back, and waits for the bodies to fall around him. The Spartans have thrown all of the defensive line out of the way, leaving a clear path. Johnson bolts for the white-painted line of the goaline, and focus's only on that."
"But a Hunter's filled that hole, they're done!"
"What's this? The Hunter exploded and Johnson waltz in."
"Is that...a rocket launcher?"
"No, John, it's a SPNKr Football Launcher, perfectly legal. Johnson's in, and the Humans have done it! They've won the coveted Index! What a momentous occasion here today. No doubt the MVP of today was 117, who really came out to play today, and deserves the index the most. I just don't have the heart to tell them next year, they have to give it up if they lose.
"You know Bill, last time you asked me if it were my choice, would I do it? Having considerable time to ponder your query, my answer has not changed. (Rips off face and reveals 343GS) We must activate the ring, or I will be forced to take it from them."
(Door busts open, MC's in doorway)"That's not going to happen."
"So be it. Save his helmet, dispose of the rest."
"Who are you even talking to?"
"No one, really. But do you know how hard it is so find other insane Monitors on Ringworlds in this day and age? Yahoo came up nothing."
"Well if it helps," Chief says, "here's the index."
"Oh, John, hahahahahaha."
"So for everyone here, I'd like to say so long for another week, until we meet again in the Pro-Bowl presented by The Warthog: Does your Lexus come with a LAAG? Once again to recap, Humans 43, Covenant 42. Good bye everyone, and enjoy SuperBowl XXXVIII!!!
-Go Patriots, because Panthers beat the Eagles, so they should suffer as they did! Whooo!